Konbanwa~~~
I didn't sleep
despite taking 3 tablets last night
so it has confirmed to me that these tablets have become ineffective and a doing more harm than good to me. Safe to say I was tired when I woke up as 3 tablets makes you feel drowsy but doesnt quite put you under so I felt a bit zombified this morning. woke up at 9:15 D:
My morning was just me getting showered and ready to see mia
I went over to see her, realised id forgotten my graphics tablet pen so I said I needed
to go home and get it, put eye drops in my eyes before I claw my eyes out, and put a t-shirt on as its warmed up! so we did that and then we went to the shops for her party stuff
we had lunch out and I had dull chicken soup, I was offered bread but had to turn it out T^T
hate life, mia is there with panini and cake!!!
we went back to hers and i let her have ago on my graphics tablet as she hasnt been on one before she found it strange and convinced she wouldnt get used to one, i told her she would as I felt the same. She got Rob to order her one last night. I will be envious of how new it looks as mine looks truly quite tired now!
I did some drawing I drew a mouse deer
I've got a bit of work to do with it yet
I left at about 4ish as I could feel my stomach griping
I got home and got to the toilet in time
god knows what had upset it id only had 1 hot chocolate, 2 teas, chicken soup
i was starving!
since i got home I had a look at what im gonna wear tomorrow for mia's party
chose a design for my nails tonight
and watched a couple of youtube videos that was it til dinner
my family had salmon stake and vegetables
i had salad with salmon which wasnt too bad
after dinner my dad said that if i want the Terrius that I could have it
i said I needed another drive of it and to properly look at it
so I grabbed my brother to come with me as it was at my dad's work place
we drove round the country lanes and its a weird sensation driving 4x4
the car kinda rolls and fights you
you are very active with steering
I came home and said that I do like the car but im wondering that even tho it would be fun to own and drive it, long term i wonder how practical it would to own. Dad agreed but said if i wanted it for a bit of fun I could. He then went on to tell me the yearly TAX for it was £300...
£300 on car tax...
I DONT THINK SO!!!!!
What the hell are you paying for there!? to pay people to fill in pot holes craply!?
id want a sports car for that money
so its a no, i will keep my Kia Rio -______-
Later on I told mum that one of my friends had googled the side effects of my new medication, Dosulepin. And said how nasty they are. So I googled them and read the 'best' ones to mum and we both looked at each other and could understand why theyre a 'last resort' medication
theyre bloody awful! and explain a lot of what has been going off with me
as mum and adam say im not the same person
and im not im really not im fighting onto who i am
its hard and im worrying about what happens when i run out of strength to hold on
so we've come to a decision - me and mum
tonight I take 1 tablet
tomorrow night no tablet
sunday night 1 tablet then from there no tablets
I will see my psychologist on friday who I will get to refer me to psychiatrist to talk properly about my medication. I am NOT seeing my GP as he is grasping as straws and its doing more harm than good right now.
it will mean for a short while I will be without anti-dpressiants, which I havent been without for years now but Im hoping that I may not need them, I certainly cant be any worse than what I am now.
Tomorrow~
I have a hair cut at 10:30am
then I do as I please for a bit
then at 3:30pm I go over to mia's were she wants us to get ready together
do our hair and make up that basically means
but she wants to 'help' or more like 'do' my hair and make up XD
i dont mind i will indulge her on this as its her first house party
then I see how my night goes from there~
She brought some eye lashes today and thing she wants me to wear mine also
I remembered I brought these last month - can make eye lashes!