Evening
Im not sleeping
please someone tell me why i wake up in the night and when i do why am I thinking about school!? its doing my effing head in ive had enough im so damn tired
i didnt really want to go school today
my morning i was in the other class and I was outside to start with which
it was a bit chilly but not the worst we've had so i tried to not to complain there
then it was break time and then computers and lunch
all went pretty to be honest
lunch i did my usual of eating not speaking to anyone
then i did yoga for 20 mins
after lunch it was a bit dull
id had enough to be honest
the job is just relentless and not getting any enjoyment or satisfaction out of it
when i leave that job it will be like the best day ever
its just a true pee take and thankless
i hate it
and hate going
i hate the kids
i just hate it
then when all is said and done
i go on to hate myself
i get told by my head not to eat my lunch that im fat
im constantly told by my head how ugly and fat i am
i cant remember what happiness feels like i really cant
and i cant even think of anything that would truly make me feel happy right now
i came home and mum had made for the first time Nutella cookies
i wasnt gonna eat one but i could tell she wanted me to try one
so i did and i couldnt taste it i was so wound up
that lead to me hating myself and how much weight i would put on cus i gave in
and ate the cookie
ive got running club today
its mega windy out there but has stopped raining as its been raining
on and off today but that wind is strong i hope its not against me tonight
does not feel like a week since ive been tho so thats a lil scary
im so tired mentally and physically that im not sure how 5k is gonna get ran tonight
and its gonna make my muscles feel even more sore than they already do
god id kill for a hot steamy bath
but im hoping the run will make me feel better - mentally
i believe mum is coming and walking it
its a push for her with her bad foot but i know shes trying
and cus of the way i am tonight shes trying for me i know she is bless her
cus its nice having company even tho we dont actually do the 5k together
god im gonna be shattered if i dont sleep tonight
tomorrow just another crappy day at school really
got my groups to do which i dont get on a wednesday
at least i wasnt with nursery or 2 years old today
and i will have yoga after school too
right thats it
i could quite easily go into school tomorrow and tell them they can stick this job up their arse
