Konbanwa~~
Yesterday I could not face writing up about my day, so here I am today!
Yesterday I got through school, it was such an achievement as on Monday I was in the prep room crying as I could not see how I was going to get through the week. But I did it
I managed my practicals and managed to clear everything away so stuff wouldnt be there to greet me when I return 7th June.
We got home without Oz which was very odd. We were gonna sit out and have a brew but didnt as Oz wasn't home and its comfy inside. I did a quick work out then did us some dinner
after dinner Jack went upstairs on his PC to play D&D and I left to go see my family
I sat out in the garden with mum and my brother, talking and watching the pigs, Oz was so happy to see me it was very very sweet, he was so giddy. That made my evening just seeing him so happy to see me. I am needed in life :)
Me and mum set off the for doctors. I did not want to go. Luckily we were not waiting long - which makes a change I will say!
Inside the doctors room, I felt defeated. i had had enough. 3rd time I have been doctors this month. Its just showing that things just are not right. Which makes me feel quite crap to be honest
I cried through pure frustration as I felt he was not helping. This was when my mother stepped in
she knows that for any help in this country you have to fight for it. Thats not how it should be but it is how it is. That's not just my GP ether its 99.9% of british health service. Mum has been fighting along side me for 10 years now. She knows the game
she said that I needed a plan of action that I am not stable and can not be left like this
so here's what I got out of it
I need to give a urine sample - I can't remember what thats being tested for
I need to give a stool sample - to be tested for a particular protein
I need to give a blood sample - yes another blood test!! some are repeated tests as they came back positive 2 weeks ago but he said in the past they have come back negative so he wants to retest them. He is also testing me for rarer things and Lupus
He said he doesnt want anything to come back positive as he said its not going to be good.
He has referred me to my psychiatrist I saw 2 years ago. I am not happy about this but I did not argue it. I think we all can see i need some form of help
he would not give me any more medication and said to take my meds after I have died on the toilet as I wont be absorbing them properly.
We left there and picked Oz up and mum dropped me off home. Jack was gaming, I went and had a bath then I sat with Oz. I stayed up til 10pm looking at clothes online. Jack finished up gaming just after 10pm and came to ask how I got on, but at 10pm I did not want to talk about it
so instead we put Chobits in and watched that with hot chocolate! I can not believe how perverted Chobits is! Jack was amused and liked the anime >.> men
it was funny tho and I will continue with it
I had overdosed last night as i didnt want to lay there with my thoughts
I kept waking up in the night, sometimes cus jack was snoring and a couple of times because I was being squished by jack! >< he goes on side then rolls onto his back but rolls to far and I get squished! he ends up a bit on my side too T^T
this morning we got up and went to the post office and then we went range, and hobby craft. i picked up a few bits ^^ nothing massively exciting just restocking and things were reduced and I got some clay to make something for Jack - a chimecho clay chime!
On the way home we went for a walk round a park, we havent been for a while. It was quiet too. It was quite humid! I told Jack all about the doctors and he was as supportive as ever and sees things in a different light. Things I see so negatively he sees it a different way and its very helpful. He is taking me for my blood test on thursday :)
we got back and it was near enough lunch time. So we had lunch watching digimon then I went for a sleep as I was exhausted but pleased with how much I had achieved
I woke up and we sat outside with Oz but it was very hot so we came in and Oz hid in the garage as its cool. I cant believe how hot it was!
Dinner was good and I have since been on my laptop upstairs, bought a few clothes for work really and some chimes to take a part for Jack's present.
I have a bit of exercise to do, think its like 20mins long thats all I am doing then I will do some drawing possibly but got to see what time I end up with as its 8:40 now! here's how far I am with ninetails tho
Tomorrow
we are doing our weekly shop then for lunch we are going to meet in a park with harvey theo and brandon and have a picnic :D it should be good :) I just hope I am mentally ok for it.
