Yesterday wasn't good
I ended up going to bed later than my usual bedtime
I was hovering around the landing I couldnt face going to my bed
eventually i sat down on my bed and cried
i was at my wits end i just felt like i couldnt tolerate any more
mum and her 6th sense must have known i was upset and came to me
she calmed me down and told me to go and doodle somewhere else
as sitting on my bed wasnt doing my any favours
I sat downstairs and doodled til my dad came to bed
I read in bed and did eventually settled but woke up in the night
I wasn't happy or myself in the morning
id had enough
i was so tired and fed up of myself and of life
I was suppose to be going out for lunch with adam
but i sent him a txt saying basically to leave me be today i wasnt myself and its unfair to have to deal with me when im like this
that was at 10:30am which is when i went to bed again
I didnt arise out of bed til 2pm to find 7 missed calls from him and that he's spoke to mum
im such a trouble maker
mum told me she'd spoke to him and told him id get in touch with him when i got up
she just said that theyre both worried about me and dont know how to help
i spoke to adam he offered to come over
i said he could if he wanted to
He came over and we spoke about stuff in my room
i got upset over it all and then even more upset when he told me hes found the last 2-3 weeks mentally draining. I felt like I was hurting him
i felt awful
i told him he didnt have to see me, he said he wanted to
i said to him "did you want to see me or felt you HAD to see me?"
but he reassured me he always wanted to see me
i felt bad id ruined the day
i then asked him if i could sleep over at his house that night
as i couldnt face going through it all again, i needed to break the cycle
he txted his dad and all was fine
i had no right to ask him for anything more but he let me
even tho he can be at his wits end with me hes still willing to put up with me all night
so at 6:15pm I dropped him off with my sleep over gear and then went to mias
it was just me and her she made us dinner and we talked and talked
i told her how stuff is
we booked to go manchester 27th - 28th January
cant wait!
it was great to see her
I left hers at 9:30pm and went to adams
i saw his mum and thanked her for letting me stay over she was fine with it all
me and adam watched Taskmaster til 11pm to which we went to bed
he played on his DS i half watched half closed my eyes
then when he turned the lights off i couldnt sleep i felt worried about the night
he cuddled me and asked me to sleep
i did drop off but i woke up plenty of times got comfy and went to sleep again
but it was all so much better than having that anxiety build up about being alone all night
in the morning his alarm went off at 9:30am i couldnt be bothered to wake up and in the end got up at 10am to make us both a hot drink whilst he ran me a bath
i had a bath then i went home really
cleaned out my pets and found millie was still snuffly
her breathing has been a bit laboured past two days and today she looked unhappy
so we booked her in at the vets for 4pm
I went back to adams house
we walked up to the pub and we had pub lunch
he had double chicken burger and i had chicken and stuffing wrapped in a yorkshire pudding
i have never heard of such a thing but it was bloody fantastic and i got massive chips with it and peas, it was a very cheap meal so i wasnt expecting much food but jesus there was no way in hell i could have ate all that so i passed it over to adam to finish off.
we left and walked to his house
i sat and talked to his dad then i went to doodle as i could frustration building up
adam noticed and said "cant i cuddle you on your bed?"
we went up and we messed around annoying one another and cuddled.
i left to go take millie to the vets
she was terrified even tho she had alice next to her
the vet wasnt overly concerned and said she should recover with a weeks worth of antibiotics he didnt say what it was, we just didnt want her to be in pain and for it to get worse
got home and caught up with a few things mainly applying for jobs
and booked bowling online for my birthday for me adam mia and rob
should be fun and got a discount as well
i dont feel too bad about tonight
it has helped breaking the cycle
millie's breathing doesnt look great tonight so shes on my mind
my brother is coming home in the evening some time so i know he will wake me up as i wake up to a pin dropping. hes on the coach from london to nottingham now anyway
hes had enough
tomorrow i am working in the morning
at a local school just til lunch time which suits me
and i have yoga later on
adam was on about seeing me but i will see how i am first
i drew this the other night just cus i wanted to
