Jo is still dead...
but it's Oz's 3rd birthday!
As I went to bed last night I had to run to the toilet feeling like i was gonna throw up
mum heard me and brought me a cold flannel and water
its horrid and i was dripping in sweat, my stomach full on hurt
from then which i think it was 9:30pm i kept getting that feeling til 1am
i was so tired and worried about actually being sick
just all of a sudden youre like "i am gonna be sick"
your mouth pools with an ungodly amount of saliva and your stomach burns
but yet i keep my guts in
i woke up at 9am it was nice not having to wake up early and call in as jack said he'd handle that for me and let me sleep in.
i literally did nothing all morning
i mean it was my Ozwald's birthday so of course i went out to him but he was more interested in taking down a dead plant, like rabbit on a mission whereas usually he likes fuss
so i took a few birthday photos and left him to it really XD you can tell he even looks busy on the photos
i came inside and just really didnt do a lot but felt i should shower so i did that
i wrapped mum's birthday presents up so i feel i achieved something today
i havent done her a card yet but i have til 26th
i made myself stir fry for lunch which was nice
then i spent probably something in the region of 2-3 hours researching
basically for a while now i have struggled to look at my reflection but more so for the last few weeks as i feel i just look really sickly and almost zombie like. i havent even been bothering with make up as i think 'whats the point'
and its quite depressing actually
i had been watching jpop music videos in the morning and i was sat looking at them and thinking "what is it i envy right now?" apart from their ability to sing, dance, and speak japanese
it was their appearance i envied and i dont mean the whole beauty thing as im not like that
it was the fact they looked healthy
their skin glowed and there was no dark spots under the eyes and tiredness in the face
they just looked well
and i havent, for weeks.
without pulling myself to pieces here is what is up
my skin is dry an dull, im dark and drawn under the eyes. my eyelids are sore (from rubbing them and crying) my lips are sore and pale. i look tired. my skin in ether not repairing or taking a life time to recover the most basic of marks
so i researched into how the skin heals, what it uses like vitamins etc, what foods have these vitamins in. ordered a vitamin online (already taking 2 vitamins) researched into recipes i can eat with these foods in.
also looked at beauty products to try and 'help' my skin look better, i do not want to mask the problem but i feel i need all the help i can get. so i ordered a few creams/lotions to try
and ways of covering up darker skin
its all because of this auto immune disease, as im not absorbing my food im not getting everything i need to heal my body and its going on for so long that im just looking dreadful
you'd think that eating my weight in fruit and veg every day my skin would be glowing! just shows im not absorbing anything
but i have things to try now, well when ive eaten the food and the stuff has come in the post
i looked today at dates
14th february is the last day this term - a friday
16th february is mine and jack's 1st anniversary - a sunday
id like to something for it, i know we're gonna do japan and stuff so we need money but you can do stuff cheaply enough.
i have been wanting to go back to lumsdale valley for a while now but just been too poorly or busy. so i had a look at the Inn thats near there and for 15th - 16th it was £70 a night
to go on the monday 17th til 18th it was only £50
so i booked it, not paid for it
i thought we can stay there the night and see the waterfalls and have a meal out somewhere
so then we're doing something in the half term holiday AND celebrating our anniversary
i havent told jack yet but im sure he will be cool with it
i have my birthday on 7th and i have no idea about that one ^^;
i keep trying to think but nothing springs to mind
at least i have the waterfalls to look forward to
i brought Oz in and showed him his birthday present - a treat stick
basically stuck on dried veg and cereal on a stick he has never had one before
showed it him, he hopped off -___-
as much interest as that Oz?
spoiled bunny
i helped mum with dinner and wrote down stuff i want from the supermarket so i can try a few things out
just yeah not done much today
i made a start on my terrarium, it literally ate everything i brought for it 0.0 i really thought id have stones and coloured sand left over but nope. its looking pretty but i need my soil/sand mix and cactus from work. damn it i need to get back there so i can complete the terrarium
impressed with myself for not going to sleep today tho
ive tried to keep Oz happy today i've let him play out, see the girls, gave him fuss. gave him digestive biscuits (well mum shared hers with him) and i will see him later
but ive just been too dead to do much with him
i think hes fine tho he seems happy
i cant believe hes 3 already
he has outlived tiffin before him
i hope Ozwald gives me many more years ^^
tomorrow i am not going school
as if im honest im not much better
its an impressive virus
ive only had to run to the toilet once today thinking i was gonna be sick
i hope it stays that way
but my dizziness is still there, it has only come on during the evening tho and not had it all day
small improvements. food has literally passed through me today tho
i have done no exercise at all, nothing
i need to do my physio ones tonight but my god i have no idea how i will achieve such a feat.
another dull, waste of life day tomorrow coming up
