It took me a while to sleep as I was aching
then I woke up at 4am aching
i turned over and literally my entire spine cracked it was awful
and didnt provide any relief to my pain ether
i laid there til 5:30am and thats when I decided Id had enough
id get up and have pain killers
at 5:45am I went for a walk round the neighbourhood for 45 mins
only encountered 1 person it was so dead! good tho
I came in and did 30 mins of yoga
anything to relieve my aches
by 7:45am I decided Id go back to bed as I didnt fancy starting my day
at 4 in the morning
i fell asleep and woke up at 10am
just when i woke up adam texted "what do you want to do today?"
i just groaned and told him id only just woke up due to a rough night
and that to please him self
never did i say that i was seeing him
i did some dancing at 11am then had a shower
id done almost 2 hour of exercise before lunch time!
adam kept asking and suggesting places but i just could not face going up to see him
its not him entirely its just the whole thing
if youve ever watched ''The Truman Show' you'd understand
as literally the same thing happens each and every week even the conversation
is similar!! its so boring
so i felt like this and felt i didnt want to be touched in any shape or form from him
i wasnt in the mood to play happy families up at his house
or be the sodding entertainer
so i told him i wasnt coming out i was staying home today
i read on my bed a bit
i just wanted quiet but i was a lil bored
i ached and was tired and short on energy
i danced then went back to read again
the door bell goes
adam has walked over in this heat to see me
and i was happy he'd done that but i also hoped the afternoon
wasnt gonna be painfully dragged out and dull
we sat and talked all afternoon
we talked about france too as two weeks today i will be in france!
i told him my worries basically and talked about other bits
he wanted my affection but i wasnt feeling it
like didnt feel much of anything lately
apart from pain
he said to me "youve been hard work past few weeks"
i said "thanks"
at first he wouldnt justify why i was being hard work but i got it out of him eventually
apparently its because ive been moody, not wanted to see him, not wanted to go over or leave the house.
i couldnt argue cus its true and i know i have been hard work
which is why i ask him "why are you still bothering with me?"
and i get "its because i love you"
i said "all I am to you is a habit you cant kick, youd only be stuck at home if you hadnt have come here"
he didnt look that impressed at that
i said "what if it doesnt get better? what if im always hard work from now on?"
he said "id still be with you"
theres just no getting rid of this guy huh
i walk all over him XD which i like to remind him of regularly
as much as i wouldnt want him to give up on me im not sure how bothered id be if my relationship failed as i cant see myself being with him in the future anyway
ive told him numerous time that im not marrying and i couldnt live with him
yeah im jerk i know i am i say stuff with no filter or regard to their feelings
i dropped adam off home as i wasnt that heartless to make him walk again
not that i asked him to come over
not sure what to do tonight
tomorrow i have got karen at 9am
looking forward to any help with my pain
its my pain illness thats having a flare up, stupid Fibromylgia
i cant wait for it to pass
hope i sleep tonight
as for the rest of tomorrow not 100% sure
the birthday card i made for tara~
