Evening
what a week!!!
its been half term~~~
so monday I went for a dog walk with Mia, which was nice it was good to see her for the first time this year. We were gone a good hour and my legs hurt. We went back to her house and she showed me her amazing new bathroom she gave me my birthday presents too. A retro pencil case, a bath bomb from lush and a watering can made of pot that has cute gloves inside - perfect for watering my indoor plants.
I got home and put my dinner in the slow cooker, had lunch then Ed showed up! it was all pretty full on but it was good, he stayed for some hours. We just caught up really, he bought with him this patchwork game. He first played me and I won then he played Jack and Jack won XD lovely to finally see him. Its been such a long time but it wasnt awkward we kinda just pick up from where we left off. I have known him over 10 years and I can not believe that!
tuesday, haaaa tuesday....-_____-
tuesday was HARD
I had to start to starve myself. So by 9am I had to eat my breakfast which was just chicken breast - my breakfast was limited choice from what I was allowed to eat. Then the rest of the day just water. Yup just water. I felt full of air and liquid. I was 'suppose' to drink 2 glasses of water every hour but I would have thrown up, theres no way I can fit that much liquid in and without food to soak it up so I just did my best. Despite Jack nagging me to drink more...The day was so hard. I felt so uncomfortable. At 4pm I had to begin the medicine drink.....sweet jesus. I tasted like cheap lemon sweets and smelled like it too - proper lemon chemical. Which you may think is fine and you could drink it. I had to drink a litre of it which is A LOT then a litre of water all before 6pm baring in mind I had been just drinking all day. then start the next litre of medicine and litre of water at 6pm.
This was all to make me empty the content of my bowels. However to say I started it at 4pm, by 8pm I was concerned that nothing was happening. I thought I would be ringing the hospital up to saying "sorry you cant do it as I havent pooped yet!"
Jack nagged me that I hadnt finished all the medicine....I could have murdered him. I shouted at him saying "dont you think I would have if I could have!? I can not physically fit anymore fluid in me! leave me alone I have done my best. besides doctors have no idea how big of a woman i am the UK average is a size 14 I am a size 10 so it might be impossible to fit all that in me!" as I had fallen short of about 500ml of medicine
we went to bed and at 10pm thats when the explosions started.....oh my god for the next 4 HOURS I destroyed that toilet. It was horrible. Just horrible. I felt awful. I felt weak from not eating and emptying myself out. my stomach felt like 9 months pregnant of air and water, I didnt know how I was suppose to sleep when i felt this rotten.
I woke up at 7am needing to run to the toilet yet again... my toilet was just a smouldering pit after id finished with it...
so this led us to wednesday
the day of my procedure
I was nervous as hell. I still wasnt allowed to eat and the last drink of water I was allowed was at 8:30pm
Jack drove us to the hospital and we were 15mins early but even so I was called straight through like they had all been waiting for me, so it gave my anxiety less time to build. I was asked my name and date of birth 100 times. My blood pressure was taken sooooo many times. I was so nervous. The doctor who would be performing it all came to see me and put a needle thing in my arm. I usually lay down for needles but he didnt let me he just held my hand and did it all with the other hand, he was a pro I give you that. I was visibly shaking at this point and my eyes watered and i whimpered i probably looked like such a wimp. Jack watching on and encouraging me. then I had to get changed into a gown and these disposable shorts. I then went into the minor procedures room.
in there were 5 staff total. And the staff made it. Honestly they were amazing. so for the first procedure the endoscopy I had opted to be knocked out - to be honest I thought I was being knocked out for the whole thing but anyway. They sprayed the inside of my mouth with this god awful spray and it numbed the whole of my mouth and as it went down my throat it numbed my throat, wind pipe etc it was a very odd feeling. I had to put a mouth piece in my mouth to protect my teeth and keep my mouth open. Then they knocked me out and the next thing I know I was being woken up and asked to role onto my other side. they were starting the colonoscopy....
but i am awake!? I said "dont I get more stuff to get knocked out?" and he said "no no you cant have anymore" so thats it? I have to endure this awake!?
so then I was having 1 whole metre of camera rod shoved up my arse hole. it was very uncomfortable and whats more I was watching it all on a big tv. It was a very surreal experience and I think I bled my adrenal glands that day. I was just watching my insides and whats more I was watching jet my insides with water and air but also cut my insides up! I felt no fear or worry and I feel this was down to the previous drugs in my system.
