Evening~~
It's the last day of 2021!
I got off to sleep ok last night but woke up at 1am for a wee then slept til 8am and left Jack in bed he woke up at 9:30am
but jesus christ waking up, I felt like I had been in a car accident in the night
I hurt a lot from my massage -_______-
I worked on my jacket and mum came over at 11am for a cup of tea and brought Ozwald's birthday present too, it looks good. A tube made of willow I am sure he will like it. He gets it next friday when he turns 5! Mum said she will bake a cake ^^
I had lunch then did a bit more sewing but I was so tired and crippled, I reluctantly went to bed for an hour. When I got up I asked Jack if we could go for a short walk. I felt so exhausted doing our 40min walk. We came in and had a cup of tea
then I did some more sewing, the sleeve cuffs really challenged me >.> I was patient and got it done but it took far longer than it should have...
we did dinner, it was a different meal. it was left over chicken with scrambled egg in a wrap, then salad on the side. Yeah it was good. We also finished darker than black :) not sure what we are going on to next actually
Then I had a bath, but I could hear Oz thudding in the living room, Jack was trying to calm him down but its me he wants. So I got out and dressed and fussed him. I cut Jack's hair as well as he was a bit untidy to say the least.
Now just doing my diary on the living room floor with him
Not sure what we are doing tonight and how long I will keep Oz inside for.
we said we might play pokemon in bed til midnight and I might keep Oz in til 9ish
I shall see. Depends how tired I am and how the fire works are.
But anyway this is the last post of 2021!!
So this year....lets see.....
well first off my goals for this year which I set this time last year were
to keep working full time
to be able to look after myself in my home and working life
to get my craft room up and running and to do all my craft work from my own home
to keep up with my art and crafts and japanese - its important to find time for myself
to not get snowed under with life and put too much on myself
to put myself first, ask for help, not be hard on myself, and bloody look after myself more
So I am still working full time - however I did have practically all of the summer term off sick from work. I think I burned myself out. With work, the house, exercising, dieting. Looking back, I really wasnt kind to myself...
Look after myself in home and working life - I am still exercising each day and eating home cooked food. But once again I know I havent been totally able to look after myself I suppose. I do self destruct myself. I rely on Jack to help a lot with the house work. But I am trying. Its hard as this is the first full year of working AND living from the family home. Its A LOT
my craft room! its done really! its so much better than when we moved in. It feels like MY room and its so nice to be able to leave stuff out each day without having to pack it all away. I LOVE my craft room. I am still doing wall art but theres no rush with that and i might get some shelving but not sure yet. All my fabric is over and my sewing stuff so I can do my stuff from here now :) I have a lovely welsh dresser full of my paper crafts. The under the stairs cupboard is full of fabric. To be honest I am still learning where I have put everything...
keeping up with arts and craft, well I know I didnt do as much as what I did in 2020, as I have a house now and a full time job. Both require time and energy....T^T so my arts and crafts has suffered however I am still doing them. I didnt give them up! I still do Duolingo app on my phone each day and I was in the top 5% of the hardest workers on it this year ^^ I am also reading Japanese Kanji information posts on instagram. So I am still educating myself on Japanese
and as for putting too much on myself....well I know I have been too hard on myself. I expected a lot on myself in the summer months. I was losing weight and trying to do the house up and work and yeah it was a lot on me. I guess I wasnt asking for help. I burned myself out and ended up being no good to anyone. Jack had to go to work by himself. I was around the house in a coma like state just recovering. It wasnt fun and probably could have been prevented.
what happened this year?
well in the last month I have lost 3 people, they have sadly passed away. One being Karen who was very important to me, she did so much for me and helped me recover from my illness. She met me at 20 when I was at my worst and really helped me. The other was Lynn's husband den who was such a character and always treated me to food, and sewing things. He was very kind to me. And i could tell he loved Lynn who had been mistreated by men, I was happy she had someone like him in her life. Lastly was Brian, my mum walks with his wife and I used to run with him when I used to be in running club 3 years ago. Mum still walks with his wife each week and has supported her through his sudden illness, he was very gentle and kind.
we lost Molly mole, she was so lovely and raised Truffle and Tillie. Mum still misses molly and tillie has become a mini mole XD
My friends - most of them - have turned 30! we are entering our 30's the next decade of life. Some have got married, planning weddings, planning children. 30's looks like it will bring a lot of changes. And potentially change our friendship dynamic but I am not afraid I want to embrace the change. I know that children arent an option for me but I wish to support my friends who do choose to have children.
we did a lot of the house up, we had our bathroom ripped out start of January and finished end of January and I love our bathroom, I clean it every week without fail. We started on the garden and made a good dent in it, all to try make it more manageable for ourselves but we are yet to finish. We decorated every room tho. Id like the kitchen ripped out but its money....
I started my biology GCSE, which I find difficult but I would like to continue and see it through over the next few years
so what it is it I want for this year?
Well I know I want to get more of the garden done!!! Get to a point where its easy to manage
keep going with my biology GCSE, ask for help if I need it without worrying about looking stupid
I want to keep going with my exercises mainly my weights. I want to become stronger. I dont want to be muscly I am not into that look but I just want to be stronger and strengthen my joints.
too keep enjoying living with my Jack and love him to pieces as I do. I want our relationship to remain strong like it has done this year. We are certainly a lot stronger this year for living together.
I want to try and take better care of myself. I need to stop and rethink before i burn myself out. Its not fair to myself and does no one any favours if I become in such a state. So I think I need to be more honest with how I am actually feeling. Put myself first instead of work, instead of pleasing others, instead doing things in the day i THINK i should be doing. I do not need to live up to pressures I put on myself. No one put these pressures on me, so why should I do it to myself?
to try and take a few more photos of myself. I think I took about 2 or 3 of myself this year and even then they had to be taken on a good mental day. I have been hating the way I look. And why? why should I feel this way? because of this, I have no way to physically look back. I have no evidence of myself. and its....sad....I know I will regret this. So I need to get over the way I am feeling about myself and proudly take photos of myself. for my future self
I think these are all things I can work on in the year. Its still difficult with corona so I had to choose more mindfully. And theres things Id love to do with the house but thats a joint decision and one based on money AND my stress levels/mental ability.
so I think thats it
I hope my friends and family are healthy this year, I am very lucky to have had anther year with my amazing bunny. I hope hes around this time next year!
Let's welcome 2022 with a smile its twenty-tutu~
