Evening
So yesterday I went to school and stuff and it wasnt even a hard day, yet I still found it incredibly tiring and was just exhausted. Once again I cried at work -____-
Jack drove me to and from work again which is just as mentally draining as actually driving
we got home and I made us a brew and we sat with oz, mum was having her hair done.
When she came home I sat with her for 10mins we said that I should maybe ring the doctors and take the rest of the week off. Which I found so unfair but also realistic. then I left for the bungalow
We got to the bungalow and made dinner which was omelette and beans and chips, it took ages in my opinion, but at least we found the oven works. After dinner I sobbed my eyes out
I told Jack everything. I even told him of the awful thoughts I had been having
the world would be better with out me
taking a load of medication at once
cutting the tops of my thighs
he was a bit upset and felt he hadnt been paying me enough attention, that he didnt realise how bad things had gotten. That hes not good enough to look after me. He didnt make it about him or anything it was just how he was feeling. I admitted then that I do have a problem, that I am unwell....
its very hard to admit that youre unwell and in need of help
he said "you cant keep going and pretending youre ok. It must be exhausting putting on a brave face for everyone"
even my dad didnt know how poorly i was as he said "she must be really good at hiding how she really feels, as I had no idea"
i have had YEARS of experience, of hiding how crap I feel, pretending to be 'normal'
we watched inuyasha in bed and went to sleep
Chris picked Jack up for school in the morning and I got in my car to come home
whilst driving my passenger front wheel was clunking so i got out to see if i had a flat tire, which i didnt. seeing as home was a 2 min drive i continued on. I got home and told my dad. He said "sounds like you hit something?" I said "i dont think we've hit anything, however jack hasnt been avoiding pot holes as hes too busy paying attention to everything else and hes been taking them at speed as he just doesnt notice them"
so he took my car to work to have a look over it.
I had a shower and a sit with my girls and rang the doctors, who said I could have a telephone appointment with my GP later in the day
i then went to bed for 3 hours....
when I got up I had lunch and me and mum went for a walk
I haven't done a whole lot since then to be honest, as I have had things to catch up with that i havent had time or energy for like emailing my friends and cousin.
I had my phone call with my GP he told me to rest and if I do not seem to be improving or think i need to come see him then do so. He doesnt want to tamper with my meds if we can help it which i agreed with. He signed me off sick til the rest of this term. So I do not need to go in til 4th January
that should be enough time to recover thats practically a month then
I saw my dad, he had repaired my car. The shock had gone on the front passenger wheel - which i suspected. He said "definitely taking pot holes at speed"
took him 2 hours to repair it, and the part cost £35
Jack came to see me after school, I showed him the shock from my car as dad brought it home
i said "what do you think this is?"
he said "some sort of spring?"
I said "this is what you broke on my car Jack" he looked panicked
i said "£400 this Jack! £400!!" he paled
"right ok, sorry I will transfer you the money"
i hugged him and said "wasn't £400, but it was caused by taking pot holes at speed"
he was very sorry
only driven my car 3 days!!! jesus. wasnt even like the shock was rusty and weak, it was a clean break!
he stayed for a cup of tea and caught me up with what I miss at school and I passed him my doctors note, which he will take in to school for me.
He went home then i looked online, I know he told me not to but hey I wanted to try. I managed to find a bathroom mirror and its got 101 dalmations in the bath on it! I dont care if its childish I thought it was bathroom related and quirky. I also relented and brought a christmas tree, I havent told Jack tho. Brought a pink ombre one XD I have decorations just no tree
Now I am gonna sit with Oz, as even tho I havent done loads today I still feel shattered
tomorrow me and mummy are going round a couple of home stores as there is a few bits i would like.
