I took one too many sleeping tablets last night
didnt really help
fell asleep around 12:30 so i guess it was a bit better
but i had been in bed since 9:45pm
I did my nails last night~
quite impressed at the neatness~
I got up at 7:45am
i reluctantly went for a run
passed my dad running and he was in his van
i waved he waved but didnt smile or even look at me really
i wondered two things
1. did he realise it was his daughter?
2. if he did realise, does he really not like me or something? why not smile
he didnt look impressed with me
I came home and showered, had breakfast, and went into a town
i picked up fabric, facial scrub, face pack, new socks, cereal
not much but it was needed and luckily i didnt have to go all over like i first thought i only went into two shops :)
I came home at 11am and had my first brew of the day
sat with mum for a bit as she had just come home also and i chose to make the most of her company
after lunch i did 2 more kimonos
only have 4 more to go!!!
i also practised a bit of dancing
i did a yosakoi and beat generation and i do feel theres some improvement with beat generation it doesnt feel like a quick messy effort to get all the moves in how i first started out XD
at 3pm I went to psychiatrist
he says hes gonna look into applying for funding so i can see ether a specialist for dissosiative identity disorder or to see basically i higher psychiatrist
but considering other people are worse than me i may not 'qualify' so to speak
he hasnt made another appointment with me and i kinda felt like he washing his hands of me because theres nothing he personally can do as he's not that qualified in this area and i have refused medication.
i came home feeling a bit deflated with all
as im anxious as to what the next step is
i have a gut feeling that no help will be available to me
i will finish my sessions with the psychologist and that will be it
but i could be wrong
time will tell
i came home did some cross stitching and sat with Oz
had second shower of the day as i always feel dirty from that mental health buliding
smells like very cheap air freshener and no windows open
icky i felt i always do
i did see mum's friend who works there tho
she told me well done on my PB from saturday and that she''ll see me saturday down there
tonight i am seeing mia
looking forward to it
just hope we dont talk about my mental health too much
as im fed up of that topic for a while
tomorrow i believe Ed is coming over!
hopefully hopefully
fingers crossed
and we said we'd go ice skating
we shall see
