Evening~
This is one long entry be warned
To say Im going through a rough time is an
understatement right now
Im struggling to keep going
I barely slept last night, worrying about everything
I got up at 8:30am as I wanted to see mum off before she went
to work, and for reassurance for what I was gonna do that morning
I sat with pigs and had breakfast
then I got all my Mad Science stuff together
the 2 kits, my lab coat and the paper work like registers
at 10:30am I left for the office
I was worried sick, my mum told me not to be as
loads of people have come on gone at Mad Science
its not like I am the first person to quit and that they have
dropped the crap on me loads so its my turn
I arrived and got the stuff outta my car
I asked if Mary - the manager - was in
she was upstairs so I went up the steps my heart beating rapid
what did I say? who am i kiddin, thats all ive been thinking about all night
she said "i'll be with you in a sec"
so I waited nervously
Mary "ok Jo what can I do for you"
me "Ive come to say that im leaving today"
Mary "oh right" she looked shocked "well this does,
put me in the crap if Im honest with you, could you not just finish this term or this week?"
I shook my head, i could feel tears stinging in the corner of my eyes
Mary "right ok, do you want to sit down and talk about it?"
I shook my head my mouth not moving
Mary "can I ask the reason, I'll just need to tell Johnny as to why your leaving"
(Johnny is the owner of Mad Science who thinks nothing of the presenters)
Now I had thought about telling her the complete truth, that the kits are crap and broken,
that we run around after mad science, we work for absolute pence and we never get a thank you
but i thought "what good will it do?" after all many before me have left saying the exact
same thing, and what did mad science do about it? nothing. saying all that would change nothing
and then Mary would try and convince me to stay, give me some crap "that the kits are
having money spent on them" as we've heard for the last 8 months
so in stead I said "my gran is dying" at this point I couldnt keep my tears away
they burned down my face
Mary "oh Jo, it's not nice is it"
Me "she hasnt got long, my parents work full time so I volunteered to leave my job
so I could care for her"
Mary "so theres no chance you can work this week?" - notice how thats all shes bothered about
Me "Sorry"
Mary "its ok"
Me "i know its sudden but we've suddenly found out, thats why I wasnt at work yesterday"
Mary "right ok, but we may not be able to pay you for this month"
I looked up at her and in my mind I was gob smacked
I thought, I have worked her 12months, I have worked hard, on not much notice, for little money I am leaving due to a family matter and you cant even pay me 1 month's wages!?
Mary "its what Johnny is like, its his way of keeping presenters from leaving"
I was just thinking "and this is why I am leaving the company, as thats how much you
and Johnny think of me. all boils down to money money money
I looked at her "just forget the money Mary"
Life isnt about money, yes id earned it. But I wasnt prepared to be black mailed into it
Mary "i'll talk to Johnny see what he says"
Me "anyway thank you and see you around"
and that was it, I left Mad Science crying, never thought id leave that way
it reminded me of the time my illness started and i was forced to leave college
i had to make the decision to leave and that was upsetting
and i thought, even now, part of the reason im leaving is because of my health
i dont want to become ill again
I got home mum could see i was upset so she hugged me and supported me
told me that its for the best and something will turn up something better
i told her "yes but i dont know when, i just hope you and dad arent disappointed im at home"
mum was happy that i was at home and told me that they both support me in this
so its nice having that i do appreciate being told those words
me and mum had to be over at grannys for 1pm as the doctor was coming over
the doctor didnt come til 2pm tho
in the mean time i layed on the bed with granny talking to her and helping
sit up and drink as shes too weak to lift herself up
the doctor offered to refer her to a place called "haywood House"
now granny has been wanting to go there, its round the clock care for
people with terminal cancer. She wanted to go to relieve my mum but also
she didnt want to die in her home, my mum was to inherit the house and she didnt
want that memory of her being dead in the house - found this out today how thoughtful
so with that the doctor made a few phone calls and luckily there was a bed!
we rang a taxi, my brother went and fetched a wheel chair from the doctor surgery
as the doctor said we could borrow it to take her in
but whilst we were waiting for the taxi me and my brother spent some quality time together
i sat in the chair, so he took me in the garden but we realized grass isnt
the best terrain so he took me through the house, i told him to practice for when
granny is in the chair as shes fragile
he got to the front and figured out how to get her out
when we were out he went a bit mental with me and in the wheel chair and the tarmac...
he was doing 360's in the middle of the road but the wheel chair was on 2 wheels at the time
all the time im in this wheel chair
running up and down the road with me in it. god knows what people must have thought
if they saw us, probably a pair of stupid teenagers messing around
then finally he was running fast up the pavement me shouting "GO ON HAVE IT!!!"
We saw mum on the front of granny's drive waiting...
she had told granny "its gone quiet, bet theyre up to something"
so she had gone to see what we were doing, and wasnt impressed with us "test driving"
the wheel chair XD im sorry but it did have to be done
after the taxi had arrived at haywood house i booked her in at reception whilst
mum was on the phone to my dad
granny told me she felt sick, i knew what she meant that taxi driver was a mad driver
so i quickly told a doctor who was standing around and he saw to her
granny threw up 5 times in 15mins, the journey had made her feel sick
we got her settled in a room, granny look exhausted i knew she was
but there was so many forms to fill out. my mum answered as much as she could for granny
granny all the while looking like she wanted to go to sleep
so i hinted to the nurse that granny needed a rest
so she took me mum and my brother to the "quiet room" and spoke to us there
offered us counseling and help to deal with the situation
i sat there thinking "please dont ask me how i feel im only just keeping my tears in"
i came back to grannys room to find a bloody doctor with her, do they give her any rest!?
i was annoyed and the doctor eventually left and i told granny she could rest
we waited for dad to come pick us up which was at 5pm
granny is in a lovely place, i mean we had heard people speak of haywood house
how lovely it was but i was amazed. there was a family room
and a room were you could bring your own meals to cook, make free tea and coffee
fridges and freezers so you could bring your own food
grannys room has a spare bed if you want to sleep over with them
just everything you could need, she has a big bird feeder right outside her window
and we watched the birds and squirrels fight over the nuts
im sure she will be happy there
i told her we would keep an eye on her house, not that shes coming back to it
now im home, shattered and just want my bed
but i have pet duties to have
i randomly cry through out the day
mum says im emotionally fragile today
but can you blame me?
