Evening
Didn't sleep well again
got up for a hot chocolate
this is going on for a long time now but apparently depression
can cause insomnia
mum woke me this morning at 8am as id asked her to cus i had
karen's to go to at 9:30am
and mum vented at me there and then
honestly we both shed a few tears
shes frustrated and hates seeing me like this
saying i dont help myself i put too much on myself
she said she doesnt understand where CBT is going
she sometimes thinks about just how mental i am and that shes got no one
to talk to about it all not even dad so she feels caged with all these emotions
i felt terrible..
she said that going to massage would be putting myself through
more punishment and not to go as my back is still very bruised and painful
so I told karen i wouldnt be coming.
Mum also told me she'd like me to rest today
effectively grounding me really she told me to stay home
so thats what I did
I texted adam to say i wasnt coming out today by order of mum
I got up for breakfast and the girls
then I went to bed til lunch time
had some lunch and stayed up a bit, went on my laptop to draw
then went to bed for another hour
got up and got dressed and ready for yoga which was good :)
felt good to do something
i missed not seeing adam today tho
but i needed the rest i really did but i always put my needs after everyone else's and
i just keep going and going
i need to learn to stop and chill out and to take breaks
I had researched during the day insomnia
I took the online NHS test and it did say I had insomnia (apparently)
it said 1/3 of us will suffer from it at some point in our lives
I read what can be done to help
so Im gonna make a few changes
1. always have some form of hot drink before bed
2. no kindle, phone, laptop 1 hour before bed
3. no dancing 2 hours before bed
4. make sure my room is warm and comfortable
gonna go with that tonight
but i doubt it will make much odds as i never sleep well on a yoga night
just not enough time to wind down
tomorrow my parents are going to derbyshire for the weekend
so i will be in charge of pets
at least i can get on with whatever tomorrow
