Jo did not get to sleep til 3am...
couldnt switch off
its strange but when i listen to the house there is no noise, maybe the odd sound from my family sleeping but apart from that, no sound. yet in my, the noise. its relentless
so many thoughts and voices
it is going to drive me mad one day
i woke up at 7am and thought "you can forget it" rolled over and woke up at 9am
6 hours sleep isnt too bad
today it was starting out to be a warm day rather quickly
and i felt like going for a walk in the morning rather than afternoon
and i was just about to announce that to mum when she came out and said the same thing!
so we went for a morning walk and walked deep into the woods
it was good actually
then i came back and showered and had a brew
i was hoping for fabric to come in the post
sadly it did not
but what did come in the post was my new camera battery and so far it seems to work fine
so i can actually record dances now without it dying!
i cleaned my room which i meant to do yesterday but totally forgot
so i changed my bed, dusted my room, hoovered up
all tidy ^^
i didnt fall asleep today so im hoping i sleep tonight
i spoke to jack he looked tired
he said he was up til 3am gaming then couldnt sleep and woke up at 12:30
i said it never seems fair that he is up by choice at that time playing with his mates and such whereas i am up at that time simply cus im in pain and or cant turn off mentally and im alone
always always alone at night
he hasnt been doing a great deal with himself
i said i would really really like to see him sunday as its easter so dad is home sunday AND monday and whats more mum is on about getting him to do some DIY, some decorating...thats just asking for it. i cant cope with that - i never can. so i will try and escape to jack's of course the lock down will hopefully be over with but who knows im still tempted to go over as i think i will crack
i struggled to think of ideas for coasters i want to draw and get printed/made
i looked and then i had a random idea
seeing as jack wasnt helping me with any ideas i thought "make em crazy cute"
so im doing some proper loli/moe/kawaii coasters
all girls and all drinking tea
i told him and i think he is ok with it actually
he has no choice XD gonna be sickly cute
i started the outline of the first one - i have 4 to do in total
just need to draw her tea cup in front of her mouth
something i am not used to drawing i have to say so it will be a new challenge for me
i might have a quick run through of the dances im learning right now tonight as its 8:30pm
i will then see my lad who is sulking as i keep kicking him out the shed
i did sit outside with him today and brought him in for a brew
he gets love X3
tomorrow i hope fabric will come to be honest it is said to arrive tomorrow and thursday so we shall see which out of the 4 pieces ordered will actually come!
if not i will continue with my drawing
i am gonna dance in the morning as my family are out
dad working
and mum and brother are going for the weekly food shop
i have to stay home >.>
need a change of scenery so badly
anyway i cant complain as others have it far worse than me
i think id be fine if i wasnt mentally ill
its that which is getting to me right now
cus im stressed and not handling it its making my pain worse
when im suffering the voices become louder
we all wish for normality again
