I slept like crap as usual
but not as usual was the fact that adam hadn't txted me all evening
every night i send him a txt just saying when im off to bed just so he's
not waiting for a reply cus i obviously go to bed way before him
and he ether sends a reply immediately or i find ive got a txt from him when i wake during the night (my phone is on silent dont worry)
but last night i woke up at 12:30am and no txt
which i took as odd
then the insecurities start
i had to check the last message id sent to him cus i instantly thought "oh crap ive said something bad"
but I hadnt
i couldnt breathe and i was aching
mum popped her head round the door "you ok? i can hear you blowing your nose none stop"
i replied with "yeah im fine, just cant breathe sorry for the noise"
what i wanted to say was "just leave me to die, another night of not sleeping"
in the end i got up cus i felt sick and i wanted a drink and pain killers
it was 1:40am when i returned to bed
by 1:50am adam had txt saying his phone hadnt had signal all night
thats never happened before
in the morning i woke up at 9am
mum had set off work and come back home she didnt feel well whilst driving
she said she wasnt feeling good yesterday
i txted adam but hadnt heard from him. again
so i continued my morning as usual but kept him posted
still no reply til 12:30pm when he said all 4 of my txts have just come through
stupid phones
i ended up going over to his at 2:30pm cus i was busy
busy with sewing!
I got the boy blanket patchwork bit complete :)
and ive been asked to do a similar one for a girl now
so i got started and cut all 63 squares out
they will both look good when theyre done
and im going to have them link in with one another
as the babies theyre for are cousins :)
i went to adam's and sat with him and his dad
both winding me up
then we played pokemon in his room under covers cus i was cold
then he cuddled me
i was struggling mentally just like i had been during the night
but it was just increasingly getting worse
i just wanted to cry it was too much just too confusing too many thoughts
i decided to leave before i made a spectical of myself
it was hard driving home just cus my head was a mess
im struggling now
just the sheer amount of aggression
tomorrow it will be the 2nd anniversary of granny's death
a day i promised to keep mum company as its a sensitive issue for her
so we're popping into the city centre
hopefully get some sewing done too
