Evening
I slept pretty well, think I kinda woke up to Jack coming to bed. I was playing pokemon til 10pm I was so tired tho -____-
we woke up at 7:30am as I set an alarm so we could get going with the day
by 8:20am we were on our way to shopping~ we got to the second shop and the key wouldnt come out the car ignition. Jack wouldnt just let me leave the banger like that so made me stay with the car whilst he shopped >.> stupid crappy car
we got home and Jack sprayed WD40 in the ignition and the key released. I swear something goes wrong in that car everytime we use it.
we unpacked, I cleaned Oz out, had a quick cup of tea, 25mins on just dance, shower. *pant pant* I was constantly on the go! I had a lot to do >.> so now that it was 11am I needed to go up to my dad's garage. I did not want to. Jack offered his support but I thought I would spare him and leave him at home he also had a load of stuff to do.
I txt mum to say I was going up and she said she would meet me there
I saw my dad after I had pulled up, he said to bring the car onto his ramp - instant anxiety. I have never drove a car on a ramp before. So I am trying my best and my dad is pointing with his finger but I am trying my best and looking where I am going and he yells at me whilst showing me his pointed finger
"DONT YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS!? IM POINTING!!"
I got out the car and said "I havent done this before!!!"
he said "I had a bloke drive into the ramp post" I said "well I wasnt THAT bad then"
I walked off after he passed me the other car keys
got round the corner and had an anxiety/panic attack
I couldnt breathe and I thought I was going to throw up right there and then, tears streamed down my face I was panting and hyperventilating and of course this is the moment my mum drives into my dad's garage car park. She sees me in a state and was like "whats wrong!!?" I said between gasps and pants "I will say in a minute" I was trying to catch my breath I managed to get out "he shouted at me, I had to go on the ramp and I havent done it before"
mum was annoyed. That dad just cant be nice for 5mins. if she had been a little bit earlier she would have been there. So she was annoyed at how rude dad is. So I sat in her car with the air conditioning up and blowing my nose and wiping my eyes. I WAS DRAINED
but I had still to test drive the car....
so mum came and sat in the seat next to me and I drove for like 2mins just for a test drive
It was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much nicer than what I had been driving round in -___- it doesnt feel like too much of a down grade from my previous car. Its got a nasty car tax unfortunately, because of its engine size so I am gonna guess the insurance will be nasty too. But the rid is nicer, the seats arent knackered and it looks better. Its baby blue~ I should get it soon, dad just has a bit more work to do to it.
I came home after thanking mum for her support
I cried when I got home cus I was telling Jack about it all, he felt so bad for me. I said "it seems like no big deal but I have years of physical and mental abuse from my dad so it doesnt take much for him to trigger me"
We had lunch once I had calmed down, then I had to wait til 2pm so bid on some rockery stones online and I won them. I then went to bed for almost 2 hours. I was so drained, I had cried a little bit whilst falling asleep. I get annoyed at myself for letting him get to me.
Once I was up I had a cup of tea with my boys, I went outside to water the garden, then did the dinner and now just doing my diary and I will do some art
the key is stuck in the ignition again, it was stuck when I got home from dad's yard, but I was so done at this point I just walked into the house. I can not face seeing my dad and asking for help as Jack has tried to free it but its not happening, I have text my brother to see where he is and if he will maybe come fix it. If not it can stay like that, I dont care. Dad fixed one problem on it today and I feel it has another.
Today has been hard....
Yes Jo has daddy issues
tomorrow
ahhhh tomorrow I have another hard day ahead. Jack is going food shopping for the BBQ in the morning then his family is coming over around midday for a BBQ, so I will be entertaining for hours. It is gonna be hard and draining but I will get through it.
ahhhh I have had enough
