Evening~
So yesterday~
didnt want to get up X3 it was my last day of freedom damn it!
But it turns out Jack was awake and out for breakfast at like 9am!
so I asked him if he wanted to see me in the afternoon and he said he'd come over
That gave me time to be me X3
I did a 45min walk then 40mins of yoga
then I asked mum to put purple streaks in my hair which came out great :D i sat with Foil in my hair XD and of course thats when Jack decides to show up, he saw me and just smiled
i could see from his face he was thinking "what she up to now?"
so i went to shower that all out, then i got mum to tint my eyelashes and i did hers and her nails
Jack didnt mind watching mum's nails get done X3
then we went for a walk, yes another walk but i was determined to tire myself out as I wanted to sleep for school the next day, so we did a good walk which was nice
then we came back and sat with Oz for an hour ^^
then we left for his flat, we made chicken and rice
i struggled to eat cus of anxiety but i managed food none the less
then we played Okami on his bed and had an early night of 10pm
I slept til 1am then got up for a massive wee
then i slept until the alarm of 6:45....
I got ready and stuff for school it wasnt too much of an ask actually
and i didnt struggle too much with the tea cakes
upon arriving at the school tho...ugh i felt so nervous and sick
we popped our bags off at the science office then walked to the hall
having the plan in mind of sitting together (1M apart cus we knew it would be set out so) and near back. but as soon as i saw through the open the door the hall, i started having an anxiety/panic attack
there was no two spaces together, no spaces at the back (so i could stand up if i ached)
i couldnt breathe i had tears down my face, jack turned round to me as he saw the dept head coming towards me and she said "come on Jo I will sit you in the reception office" and jack shouted back at me "will you be ok" i just nodded
she sat me with the reception staff who would be streaming the hall meeting....streaming it...that was an option was it!? i didnt need to go through that if it was gonna be streamed!!! T^T
it drained me, even tho it wasnt a full blown attack as it couldnt get to that point as the dept head took me away, it still drained me
after sitting for an hour unable to hear the stream due to everyday noises i left for the science office, were i tried to stream it on my laptop but it wasnt having it so i gave up and went to go sit with the printer technician whilst she worked, its company
then break time i saw jack he hugged me and we had a cup of tea and a biscuit
then him and julia offered to go in the hall with me but i looked at it and could feel that panic feeling coming back on and said id stream it by myself
i know what it was, i couldnt bare to sit in pain in the middle of the room, unable to get out
i couldnt do it, the fear of aching there was too great
i went upstairs and did jobs really
then we had lunch but i couldnt eat really it was pasta and i tried but food wasnt sitting right
i took my cake home for my brother which he enjoyed
after lunch it was department meetings and Jack got to stand at the front of the science team giving a health and safety speech he had put together, makes me sick, really knows how to put me off him XD he loves the power and authority and it makes me sick haha
then it was pretty much time to go home as we got to start 40mins later and finished an hour earlier!
i came home and had a brew with mum and Oz
i told her of my day and i said "i dont know what to do, the thought of getting up by myself tomorrow makes me want to cry.. but i dont want to leave you to care for Oz"
mum said "Jo youre getting upset now, this is to help you. Oz is fine and i dont mind caring for him he's no trouble" i had started crying at this point
I went for a walk with mum then I got home and rang jack and asked if i could stay over and he said it was fine ^^ so i am going over shortly :)
i had dinner and did 20mins of yoga
tomorrow is school
dont need to be there til 8:50am result ^^
then another 3:05 leave wooooo
staying over at jacks straight after tho
so not a bad first day i guess, just me and my issues ^^;
