I've been awake since 5am
I am shattered!!!
Sick of this crap
I went for a run at 7:15am
how i have the discipline to keep going for runs at the crack of dawn
i'll never know
I got back and showered
the run was a hard ask
when I get home I've been taking my medication then
and when I came in I just looked at it with utter loathing
hate it
what goods it doing?
I took it, day 6 I believe or is it a week now? i'll have to count
I got into my room and changed my bed
then I had a big clean of my room as I knew I needed to tackle it
id done everything by like 10:30am
adam hadn't even woke up!
My brother left for greece around 11am
well mum took him to his friends how who hes going with
and he called us just now at 7:30pm to say he's got to his hotel and he's tired
glad hes got there and he's safe
been thinking about him
im ok without him at the moment as sometimes i dont see him all day
but i know come day two or day three i will start to miss him
i cant imagine living apart from him
im quite attached to my brother
so i know im gonna find this week hard
especially the way i am at the moment
I went and applied to two summer jobs cus thought its worth a shot
and then i had lunch with mum, i couldnt eat all mine
when id finished, my Kimono came in the post!! so fast!
i havent tried it on yet, it needed a serious iron which mum has kindly done for me
then after the excitement i went to adams
we sat talking with his dad
then went to play Crash, i wasnt feeling it but i felt al over the place today
couldnt control my thoughts at all, zero control what so ever
after a few attempts of us dying we gave in
then he came cuddled me
he then said if i wanted to go for cake or ice cream
i turned down both but said he could if he wanted to
i felt like throwing up and i couldnt be doing with the mental aftermath for something i wasnt going to fully enjoy so we just went round a few shops
he ended up buying me a house plant
i told him not to as i didnt need another one as i have the rose one from last time
god knows how its still living!
then we went back to his house and eventually i reluctantly went home
i ate my left over lunch and my dinner
and since ive had awful stomach pains
sick of this crap
if i was normal and mentally well i wouldnt need any medication
ive decided id like to have ago painting these 4 small canvases i have
so i might start that tomorrow maybe
tomorrow adam said he'll come see me after work
so at least i have company as i'll be home alone
My nails this week
I had another episode today
thats 2 in one week and i havent had any in ages
i start medication and bam 2 in one week
i have little control over my thoughts and over other things it would seem
