I didn't sleep well at all last night
I had my usual nightmare which was just off the scales
thats the worst it's been in a very long time
I still can't get over what happened actually it's just not possible for me to have
these thoughts and dreams its almost like having another entity inside me
it scared me actually scratch that
i woke up sweating but not only that i was shaking in fear
i was terrified
so safe to say it took quite a while to get off to sleep
I was tired come the morning
I had doctors at 8:50am
only just got there on time!
but he saw me and prescribed me yet another steroid cream for my dry skin
I havent been to collect it tho yet
hopefully it works cus i've had enough of it I truly have
Came home and took my Oz to the vets
god talk about stressful
they were running 30min late....
I didnt complain cus it turns out they were putting down a very sick cat
but honestly it was like 'bring your barking dog to the vet day'
just 4 dogs all giving it some plus one in the back you could hear
poor Oz was stressed beyond belief
then when he did get examined he was terrified and kept coming to me
she said he weighed 1.5kg so he weighs less than tiffin but at times looks
almost as big as my old prince
he had his injection and said he could be neutered in about a month
the vet recommended that Oz was to be paired up with a female once he was neutered
well that aint happening!
came home to let Oz home and chill out
then me and mum eventually set off for some shops on the other side of town
it's a trek but it was well worth going actually
I got a fair few things and when I got home turns out I had a delivery of clothes
so safe to say I have enough now! but here's what I brought today
2 shirts from next for £4 each!!!! suppose to be £28!
A plain top from next for £3
a shirt from matalan for £6
and a set of pajamas from matalan for £8
then I brought these for Adam as a surprise they were reduced to £3.49!
he brought me a pokemon poster which I love and I wanted to get him something I told him I was gonna pick him up something at the convention but I doubt that will happen and he has a dart board on his bedroom wall and I wanna play damn it! but he says he's lost his darts
so here I am buying him some~ I hope he likes em~
I also picked up a new ironing board for my craft :D
we came home at 2pm
i was starving for lunch!
so i ate then went to bed I was just physically and mentally exhausted
I got up and Ironed my Haruhi Suzumiya cosplay as I will be cosplaying as her
tomorrow morning!
Im meeting helina at 11 at the doors she has my ticket
then its up to her whether she walks round with me or not
its never very good but something to do
then depending on the time I will ether go straight home or call
in at adam's house. i can tell he feels a lil strange about me being dressed in cosplay
its really not his thing and i dont think he has a clue what im actually wearing
so i have such a temptation to call in and see his face XD
hope i sleep tonight
all of today I have thought about how I am going to get help
im not sure what to do or who to turn to
i feel maybe i am gonna lose it one day and become someone i dont want to be
and see people ether afraid of me or hate me
i can feel it bubbling beneath my skin
why cant i be normal?
i know people say "who is normal?" but this isn't normal
Mum's friend works with those who suffer big time with mental health
im wondering if she could put me through to anyone /:
grasping at straws here
anyway convention tomorrow~
