Pokemon Personalised Phone Case

Evening~~

I asked my self today - Why do I keep doing dance uploads? 
I'm not sure why I still do it
I guess it makes me do the dancing which is good exercise and good for my memory
but why do I bother to upload it? my videos arent popular but then I never wanted them to be
but why do I bother still? What do I get out of it?
Not sure what I do get out of it really
and when is the time to stop?
Heck Adam has no idea I upload my dances
am I embarrassed? Do I want him seeing them? Probably not
feels like a side of me I keep private yet I put myself online for all to see
strange girl I am

Anyway today
I have the internet!!! Woohoo!
My brother came back around 11pm last night
my parents picked him up and took him mcdonalds XD!!
Lucky boy
I saw him this morning, I didn't wait to stay up for him
He seems to have had a nice time anyway he showed me his photos while we ate our cereals which was nice really. Makes a change to have him chatty first thing in the morning XD
I went and cleaned out the pets, I put my Ipod in listening to C-ute which was different
Oz didnt pester too much

I got ready to go to adams house
I was quite looking forward to seeing him
I feel more myself today, im fragile dont get me wrong, but if I dont stop to focus on things to hard I can hopefully avoid falling into that pit of hollowness 
mum came back from her park run, shes done two personal bests for the last 2 weeks!
shes doing well to say its winter!
Then I left for adam's house

I arrived and talked with him and his parents 
they had been doing their park run in the snow this morning! snow! 
cant believe somewhere near here had snow already
I told them that dad was planning on buying me a Daihatsu Terrius 2005 in turquoise...
dad did show me and I laughed and said Id have ago in it
dad likes it as its rare. its rare for that make of car to be an auto-matic 
just like my car my Renault Megane is rare for being an auto-matic 
he likes cars that are hard to acquire
so I told them I could see me having that XD no Suzuki Swift for me! 
around 11:30am we went to get lunch as usual
but this week I got a turkey, sausage meat stuffing, apple sauce cob
oh my god it was AMAZING and the first time I have enjoyed food in a while
tasted like christmas actually 

We sat in his living room
and teased and tormented each other, he always takes his dad's side
hes supposed to take mine damn it! so I always lost the battle >.>
and even got kicked off the sofa! 
damn him 
I went and did his mum's nails after a  while 
Then at 3:30pm I left for home
Got my girlies in and Oz seeing as he was rattling his cage door with his paws...
he's only been locked up 2 hours! anyone would think he'd been locked up 2 weeks!
he was all happy and giddy to be in my room
I turned my laptop and went online to catch up basically

My family went out for drinks at the pub
I danced had a shower and my dinner
my family came back with pizza but I dont enjoy or digest greasy food well
so i always opt out
I have't done much tonight
last night I painted my nails and did that drawing
dont know what to draw next
might take my colouring book to adams tomorrow for something to do

Not sure what im doing tomorrow
we wont be going to AvailableCar seeing as dad actually won the auction on the Daihatsu
its in Doncaster tho and I dont want to go fetch it, doesnt even run -____-
yep my 'new' car is a non-runner XD I never get anything fancy
£200 something pound he got it for -____-; 
So Im not sure what to do tomorrow
I dont want to go round any shops that is for bloody sure! everywhere is chaos 
stupid christmas 
see what adam wants to do
his family have invited me over for dinner
their sunday evenings are never quiet anymore XD

Speaking of adam his phone case came in the post the one I got done for him
here it is

the quality is really good and its the same transparent colour he already has
but ive just done a design on the back 
he should like it I hope 
my brother and mum think its good anyway :)  

Doodles with base colours and the wireless

Konbanwa~~

Bloody internet is all I can say

wait no I take that back, bloody wireless >___>

I was half was through a conversation on Wednesday online and

dead

internet just died. Which in turn made the wireless unhappy

The internet came on a few hours later but none of us can suss the wireless out, this is because my brother was not home to sort it out. How I miss his technical intelligence!!!!

I have been internet-less since wednesday afternoon

been a royal pain

So Wednesday

there wasn't much left of me Wednesday

I was bad mentally

I felt like a shell I felt hollow

my emotions felt dulled, I could hardly taste food. It was like I had taken a back seat in my brain or something. I didn't want to talk or do anything.

Adam INSISTED on seeing me. Truthfully I couldnt be doing with the socialising and I didnt want him seeing me like this.

But he came none the less

I made us lunch I struggled to eat

He gave me plenty of affection to try cheer me up but it honestly felt like I wasnt there. I couldnt feel anything. I kissed him and felt nothing. Its a lil scary but even when I thought how scary it was my mind immediately 'dont dwell on this you'll make yourself upset and therefore more pain' so I just let the thought pass. I had no idea depression was capable of doing such things.

I took adam to his physio session at 3pm I told him I wouldnt be waiting for him and that id be going home after I dropped him off. I was tired and couldnt be bothered with life in general.

We had yoga and we had a different teacher she was alright my teacher Karen was sick the lady said.

That evening I couldnt face going to bed. I txted adam telling him how I felt and that I couldnt tell him to his face today cus to tallk about it would upset me and my face is already sore from crying so much this week. I was dreading my night. I dont think - mentally - I could hack another night being downstairs, alone, left with my thoughts. I think its really done a number on me this week and I couldnt bare to see the after math of another night.

He wished I was at his house but I told him I wouldnt want to wake him even if we were having a sleep over.

I fell asleep and woke up every 2 hours like I have been doing. something about waking every 2 hours I do not understand.

But I did not get up in the night. each time I woke I was able to eventually get off to sleep.

Yesterday

I had acupuncture as mum and adam made me txt Nigel yesterday and he managed to fit me in this morning at 9am...

great -_____-

I have been avoiding going all week cus I felt like I couldnt handle having needles but mum said I needed to go

I told him he has his work cut out and that id try and behave.

I told him about not sleeping, thoughts, hot and cold sweats, constant headaches, constant tiredness, stomach ache after eating.

dont think the poor guy knew where to start XD

we talked about books and stuff as I gave him his book back it was the hardest book I have ever read. 400 pages and a crappy ending..

I managed to cope with 12 needles and after wards he massaged the middle of my feet which bloody hurt I tell you. He told me to roll the point on a golf ball and that would help. So I've fished one out of the garage today XD

I came home and had breakfast cus I couldnt face it earlier.

I hoovered and polished the interior of my car as it was dusty and lots of bits in the floor well.

Needs a wash as well but the roads are so filthy from the weather thats theres just no point.

I did a bit of colouring in, in the adults colouring book I have and have never started! Colouring is something I dont ever do unless its digitally of course. So if felt foreign.

We had lunch and went for a short walk but it was cold so Im glad it was only short! I came back and had a brew with my girls - determined to stay awake and not sleep through the day like I have been doing.

Then I decided to draw a picture

I wanted to have ago to see what just base colours would look like and with a change of outline colour. Originally I wasn't going to do any art work, as I was in the mind set of 'it will be crap' 'meaningless' 'whats the point' 'waste of my time' etc.

but then I remember nigel telling me its important to practice and through crap pieces of work a good piece will immerge. So I decided to have ago doing it. This is what happened. If I get the internet later I will put it up on adam's facebook for him. Might make him feel better about me after the awful mood I was in yesterday >m<

Tomorrow I am going to adam's as usual

I could easily talk myself out of having lunch with him simply because of how ive been with food lately but Im telling myself to get a grip. to get on with it. Besides I really want to do his mum's nails I have a good design in mind :D I need to do my nails actually /:

maybe I should doodle a design tonight :)

I have felt more myself today than I have the rest of the week

don't look myself tho as mum dyed my hair red for me today X3