Evening~
Well I didnt sleep til 2am
just couldnt sleep and was achy so i dosed myself up well over dosed really
and made myself feel quite sick!
I woke up at 7:45am by 8:05am I was running up a big hill
i kid you not, Id only been awake 20 mins and i went for my morning run
talk about shock to the system but i got it done cus im just that motivated!
I got back for 8:30 so I made good time, showered, breakfast and then
straight out to psychology
psychology was at 9:30am
I wasnt looking forward to going
i was a bit anxious about this 'review' session we were gonna have
as i didnt feel ready to be discharged
and i told him my concerns about this and he said that we would have appointments
still but theyd be far apart and i can always return if i need to
so i felt reassured about that
i told him about my decision to live with 'my other half'' shall we say
the whole thing of taking anti-psychotics which made me by myself in my head
scared me and panicked me
when ive had a voice and a presence in my mind for over a decade to suddenly have it
gone wasnt nice and wasnt how i expected it to be
at the start of my psychology sessions i decided i wanted my other half gone, dead.
But ive changed my mind, ive seen the bigger picture and that this is a part of who i am.
I have accepted that i will have this other 'being' with me
and now i want to learn to live with it basically
i do not want to be at war with one another
i want to co-exist
so thats what i told the psychologist this morning
thats where im going with it
he was impressed with this acceptance and said its a massive step
there will be bumps in the road but i will continue to improve
since my 'acceptance' things have been more bearable in my head
almost like that aggression has gone as im not longer trying to get rid of her
i came home and mum made me a brew
she said i looked the happiest i think ive ever been after psychology
i told her it was because i dont have to go back til end of september XD
that was my 9th session
i did see a sign on his office wall about a group that meets up every 3rd wednesday of the month to talk about hearing voices and my condition Dissociative Identity Disorder was listed
i plan to ring up and get information about it, looked for it on google maps and it doesnt look like it exists which i found weird but we can see
I did some sewing and I got 2 more kimonos done
so thats 14 done 10 to go~
me and mum went to shops i just got a pair of tights nothing exciting
we did for mum to try and find her a swim suit but no luck
so we're gonna try next friday~
i came home and went on my laptop for a bit
but i soon get bored of laptop if im honest
i did upload my Yosakoi dancing! Its out there XD
so far ive had nice comments
still a little unsure whether to show my family and friends on facebook tho 0.0
daunting task that is!
even nervous about showing mum!
silly really as its only a dance, and whilst i know im not brilliant i know im not terrible XD
i sat and did over an hour of cross stitching
in the quiet tuning off from it all
my head was a mess and i was tempted to sleep but knew if i did that then i really wouldnt sleep tonight so i was disciplined and sat quietly
i was pleased with my effort
its hard for me to sit still for so long!
tonight i've got adam to pick up from work at 10:30pm
he says i dont have to but i will
he has to walk through a rough part of town otherwise and id only be worrying about him getting home without being stabbed or mugged not that he's helpless but hes not superman ether
so im gonna get it done
go to bed
then park run in the morning!
i highly highly doubt i will be beating last weeks awesome record of 27mins
i am NOT trying to beat it im simply turning up and enjoying it
well hope i enjoy it!
then probably sew or something rest of the day or do digital work that i havent touched today
