I didn't sleep as per usual
I couldnt get off to sleep but it wasnt pain that was the issue
it was my head, jeez my head was busy
I couldnt stop it I tried to focus on something else to focus on my breath
anything but it was relentless and in the end I got up
had a hot choc and went back to bed at 1am
from there I woke up as usual
I got up and sat with my girls
then I got ready for my first ever dance/exercise video id found online
i chose a half hour one to do, start at the deep end as usual
and i enjoyed it, i turned the volume right down on the video and had my itunes playing so it was a lil weird dancing to a different tune but i could not being doing with all the american "wooos" and "youre doing great" cheesy crap
I completed the video all the way through without stopping
i sweating but i enjoyed it
i went for a shower then and got ready to meet adam
i sat and had my lunch with pinks
I met adam at the gym and picked him up
we went to his and played pokemon
but i went so cold even with the heating on
so i was in one of adams jacket, sitting on the floor in front of a radiator and drinking hot tea
eventually blood started circulating and i perked up a bit
i stop functioning when i get too cold i literally turn off and start to sleep
i didnt want to sleep
after i warmed through rather than get cold again i went into his room were its warmer than downstairs and sat on the bed with my legs in the sheets
we talked about my birthday and just other stuff
until i set off at 5pm to go chemist on the way home for my usual medication
got home and i have not stopped being restless
ive been pacing the house i think its an anxiety thing
i have a lot on my mind it would seem and i think im worrying about sleeping tonight as well
just very messy and noisy head
not sure how to destress it all out really
ive got Oz with me to try relax me and i will do some colouring tonight
not sure whether to watch a dvd or not
I knew adam could tell there was something up with me
but i just didnt know how to express what my problems were
and as much as i want to tell mum i feel she has enough to deal with without
knowing my mentalness
i did tell adam bits but i didnt go into all of it
talking about it makes me feel less normal as no one can relate to how i am
i feel alone with it
and dont want to trouble others
tomorrow i need to clean pets out
and i would like to try another exercise video as well in the morning
then might see adam might even see tara in the evening
here are my nails this week, bunnies for Oz's birthday!