He removed a few lumps from my intestines that given time could become cancerous he also noted my stomach is inflamed he also took 7 biopsies from my large intestines. Just go ahead and cut it all up doc it dont work anyway!
when he was finished and said farewell to my arsehole on screen, my blood pressure was taken another 100 times until in the end I asked the nurse "is it low or something?" she said "yeah its just always low its not coming up" I said "thats just me, mine is always very low" then with that Iwas wheeled through to the recovering room, that was the best bit the wheeling through!
in the recovery room my blood pressure what checked more and yup still low guys. I asked or more like begged to go to the toilet. my back end was wet....now cus I couldnt see I wasnt sure if it was wet from water from the doctor or poo. During the procedure they said I might feel the need to fart and to please do so, but given the state of my stools lately I couldnt risk farting as I didnt trust said fart. So I needed to check if my arse end was clean. So I had a doctor on each arm take me to the toilet. It revealed to just be the water from it all, thank god. I went back to my bed and then I was allowed to get changed.
then I was taken to a room where jack was allowed in and I got a cup of tea and biscuits. I had been told not to eat a load of food at once, the drugs can take a day to wear off, and I might poo blood. Then I was on my merry way.
Jack bought me home, but on the way home I ate the snacks I had bought with me~ this gave me horrendous pain in my stomach. I told Jack I shouldnt have done that cus they said NOT to do that. he was annoyed and wish I had told him sooner so he could stop me XD but I was starving I had gone like 30 hours without food for gods sake!
I got home and I had lunch I couldnt finish and I was in a ball of pain with hot bag, I think my stomach was just massively sore.
I did nothing the rest of the day apart from my mum and brother coming to see me and wanting to hear about it all. I couldnt finish my dinner ether. Since then in fact I am struggling with food its like they fitted a gastric band or something. No way can your stomach shrink that fast right!?
I was also STILL having to dash to the toilet. At one point just bloody tissue came out. I was THAT empty that my body was literally crapping out organs and tissue....
thursday~
our 4th anniversary! so we went into the city centre, I havent been in such a long time. I gave Jack before we went his gift which was a matching tshirt set with me! its pokemon and I wanted to twin with him and be a cringy couple XD we looked round a lot of shops and he offered to buy me stuff but I felt like it was just buying for the sake of buying. we had a hot chocolate which was amazing, I was so grateful of my stomach feeling more my own. I hadnt had to go to the toilet once! I got a few crafty things and Jack got warhammer things he wanted so he took me round his nerd shops. We went to the dessert place to find it shut but honestly I was struggling to walk by this point, id had enough. I enjoyed myself and I still had places I wanted to go but yeah I couldnt do it. And at this point we saw the bus home pulling up so I said to jack "can I just go home please" he was disappointed in himself for not checking ahead of time what dessert places were open so he could have taken me and that the whole thing didnt go to plan and that he didnt buy me anything. I was just happy I had left the house! not been to the city for 2 years!
I then went after lunch for a himalyan massage. It was bloody fantastic and I almost fell asleep!!! it was soooo nice. She said to keep the salts on my skin over night as they have 83 minerals in for my skin to absorb.
I came home and just laid down. Completely done.
friday -- today
I was planning on cleaning my house. However my body did not want to clean or do anything other than ache. I felt like I had fallen down a cliff. I am in horrendous pain. Its from walking round and from massage. Worth it all tho. So I have done very little today much to my frustration. Its all pressure I am putting on myself tho. So to feel productive I made my brother a birthday card and mum came over to dye my hair~ jack is gaming tonight and I am just hear doing a massive diary entry.
tomorrow
food shop in morning and the usual chores that I am hoping to be up for me, and maybe some of the cleaning I wanted to do today. I also am hopefully going with Jack to see his friends at harveys for pre-drinks or in my case no-drinks haha i want to see everyone and show my face as I havent been meeting up with them I usually just drop jack off. But I want to go, I wont be going into the city centre for drinks tho like Jack probably will with them all. I do wonder if he will be tempted to go home with me XD
sunday just chores and maybe clean the car, I dont wanna burn myself out before school like I said its just pressure I am putting on myself
I have ordered some japanese learning books online hopefully they will be good
Oz gets weighed tomorrow I dont think he has lost anything. His new tubes came this week and bloody loves them! its getting him moving more anyway
next week go back to school and I get to see Lizi again now shes back from her other school placement and also see my brother for the first time in the school environment!
in 6 weeks time I get my results back from the procedure. I am not worried. I just havent gone through all this to be diagnosed with IBS....
