Evening
So as I got into bed last night I started crying again. Full of self hate and the usual mentalness but Jack cuddled me. After he said "do you need to go wash your face?" (from tears) I said "no I think your pyjama top got it all" he moved it and suddenly felt the sheer wet patch I had made XD
He said I was talking in my sleep but the voice didnt sound like mine. How freaky is that! He said it was deeper. I said to him *after getting over the initial embarrassment* that my other personality was offering to take over and make everything numb so maybe it was her dreaming? her voice is deeper to mine. He said that given what I was saying he said it made sense as he said, and I quote 'you sounded like a clique anime villain' -_________- good lord. I could have died of embarrassment
So I did sleep pretty well, but still felt tired
I got to work and within 20mins I was already crying, yup. Just could not cope today with my job, talking to people, thinking, organising, everything....before lunch I had cried 3 times and was very nearly about to go home. But I decided to stick it out. I somehow even got my work done. I did find that putting my new wireless headphones on and wearing them round the prep room doing jobs was actually alright and helped me cope better as I couldnt hear the usual sounds of school which for some reason was causing me stress today.
We came home and I just felt exhausted but I still wanted to see mum, I told her before hand what sort of a day I had had and that she could still come over but as long as shes gone for 5pm. Glad she kept to that as well cus i was running very low on energy by the end of it
we did dinner which was noodles so it was easy enough
then I decided I fancied a walk tonight rather than working out. I thought a walk would do more for my mental health as well so me and Jack went for an evening walk. I enjoyed it and so did he
we got back and I went in the bath, he cleared up from dinner then went in the bath and now we just with Oz. Oz who got to stay in for almost 2 hours after school as it was raining when we got home. He was very lucky but also full of attitude >.>
Looking forward to my bed
tomorrow, its another new day - which is what I said yesterday but was rather unlucky to wake up with my depression cloud. But I hope I can cope better tomorrow. Mum says I am ready for the holidays. I need a full rest.
Jack is so good an supportive tho. Dont know what I would do without him
