Last night I slept the best I have slept in a very long time
I woke up at midnight as per usual
then I woke up once more just to turn into a new position then that was it
next thing i knew mum and pinks were waking me at 8:50am!!
couldnt believe how well id slept
granted I hadnt slept through the entire night but hey its a start
im hoping im finally getting some normality to my sleep pattern
I got up and did a bit of tidying up for mum and hoovering
and of course i saw to my pets
Oz has been very quiet today and tired if im honest
bless him
I did some drawing before Adam came over from work
I made us lunch
then we had a brew and went for a walk as it was a lovely day
it felt good to be outside
we came back and had a brew outside on the grass with Oz
came in and played on pokemon
then I took us to my room cus i needed a quick sleep
so i slept next to adam on my single bed for 40mins whilst
he played on pokemon
got up and sat with Oz on the sofa
then we dropped adam off and went to yoga
yoga was good we were holding positions which is quite tricky sometimes
but i managed it both me and mum felt a bit stiff doing it all
i didnt want food tonight but mum made me some
i hate food currently
want to starve myself i hate my figure
i want to lose weight
i cant look at my body in the mirror i even hate looking down at it in the shower
full of self hate these last few weeks
if it wasnt for the fact that im monitored by adam and mum i would get away with skipping
quite a few meals >.>
Tomorrow I should be going to the city centre with mum
we were suppose to go last week but i was shattered
but we will go tomorrow we will!
she wants stuff but i cant say i need anything
I feel like im cracking slowly and soon im gonna have a little cry
ether to myself or embarrassingly in front of someone
just holding it together
i SHOULD have work next week but just thinking about it fills me
with anxiety and turns my stomach in a knot
why cant i handle life normally?
