I couldnt sleep
just couldnt sleep
I was up til 1am
woke up at 7:15am and laid there for 15 mins but gave in and got up
i was tired
cleaned my pets out
felt weird not doing a park run
i went on my laptop before massage which was booked for 10am
got to the massage place for 9:55am
turns out I didnt have an appointment
i did it online and it hadnt worked...
so she said "would you like 11am?"
i agreed and went home
i was peeved so very peed off as i felt like i was wasting my day
so i rang up to see if i could make it an end of the day appointment
and the woman on phone said they had no people in to give massages...?
what? id just booked in tho 10 mins ago?
so i told her to just leave it
i danced to get the irritation out i felt towards the human race
then i went AGAIN to the massage place
and luckily the woman was waiting for me
she was no messing just got straight to it, im too used to karen who likes
a chat before we begin XD
the woman was lovely but yeah she talked and talked
id stopped listening really
it wasnt painful i thought it would hurt but didnt really
i could feel my knots tho i have to say
she was good and even ran over by a few mins too
i think id go again anyway, maybe before christmas or something
i came home and showered
then i got ready to go to the city centre
I realised i had a bunny filter on my phone today XD
so i was playing with that before i went off out
i got to the city centre easily enough
i had the aim of potentially picking up any xmas presents and then my main reason for going in the first place was to pick up warm clothing for school
so heres what i picked up
thermal socks, thermal gloves, thermal snood all of which are for school
a hoodie which big and baggy and cheap and will be used for school to keep me warm i think
fleece lined leggings i have several pairs already but dont have any patterned ones
a lip stick, and bunny xmas ornament for the xmas tree this year as if i ever come across any bunny ornaments i pick them up no messing
finally dog socks for mia, hedgehog socks for mum, oil for mum and candle for mum
so i was glad that i was able to pick up a few presents also
to be honest my xmas shopping is close to being finished
it helps having no friends and family i have to say
ive only really got a few more bits and pieces to finish off i think
i will get there with it all im sure
i sat in a cafe and had a hot chocolate which was good and warmed me
not to mention kept me from the rain outside
by time i went back out it had stopped raining
i caught the bus home after my shopping
i had got what i needed and i kept feeling panicky for some reason
but ive been unbalanced last week or so
but worse since ive had this job
im all over the place i mean mentally not physically XD
i rang mum on the bus home to say i was coming home and i feel a bit panicky
i knew i was ok tho
i came back and saw her for 5 mins before she headed out with dad
so i did a bit of dancing but if im honest i was exhausted so i didnt do it for long
just worn out but massage adds to that
plus the week ive had plus not sleeping
food hasnt cut it for me today
not enjoying anything im putting in my mouth
so not eaten a great deal today
just dont wan food really
im 9stone i weighed myself this morning
so i have plenty of meat on me
i had another shower
i didnt want to but i felt dirty and i wanted my pajamas on
mum came home and i showed her what i had brought
then i put it all away then ive been on my laptop
ate my dinner which was good but just didnt satisfy me
ive found dances i want to learn
got so many to do but its having time and energy you know
i feel fed up a lot and dont want to go back on monday
dreading monday
cant stop thinking about school
but what good is it doing? its not helping or changing anything so why am i worrying over it?
im fed up of it all if im honest and feel crap about myself and about life
at least ive managed to get all the warm stuff i need for school anyway
hopefully it will help
i plan on wearing the hoodie all the time at school almost like an apron so it protects my clothes from children and keeps me warm
i will be always wearing my snood and socks too
tomorrow i have no clue what i will be doing yet
cant see any friends cus honestly the ones i have are just too busy
so im just adjusting to living in my own world really
adam hasnt texted me since sunday and i havent replied to him
yeah
see how i am mentally tomorrow
and see how crippled i am from my massage
she said i may hurt
oh my instagram thing if anyone wants it
lunatique_designs
