Evening
Why can't I sleep TT^TT like seriously...what has gone wrong with my sleeping!?
I get to bed - shattered - lay there and lay there, then the aches kick in as I have laid there for too long and suddenly it feels like I am laying on concrete and so have to get up and then take pain killers, wait for them to work. Go back to bed and try again.
So Jack got up with me til 12:30 last night which is when we went back to bed again. Bless him he doesnt need to get up with me but he says he wants to be there for me. I woke up at 2am for a wee and again at 5am.....why is life so cruel T^T I got up at 8am. Oz was so happy to see me this morning he ran a circle in his cage it was so cute and he hasnt done something so energetic in ages XD
I got up and ready to go, left the house at 9:25am as I wanted to check TK MAXX for a warmer jacket. But they had nothing!!!! Things were ether too expensive or just straight up coat. I dont need another coat I just need a warm jacket!!! I did manage to buy my brother a christmas present tho. Mia met me at 10am in TK and she brought stuff for her dogs.
We went to pets at home from there, she brought the dogs more treats, we went to B&Q as she wanted wall paint. Then we went for a drink. I told her I was paying for everything as we havent been out together to celebrate her engagement. So I got us both a drink, her a sandwich and a cake. I went for a biscuit. My god there was loads of cakes but what I didnt realise in costa is that everything has the calories printed on it. I didnt know I was having that much of an issue with food once again that I care what calories are in things. I couldnt bring myself to eat a 400 cal cake. To be honest at this point I didnt want any cake or biscuit as all I could think about was the calories. But i didnt want to not 'take part' in eating with her so I brought a 230 cal biscuit. Which I didnt even enjoy as all I could think about was the calories I was eating and what I needed to do to burn them off.
at 12:30 I called it as I wanted to get home and have lunch and drugs. I was tired. Been out the house 3 hours and was done -______-
so I came home, ate and laid on the bed but of course I couldnt escape my pain in sleep as I no longer need sleep apparently!
I got up and sent mum a txt that she can come over for a chat and tea
we had tilly to discuss. Mum had taken tilly to the vets AGAIN this is the 4th time she has been in her 2 year life. Once again she is on antibiotics. She is squealing when peeing. AGAIN. The vet recommended that tilly has an ultra sound and an X-ray. She would need to be put to sleep and be at the vets for the majority of the day. This will of course give great stress to tilly. And to truffs who will be waiting at home alone.
I said to mum "even if you have this done, and she has got like bladder stones. We wont put her a through an operation. Or she might have cancer and if so she cant be operated on anyway. I wouldnt put her through it. I would cure her this time and might have to put her down next time"
"its a shame as shes lovely and healthy. But I cant have her cut up and then have to nurse her by myself. its too much, too stressful. But its hard to put a young pig down. I have to think they have had the best possible life tho. I have spoiled her rotten"
I feel we do this, we lose 2 pigs a year, not every year obviously but we do tend to lose them in pairs. So sad as Tilly is lovely and just lives to eat. Her world is food. Shes a simple soul.
we shall see I guess
I made meatballs for dinner in a BBQ sauce and put that on cobs for jack and melted cheese on too he said it was 'fucking amazing' yes he was happy and full XD i had my meatballs with sweet potato. It made enough for leftovers
then after dinner I did my science homework didnt need too much help with it ether. I just need to have more confidence in myself
Now I am gonna have a bath then see Oz
tomorrow
I am going out in the morning to meet with with Lizzi the art technician from school
first time seeing one another outside of school!
I am driving 40mins away to an abbey to walk round the lake there and have a picnic, so I am setting off just before 10am. Should be a nice day. Just tiring! I hope I can get some sleep ><
