I slept okish it was nice to be reunited with mu own bed
and my own space, never quite used to sharing a bed
I woke up at 8:15am
I had breakfast but felt exhausted
I tried doing half hour of dancing just practising a few I want to learn
learning i think 5 at the moment! But I like variation
mum came home and I went for a shower then sat with her
I ate lunch and went to bed feeling tired and achy from my weekend
I had just started to feel like I was about to drop off and what happens
the bloody door bell goes >.>
I got up as I was home alone
and I couldnt even slag anyone off because it was a parcel for me!!!
I couldnt get off back to sleep so I googled kawaii dungarees
for some inspiration on what to do with the dungarees mia had given to me
I came up with a design eventually and started sorting materials out and such
I made myself dinner with was tomato tuna pasta
couldnt be bothered to cook much
went into my room to tidy up and go on my laptop
mum was going out and couldnt find her car keys
she shouted me to look in her room so i did and i found them
my brother was at the bottom on the stairs with mum and was just about
to say "dont throw them" but they had already left my hand and as soon as i did it
i knew i shouldnt have but it was stupid mistake we all make
none of us are perfect
but my brother lectured me and dad was in the other room calling me stupid and such
you know the usual rude remarks he says to me
i was tempted to go take it up with him but chose to take it out on my brother instead
- the safer option and less aggressive
dad is so rude tho i have no idea why he hates me the way he does and it is hate i can feel it theres no love or warmth there. he never talks to me unless its something involving him, my car or my work. i sometimes try strike up a conversation with him but it never goes anywhere because he doesnt want to talk to me i think he sees me as a waste of his time or something. So when he isnt talking to me or ignoring my existence completely hes being rude to me
and it is 99% of the time unnecessary and very hurtful
mum says shes doesnt know why he is the way he is but he needs help
seriously he needs help as over the years he pushes me further and further away
and its a strain on mum because shes the 'go between' literally conversations that have to happen between me and my dad are gone through mum as i dont want to talk him as hes rude and uninterested in anything i have to say and i fear him being horrible to me and he doesnt talk to me because i dont know i cant work him out
people say to me "he does love you" "he shows his love in different ways"
no he doesnt
he really doesnt
hes soulless and i think he always will be
anyway enough ranting about the home life i live with
i drew out a nail idea i want to do before i go away next week
as this time next week im in Matlock with adam :D
this is this week's nails
Tomorrow I am seeing Karen at 9am so I gotta get up and out
I will come back shower, maybe start my dungarees and maybe see adam
see what the day brings
