Evening
I still got up for 2 wees in the night, its so annoying. I slept til 7:15am apart from that.
I got up with Jack and we had breakfast together.
I then got some actual free time to myself to do a bit of painting which was nice
we did our weekly food shop which I was not in the mood for at all but we got it done
we came home and unpacked and had tea cake and tea with Ozwald. He knows the routine XD
Then we did soup, whilst it was cooking I planted grass seeds in a patch that I didnt get round to doing. It only took me just under half hour but my god if I thought I had back before I certainly had back afterwards. Sweet jesus it hurt T^T but luckily it didnt hurt too much after my just dance with weights from last night - really thought I was gonna hurt from that one 0.0
So I had my lunch and went to bed and just dozed, I couldnt fall asleep as I was in too much pain. It it soul destroying when you try and escape pain that pain keeps you awake. Its like never ending torture.
I got up as my parents were coming round, we are looking after dad's motorbike for a week as they need to garage space so he brought that round. Mum had a quick fuss of Oz, he came running to her when she called him which was sweet. They didnt stay as I didnt want dad to stay.
I then suggested to do a walk with Jack as the sun was actually out so we did a half hour walk which killed me off.
We came in and I had fruit loaf and tea
then we sat for an hour together doing some biology revision
I cried
pure and simple I broke down crying
I can't do this
I am not good at maths in the slightest.
how does anyone do maths in science? what the hell is standard form? significant figures? converting? and the way he naturally does it too it even more depressing. Its like we are just adding 2 and 2. i couldnt do it and still cant do it. When he thought about it he was like "yeah maybe I am doing A-level maths with you"
just maybe!? it was freakin' university level!! it was horrendous
Its put my confidence to the floor
its flat as a pancake
how I am gonna pass this test on thursday I have no idea TT^TT
he said hes gonna look at my test, see what I am tested on - and the LEVEL
i think he was doing level 10 when I am like level 4
I left it after an hour as I felt like crap about myself. he was sorry.
I finished off my canvas after that ordeal! needed something good in my life to say the least
its ok, i mean its nothing fantastic and I dont know what I will do with it ether :/
I did dinner and decided against my first decision, to make some more biscuits
however I totally made up the recipe! didnt look at any recipe or weigh anything! just see how it turned out, wanted to try and make them 'healthier' so they have hardly any butter in or sugar and more oats and egg. a few chocolate chips and I shall see tomorrow what they taste like or might try tonight
I am now in the living room with my boys. I feel like death. I want to cry. I am so low and tired. Think thats what it is - just constant tiredness and pain. I havent escaped it all weekend all week. Now I have work in the morning and Julia is off all week too so we need to cover for her and its going to be exhausting to say the least. I just want to find a hole to die in if I am honest
tonight I am taking medicated sleeping tablets as I just want rest I want sleep and proper deep sleep at that. I need to recharge
so yeah its work tomorrow
its also insec day so im off timetable, Jack has given me a shed load of jobs and I get to wear non-uniform. The only good thing is that I have an easy dinner to cook~
