Evening
I kinda slept but my nose kept getting clogged, you know how colds are >.>
mum said that tilly seems to be doing a bit better at least
it has been getting colder and Oz when I picked him up this morning from the grass was shivering a bit bless him - its not THAT cold yet tho Oz, so I put him home with morning carrot and he soon forgot about being cold.
We took the DT technician to work again. We have had him for 5weeks now but he did announce this morning to us he has brought a car - finally ^^
I was sicky anxious about work today just because of the practical. But I tried so hard with it all and did myself too without Jack holding my hand. I got nailed. But it stressed me out loads
I got the rest of the day done, tried my new headphones also which was good but literally only got to play one song!
On the way home the DT technician asked to drive by somewhere on the way home - this is the 3rd time I have played taxi for this guy. So I pulled in off the main road to find the place blocked up but I tried to drive up somewhere to find signs everywhere saying "no dropping off or parking or stopping!" followed with "£100 fine!" I felt sick and stressed as I waited the DT technician to come back to my car with a stupid car part he had ordered!! All I could think about was "am I getting a £100 fine now!?" I dont have £100 to waste right now!!!! So I was stressed out and I was sure to tell the technician off my stress when he got back to the car a few mins later. I bit Jack's head off so yeah
he made me fruit loaf and tea when I got home but I felt so sick with stress that I didnt enjoy the treat I look forward to each day >.>
I cried a bit on the bed and Jack cuddled me whilst I ranted off to him that
"i put so much effort into practicals and get stressed by them, and for what? for some members of staff to talk to me like crap, I kindly take a technician to get a car part and I end up worrying and getting stressed out over a potential fine. Why is it I try to be good to people but I get stressed out by it? stress makes my aches so much worse. They go home not giving the day a second through whereas I am left with the stress and pain. I should just stop caring so much about others maybe. Be selfish"
he cuddled me and I decided to get up and do dinner. Wasnt gonna do its self was it.
we had dinner and then I decided to do my diary and then I am gonna try a new GrowwithJo video. Jack offered a walk but I didnt want to get cold cus its kinda dampy cold out there tonight. But he just thought it would calm my head. To calm my head I cut my skin with scissors. Skin is hard to snip but I did it a blood came straight away, I left it there but gave my mind something else to think about. Hurts now tho, I shall show no one. My underpants cover it so no one will see. I have just had enough
tomorrow is a new day tho
I hope I sleep tonight, at least I can watch anime with Jack tonight as he hasnt come to bed with me for 2 nights now.
No hard practicals tomorrow luckily~
