Evening
So yesterday we did in fact go into the city centre
we got up and set off for 9am in hoping it would be quieter that time of day
I did feel ok, getting on a bus for the first time in over a year was ok too
but actually getting into the city its self was just overwhelming to say the least
My anxiety just rocketed, I could barely breathe, Jack supported me all the way
I was determined to do this
luckily everywhere was dead to be honest. I was surprised at how quiet it all was
we did a lot of shops, at 10:30 we stopped for a tea and shared a cake, I wasnt going to have any of it but I was shaking from being drained from anxiety. Needed to up my sugars otherwise I think I might have fainted. I also used my inhaler. It was a well needed pit stop
We continued shopping and it was Jack that mainly brought cus I literally got some cheap brushes and paint! Jack got clothes, a 20 sided dice lamp (its so cool it changes colour), anime, shoes, snacks
he did really well but I buy offline and he doesnt, so I get my stuff throughout the year and he just hasnt spent any money in like a year XD
we caught the bus home at midday, yes we were like ninjas, in and out. It was starting to get busier. I had had enough, Jesus I was like a corpse. Anxiety is shattering. If it had been busy when we had arrived I would have turned back for home, I am glad it wasnt too bad.
I was shocked at what the high street looks like in Nottingham tho!! D:
its been destroyed by corona. Id say its 90% food stores. Not even joking
so many stores had gone, they are bordered up or replaced with food.
so much food.....we wont starve thats for bloody sure!!
Where I get my bras from is gone TT^TT
its changed everywhere thats for sure. We didnt do one end of the city as I was struggling to walk much further but the bus drove through it and I could just see FOOD every sodding where. Quite depressing. Im guessing people online shop these days but its not for everyone and also some things are nice to actually try on you know?
we got home and I had lunch then went straight to bed
I went to bed twice in the afternoon. I was like a corpse.
we were to go over to Harveys in the evening for takeaway so I needed to rest and gain energy but did feel like a waste of life
we had a bath then went over to Harveys
the guys ordered Pizza, I took leftovers over
dessert came and I ate so much I did so well, we ordered my brother a waffle as payment for doing such a good job on my car.
I think Jack could see I had had enough and at 9pm we set off for home. We had had a good time and it was nice to see everyone. Jack had leftover pizza for breakfast so he was happy XD
we dropped off my brothers waffle and he was VERY happy to receive it XD
we got home and had Oz in to watch Inuyasha
I was tired but couldnt sleep
too many thoughts about food. Making me wonder was any of it bloody worth it!? I do need to keep eating treat food otherwise it will win but when it keeps you up til 2am you have to wonder if it is worth it you know? It wasnt just the thoughts that kept me awake tho it was Jack as well. Crushing me in his sleep and tossing and turning which pulls on the duvet. I got up in the end as it was doing my head in. At one point he got up for a drink and I stood there thinking "if he acknowledges me we will get up together as he did say to wake him if I cant sleep" he saw me and said "alright?" and climbed into bed and fell asleep straight away.......what!? how is that possible? its like he was sleep walking. I asked him about it this morning and he has no memory of it XD
I went and did some photoshop work and came to bed at 2am and woke up at 9:30am
I had a massive blood blister bite thing in my mouth where I have bit my mouth in my sleep but its huge like how that didnt wake me I have no idea. I can feel it each time I swallow and eat. its the size of 3 finger nails. never had one that big. surprised I was choking on blood in the night
Jack didnt dare wake me, for the best as it would have been the last thing he did, he waited to have his pizza with me and made me tea :3
I have been sluggish and tired all day tho, not a good day
i picked myself up this morning and sanded down my drawers in the garage and Jack helped. Oz thought it was great he was constantly there! very cute!
I went to bed after lunch and just was slug. We went for a walk and took the umbrella and the rain did come and my god did we get wet it was heavy rain! it woke me up tho and I kinda enjoyed it in a way. I came in and ran a bath to warm us up - this was 3pm
so by 4pm we were both in pyjamas X3
had an easy dinner of leftovers but still fell asleep after dinner. I hope I sleep tonight
Jack is gaming for 4 hours tonight. I am just here really - existing
I need to write to do lists each day, I need structure and goals as this isnt doing me any good and I am not seeing anything I get done. I keep writing my days off as having done nothing whereas I have actually done stuff even through my tiredness. I am so fed up of being tired
im tired of being tired
its frustrating as hell
tomorrow I am determined to start some painting!
