Evening
So yesterday I woke up late at 8:30am as I couldnt sleep
when I woke up my mum asked me if I could ring Jack and ask if dad could come over as he was keen to fix our toilet issue. So i did that and woke jack up ><
I went over to go and paint the freezer room to find that Jack was unhappy about my dad taking a blow torch to the wall at 8:45am to try dry some of the thicker plaster I had put on the wall the day before. I found jack hadnt prepped the room, there was still stuff in here, cob webs everywhere, dust sheets not down. All stuff he could have done the night before as he hadnt had to cook or anything
I started sanding down the plaster whilst dad busied himself with the toilet. I finished sanding the room, painted the ceiling, the whole time jack spent scrubbing a bit of mould off the wall he discovered he had missed....honestly he just takes so long to do anything. I had been here 2 hours and already achieved so much more than him. He was also being a total dick. He was being so grouchy and horrible, really not like him at all. I asked him if there was a reason he was being a dick and he just gave me flippant remarks which again is not like him. we dont have that sort of relationship
I then said "jack do you have a driving lesson today?"
he said "no i dont think so"
i said "oh cus your teacher is outside"
he looked out..."oh shit I do have a lesson!!!"
so he quickly got changed out of his painting clothes and ran out the door.
so I was left with mess and painting
i rang my mum and told her what had gone off. I tried to drink a brew but i was too wound up to drink it. Mum said to come home, leave it, and get some rest and lunch
i tried to eat some lunch but struggled and felt poorly to be honest. I had made myself physically and mentally poorly.
I didnt bother to contact jack. not after all that. being a dick and not even knowing when he had a driving lesson and I also told him id be over in the morning and i woke him up at 8:30am, what time was he planning on getting up?
me and mum went for a walk by the river to chill me out a bit, and i sat with Oz. I made a brew and jack txted me "we need to talk later"
i felt sick. like i had done something really wrong. I couldnt drink my drink
mum noticed my demeanour change and asked what was wrong and i told her
and she said "you havent done anything wrong, he probably just wants stuff right between you both but i do wonder if he is making you sick sometimes"
so i was a bit tearful as i couldnt handle it all. and went over to talk to him, crying all the way over to the bungalow. I went to the kitchen to find him putting pots away he saw me crying and we went to go talk stuff out.
we both just full on sobbed
no arguing
no shouting
just crying
i have seen jack cry twice since i have known him. but i have never seen him full on cry to the point were he can barely speak. It was awful seeing him that upset.
we basically work very differently and think very differently
i want the quickest easiest way as i am constantly short on energy, jack likes to think about things and maybe even put stuff off til he is certain he knows the best way to do it so the job is done right and not quick and easy. we have been battling each other without knowing really. but its because he doesnt talk to me, hes let stuff bottle up again and he bursts into tears cus he hasnt been communicating with me. he says i bulldoze through things, but i say its cus it looks like hes putting off doing jobs, i dont know its cus hes still thinking about them. I take it into my own hands and get on with it, and he doesnt like the way i do things. yeah we had it out. we need to talk more and i think we are at a point were we can slow down with the house. I have worked myself til i am corpse and off work, jack has worked himself to tears and he has had enough he is tired
we have been helped by my family so so much but also pushed by them. We wouldnt have done half as much if they hadnt pushed for it. Cus they wanted jack in the bungalow, then they want it right for me. and yeah its a lot. but we are grateful. but the help has come all from my family. all these friends and relatives of jack's that were keen to help, no one has actually come forward to help. his mum and step dad helped wallpaper and brought his stuff over that was it. thats all the help he has had.
but we are getting there
the freezer room never got painted
we'd like it painted before friday when it arrives but i have told jack i have gone beyond caring now. I dont care. its not worth it. not if our relationship is now suffering as we havent done anything together for such a long time now.
i wasnt going to stay over last night with the way i was feeling, but i decided to come have dinner with my family with jack, stay over and then leave him alone all week. He told me not to stay away but yeah i am, i am giving him a break from me and house stuff.
we got back to the bungalow, i was beyond a corpse
we watched 2 episodes of inuyasha on the tv for the first time
then went to bed i was just done. we did feel better for clearing the air, think it just built up and up. jack seemed ok but i was god i just looked awful
this morning we got up at 8:30am
we both felt better after getting it off our chests and sleeping on it.
i cut his hair for him, we had showers, did the pots, had breakfast all that stuff
went to the shops for 2 hours -_____- jo was dead
he kept asking me if i was ok but i just wanted to get it done
so we got the food shop done then got a few bits from other shops
came home and had a cup of tea and a tea cake, we have decided to invest in a toaster, so we will look out for one!
I went to bed as I could barely keep my eyes open and my body throbbed
jack made his soup whilst I was asleep and then he woke me up as my brother was on the phone
he wanted to know if he could come over to look at the TV as we cant get aerial signal
I started putting up our pink christmas tree X3 there might be more to add to it when i get my family's decorations out
then my brother came over to do the TV
so we supported him with that but he didnt have any luck, the way our house is wired up is just weird i have no idea who did it. then he sat with me and jack and talked
when he left, jack hoovered up and i wrapped 2 presents for him to take into school tomorrow
we tidied up the kitchen and moved stuff around
then made dinner then when we talked after dinner jack said he will try paint the freezer room after school and i said "but i thought we were gonna have this week off house stuff? i dont want you to be stressed and upset again cus youre tired of it all"
he said he would try and it would be ok, i offered to do it but he said he doesnt want me doing it :/
i feel so frustrated and not being able to do what i want to do.
missing out with everything
everyone at work gets christmas dinner on friday and i miss that! ><
i came home as jack was gonna go game with his friends
so i came and saw my Ozwald
packed my stuff away, doing my dairy and now gonna sit with Oz and again then go to bed.
I have got to stay home and rest now :/
its gonna suck but yeah i will have to get on with it i guess
jack will see me after school
here is our living room as i finally get round to taking some photos
