I didn't sleep well and ended up getting up at 5am for pain killers
I have as of yesterday managed to drop a pain killer during the day
so I was on 8 a day now im on just 2 a day
+2 which is a different pain killer
I didn't want to get up and was woken up by the agency ringing me
but screw em Ive rang them twice now and asked them to call me back
but they didnt and decided to call at 8am! screw em!
I got up anyway and felt like road kill
My morning started with a bit of dancing then I started working
on the dungarees mia gave me
mum came back from acupuncture and we went to the super market
i havent been in quite a while we were gonna go there then Boots
so I could look at hair dye but I ended up choosing one from the super market
i went for 'plum'
I have never had purple hair before
we got home and had lunch then I laid down for an hour
i was feeling mentally much better than yesterday but still not perfect
me and mum went for a walk and it turned out to be a right crap walk
she brought up the fact that dad wants ME to sell my car
and at the whole thing I feel like having a total melt down
I started getting frustrated with the situation and then at myself for not being able
to handle simple things so I got upset whilst walking and it took a while to calm down
because it wasnt just that thought that was troubling me it was everything
everything comes piling to the front of my mind in a mix like a hurricane
and its hard to deal with
we got home and had a brew and i talked about how im finding everything
so difficult lately
she said "you need a husband to sort all this out for you"
i said "i dont need a husband i just need a normal head!"
she went to dye my hair then
and I am dark purple
yup its quite dark indeed and purply XD
I havent told anyone that ive done it
afterwards i had a shower and went and continued the dungarees
i ended up finishing them and i think they look cute
mum liked them anyway
i packed up and went on my laptop
I got my hair wax in the post this week
I am yet to try it
its smells like cream and it looks like it has a soft texture and a light texture too
i look forward to giving it a go
tomorrow i am seeing adam
im looking forward to being cuddled up in his arms
i just want to be put at ease
lately i feel like tranquillising myself just so i can sleep or chill out
sick of my mental state
its really really taking its toll
