Evening~~
So last night I went to bed, and I could not sleep
I ached so so much I was in tears
I got up at 11:30pm and took more pain killers, had cereal and climbed back to bed
still could not sleep the pain was awful everything hurt, my wrists, my chest - areas i dont usually suffer with just full on hurt. So I got up and overdosed. Was tempted to take a sleeping tablet but with overdosing and my dodgy heart I decided it was best I didnt take them if i actually wanted to see the next day. But my thoughts took a dark turn. I thought about overdosing i thought about self harm it was just bad. I made the decision at 2am that I wasnt going to attend school so I left a note to my parents to not wake me in the morning
This morning I woke up at 8am, I had already texted jack at 1:30am saying i wont be in
im suppose to ring school before 7:30am to say i not coming in
it was 8am and i couldnt give two craps if it was late i still rang in
its why i get jack to call for me cus its on time but the woman was like "Jo needs to ring in herself" so i did cus shes mardy but it was not on time XD
I spent my morning in pyjamas doing nothing, mum went to see her friend. She was worried about leaving me but I said I was totally fine. I just went on my laptop for a bit
she came home and i said I wanted to do something for myself instead of just suffering
so we dyed eye lashes and eyebrows. I bleached my eyebrows first to blond then I dyed them dark brown and my god theyre so dark!! I have eyebrows i am not used to it! I usually bleach them light cus i hate them dark but i plan on dying my hair red tomorrow and i thought brown would go better than blond.
I then did a face pack, had a shower then did a face sheet which was very nourishing i tell you
then I went to bed, got up for food, went back to bed
then I did a bit more of the drawing i am working on
helped with dinner a little bit
then Jack video called me which was nice of him
he looked tired bless him but he had been to help out at scouts as well so i think that tired him out as he didnt have to cover too much for me today luckily. He just told people i had returned to work too early and pushed myself too much. He also said he had an moany email from the woman in charge of absences moaning that i had called in too late. balls to her. So cus jack is my line manager he got the blame for it XD He insists on seeing me tomorrow. he offered to come stay tonight with me but i told him it was a lot for him to do and to stay home. I am unsure what I will be up to tomorrow but he insists on coming over, think he needs the space from his family XD
we said if i am able we would go look at beds so we know what to order and such when the time comes which will be a good thing to tick off.
and he will have his first sleep over here
we will be sharing my single bed so we shall see how it goes, i have shared it before, its not the most comfortable thing to do so we shall see how it goes anyway.
