Evening all~~
so yesterday I was not good
I achieved NOTHING with my day
I was the same old in the morning, saw mum for lunch, did a short walk with her. Felt exhausted and dizzy and had zero brain cells. But all morning and afternoon my thermostat was broken - I was having so many hot sweats followed by goosebumps. Also I was STARVING like nothing touched my stomach. I ate and ate and ate, followed each and everytime going to the toilet!
then at 2:45 I suddenly felt poorly. I was in my jumper and thick joggers, in my winter dressing gown under my duvet which had a fleece blanket over the top. I had my laptop playing next to me videos on youtube to do with food.
I was aware I was dripping with sweat but I couldnt bare to get cold and I had goosebumps. I felt very poorly. I wanted to eat as I felt starved but I couldnt tell you what food I would want to eat. I watched endless food videos.
Jack came home at 4:30pm to find me in the same position with tears running down my face. I didnt know what to do with myself. I just wasnt well. I could tell Jack was worried. Eventually at 5pm I picked myself up, knowing dinner wouldnt happen without me. Luckily it involved microwaving 2 things and making 1 omelette so it was simple enough.
I ate the food knowing I would end up in the bathroom afterwards. But I couldnt go as I dont think, after 8 times, I had anything else to give!
I wanted something refreshing and found pure orange juice in the fridge.
I drank a glass whilst Jack was doing the washing up
as soon as I drank it I thought "I shouldnt have had that"
I walked in to the bathroom feeling sick
said to Jack "Jack I feel sick"
then next thing I knew I had my head in the toilet and chucked up 3 times
bye bye dinner
Now I havent been sick since July 2008. Very specific date huh. Thats because I remember it so well, I had caught a dreadful sickness virus from my mum and missed my art GCSE! Luckily I was able to sit it a week later. But I have not been sick since then no matter how many times I spat into the toilet thinking and feeling I was gonna chuck up, I never did. Despite the amount of medication I have been on and my bad anxiety. I am good at keeping my guts in. I also dont drink so I have no alcohol fuelled vomit to speak of.
I honestly thought the next time I would be sick, because it has been so long, that I would go into shock or cry or have some sort of reaction.
I threw up 3 times, sat on the floor in the bathroom and felt this instant calm and relief wash over me. I felt SO much better for being sick. It was instant relief.
Jack doesnt do sick he says if he sees it or is near it he will also be sick. So once he heard I had done he got me cold flannel and drink of water. He looked at me with concern and said "do you think we need to have you looked at?" I said "nah I wil be fine" of course I was slightly concerned as to what the hell was wrong with me but I knew id get better, right? ^^;
so I rested but the adrenaline wore off and I felt rotten again, my stomach aching from being sick.
I managed to have a bath then I asked Jack to do my meds
He said "Jo you didnt take your morning medication, its still in your pill pot".....oo...hh....
crap
well at least we know what was wrong with me! I was sweaty and shivery due to withdrawal!!! Not sure what the sickness was about and we will never know really.
So I caught up on my meds and felt better for that! the dizzyness and sweating went.
It took me til 11:30pm to get to sleep. Poor Jack had a gin, think I had stressed him out.
He came home to find me a sweaty shivering mess in the bed, threw up, looked like death
so today
I slept through the night and made sure once I was up I took my bloody meds! wasnt going through that again!
I felt better
honestly today I do feel more myself
I still get intestine pain when I eat but i havent had to go toilet today as I have nothing to give right now! so today I spaced out my food as best as I could so not to overload my stomach all at once with food.
I managed some painting, I had 2 sleeps, when Jack came home we did a bit of a walk and got rained on T^T and i had booted Oz out whilst we went and he got wet! He doesnt have the common sense to go under cover....
so yes today I definitely feel much better! I am on the mend
we have talked about my stomach issues tho as I hurt each time I eat. So Jack would like me to go on the diet this coming week so I can maybe help my stomach before we go away as any pub food or desserts will finish me off. i cant wait to have a better tummy I must say.
so thats been me
I have ruined my 14 year record tho T^T hopefully I will improve from here.
Tomorrow I am having a go with gold leaf on my painting and seeing mummy.
right now cus I know that diet is days away I am eating anything i damn well want! I am scoffing loads cus I will miss it so bad soon!!
