I slept pretty well
got up for school
same old really
school was busy
and hot
working in a 27c humid glass house isnt pleasant to say the least
i struggled today
mentally and physically
i didnt want my lunch but after being nagged by jack and julia i did eat
just felt sick with anxiety
i ached god i ached so much
i was finding it hard to think, i was tired, in pain and hot
i just wanted to go home
to be honest i think if the day had gone on any longer i would have cried
Jack asked me "is everything ok, you're not your usually bubbly self"
i said "i am ok im just tired and in pain"
he said "you know im here for you and if theres anything i can do just say ok?"
its nice hes there but god knows why he cares so much sometimes
i feel like im not deserving of the job sometimes, like he should have employed someone more sciency and healthy
i didnt have to deal with the maggots personally today so that was one good thing
and someone brought cake in so that was a good pick me up
i left at 4pm before i keeled over
driving home i cried a bit to myself
i ached and was so tired
i knew it was a yoga night
and i knew mum wanted to go and heck i wanted to go
i want to do things for myself instead of work and sleep
but i got home i changed into pajamas and cried
mum listened and was sad to see me like that
but i just hit a wall and had had enough
as much as i enjoy work it does feel like im punishing my body by going there
im so done in
i feel asleep and my brother woke me as my mum had gone yoga by herself
so i did some food and took A LOT of pain relief
i just wanted to be numb and to stop feeling
and it worked some what but i feel quite sick
i needed to continue with jack's mug
so i did a bit more on that
and ive come up with a potential design
im gonna show mum and look at it again tomorrow
tomorrow
is school
god only knows how i will get through the day
im coming home after school im not staying at jack's
i know hes missed gaming and not having the internet so im letting him
get it out his system
besides i probably need the rest
im hoping he rests as he didnt go to bed til 1am cus he was playing games
honestly
like a sodding teenager
we have a night out with the guys on saturday and ive missed the last 3 due to bad health so im hoping i can join him for that
just got to get tomorrow out the way
