Been awake since 5:30am
I did try to go back to sleep as I knew I wasnt going for a run
but at 7am my dad broke a glass out the dishwasher and I couldnt
even think of sleeping after that as all I could think about in bed was
"was that my rabbit china mug?"
not "has he cut himself" far from it XD
In the morning I waited round til 9:15am for the house to be free
then I danced for 45 mins til I was well and truly sweaty and exhausted
I had to peel the clothes off me for a shower XD
After my shower I started an massive application form for 1 job
its soul destroying isnt it that you apply to all these jobs and you spend all those hours
doing the forms and looking for jobs
to hear absolutely nothing
i couldnt be bothered to do any more on it
besides my medication had kicked in and i couldnt think for squat
mum made me lunch just as adam came over
i didnt want it if im honest but i tried and ate half but left the rest
just felt like being sick, like as soon as i go to bite i get loads of
saliva in my mouth its horrid
we went out to a town
i had a brew in a cafe whereas adam had something to eat
i didnt want anything
we went round charity shops, i felt so unclean for some reason being round them
i couldnt wait to leave them, this time of year they do honk tho
i picked up brand new stretchy velvet leggings for £4
perfect for the winter i was well happy
then I picked up this eye shadow set for £1.99
No7! for £1.99! had to be had cus this set would probably cost me at least £10 more in shops
so I thought id have ago as I have never tried green before or No7
mum was impressed and wants to try them
We went back to adams house
sat with his dad a bit then went upstairs we didnt do much but i was happy to have his company then about 4:30pm the thoughts kicked in over drive, like trying to hold up a dam but being completely washed away. I had thoughts about hurting adam, what food ive eaten, how dirty i was, the clothes sticking to me. I needed to wash I needed out of my clothes, i needed a clear mind
so at 5pm I said I would go home
I came home and said to mum i just needed leaving to my own devices for a while
so i had a shower and got my pajamas on and i did feel semi better
i ate all my dinner too so i think im doing better
tomorrow i think im seeing mia at some point
might start some painting or finish that damn form
might go for a run in the morning
everything is uncertain and just see how i feel tomorrow
I almost had another episode today, caught myself just in time
3 times in one week
im on day 9 of my medication
