Evening
I did manage a bit of exercise last night and left the bath for Jack as he said he would be done gaming at 8:30pm. It got to 9pm and still no Jack. He came down at 9:30pm...
I said "not going to over run you said"
he smiled sheepishly as me
"an hour later Jack"
he was about to sit on the sofa and I said
"no dont you sit down, get in that bath I dont want to see you, you have displeased me"
of course I was half joking, but I was also shattered and wanted to go to bed so as soon as he came out the bath I started to get ready for bed and he said "dont you want to watch inuyasha?"
No I did not I wanted my bed and had been counting the hours til I could climb in it and thats what I did but I kept waking up to jack grinding his teeth, tossing turning and snoring T^T
I woke up feeling ok my stomach from the evening had passed, I ate breakfast and that all ended that peace and quiet. I of course died on the toilet of course I spent another 20+ minutes on the toilet before school. i came off the toilet feeling drained, I was pale and white lipped. I hate this
We dropped Ozwald off which Jack had to round in again for me
we got to school and I felt like death. Julia saw me and said "God jo you look drained"
I said "you know what, that is the exact word I would use as to how I am feeling too"
I spent another working day barely doing anything. I did decide to do some digital drawing for the first time so that felt a bit productive but on the whole it was another long day of being cold all day and in pain, lunch made it worse as well. Could not wait to come home
Jack drove us home but at one the traffic lights, a neighbouring car pointed at my front tire. I put my window down and he said "careful of that tire its looking a bit flat"
So I said thanks and such. I told Jack to be on the look out in case he felt the steering wheel pull.
I txted mum (who had said earlier that dad had come home early) that my tire might be flat could she let dad know so he could maybe check it out upon coming from Oz, I was so dead that I wasnt planning on stopping by mums.
Mum rang me saying dad was listing all the symptoms and solutions of the tire. I could hear Jack saying half sentences next to me - I think he was panicking a bit. His confidence in driving is still not great. So I had mum telling me stuff and him stressing. She said "ask Jack how it feels to drive"
So I asked
but he wasnt stringing a full sentence together
so I said to mum "I would say but hes not talking in full sentences"
Jack absolutely bit my head off. I have never known him to speak to me like that....
mum heard it down the phone and said "ok...." I cried at that point
stress and pain and broke me.
Mum had been advising we get out the car and have a look but it was hard when I had a stressy learner driver behind the wheel and on main roads. Not gonna happen.
So we luckily got home safe. My dad was there on the drive awaiting, mum was at the front door. Dad pilled out a load of questions before I had fully got out the car, I was still crying and with dad being like that I had a panic attack right there on the drive. Mum told me to get inside, I dont even remember getting inside the house. I couldnt breathe and was hyperventilating and crying mum took me through the the lounge and got Oz for me. Dad and Jack went to look at my car. Whilst dad was busy Jack did come to the lounge window and asked if I was ok. I couldnt look at him. I was so fragile and upset.
They said there was a small hole but wasnt anything much but dad offered to go up to work and fix it for me, Jack went too. Seeing as I would be staying for a while I decided to have a brew with mum and the pigs and Oz which did help. But my stomach felt in such a knot. I knew Id have to eat when I got home but didnt want it. Whats the point? it will only go through me and give me pain.
They came back and my car was at good as new. I thanked dad and he said it was nothing to get upset about. No it wasnt. I wasnt upset about a tire. It was the situation and how I have nothing more to give. I am tired and in pain and can literally handle no more. Today was breaking point. Still shows that I cant cope well mentally.
We got home and did dinner which gave me awful stomach pain. If someone told me that my intestines had burst then I would have believed them. Pain was truly truly bad. I tried to go toilet but nothing happened. I was just meant to suffer.
Tonight me and jack were suppose to do yoga but I cant even stand up right im in that much pain, im weak and tired so I am about to have a bath at 8pm then go to bed.
I AM DONE
I could have quite easily have cried and gone back to bed when I got up this morning and to be honest I wish I had done that.
Jack insists on staying and keeping me company tonight. God knows why as I am not good company right now. We are just spending time inside with Oz.
Tomorrow is another endurance test at work
