I awoke to the sound of mum shouting "Lily! Lily!"
I thought i best get up and see her before she goes to work
and to see what lily was up to, she was stubborn and wouldnt
come from beneath the kitchen table XD
I sat with millie and alice as it was indoor play
so i sat with my breakfast on the hall floor whilst they
trotted around, the normal really in the morning
theyre getting much more confident now
i just wish millie would speak
I spent the morning doing Mad Science work
at first i thought i had an after school club to do
but when i studied the register i noticed it said 25th on it
which is friday not monday XD so im working tues - fri this week
so I wrote some notes up for a lesson and i did my time sheet
then i sat on my laptop trying to make sense of teaching courses
theyres level 2 level 3 some you need to be employed at a school
others the course takes a year
i got confused so i emailed both local colleges
i hope i get a reply soon
i had a rest during the day as i felt like it and had the time ^^
i felt so much better afterwards as once again i slept bad
then i got making these
theyre to go the tree i uploaded yesterday
i want to cover the tree in kawaii things, the next ones will
be more "christmasy" like a candle, reindeer, snowman kinda thing
went for a lil walk with mum, i went for a walk yesterday too
its rained loads lately so ive been going for a walk when it actually stops raining
i wanted to talk to mum about my mental health
but i didnt, she is stressed with granny i know she is
and shes putting a brave face on for us all. to trouble her with my problems
is so selfish so i didnt.
basically i made an appt at the doctors to go last friday
but i canceled the appointment as i felt ok, i hadnt heard the voices and had thoughts
for a good week, and i thought "maybe its actually going as im challenging it and aware of it"
but i know its not gone, its there but i started to not notice it
it insisted i weighed myself, i did, and i didnt break the scales i was around
my usual weight maybe a tad over. so that wasnt good enough to my head
also i went to get lunch today and it was deciding which was less calories porrage or soup
i thought "i shouldnt be worrying about my weight i shouldnt be worry about food"
so clearly its still with me. i really thought it was "leaving"
im not sure what to do, after speaking to Karen last week telling her that i thought it was getting
better, she told me "ultimately it is all down to you, to challenge your thoughts, to not follow what it says, they can change your medication but its YOU who has to beat it"
shes right and im not sure what to do
i'll probably go doctors next month or something i dont want to worry mum about all this
and incase your wondering, i did go for the soup :) i told it to shut up
tomorrow i have work, but i want to do some crafting in the morning
and i will upload a short dance
thats all for now~
