This is Jozu who hasnt practiced her japanese in a week!
naughty naughty ><
ahhhhh im struggling
no other word for it
me and my head are at war
its been brewing i could feel it and today i feel like i understand
what schizophrenics go through
it's like having a constant voice a constant noise and im not sure its
thoughts or voices i feel like i literally telling who ever is in my head to f*** off!!!
im not sure what to do
my stomach for a very long time hasnt been right and this week it feels and behaves the
way it did when i was 18 its like stressed and feels like its tied in a knot
to cure it I had acupuncture which was like torture to me
i considered going to go back and have it
but the thought of laying down with those needles in me makes me want to cry
well i did used to cry actually
i thought about getting in contact with someone who deals in mental health
because i think im getting stressed stomach because of my thoughts
my thoughts are stressing me out about my eating and about my insecurities
and now adam is in my life thats kinda like a new target for it
telling me how bored he will be of me and it wont last long
just my insecurities
i dont know what to do
theres other stuff as well my head talks about. stuff that to write down will seem like complete madness its something i have never told anyone. and even when i have approached the subject with mia and with mum i could tell it scared them so i never mentioned it again because i didnt want them to worry or look at me different cus what i have going on in my own head
scares me
i dont want to be like this
i want to be free
but i have no idea how to go about any of this
i feel quite alone with it all actually
anyway today
i was surprised to see mum wake me up at 8:30am with pinks
i had taken sleeping pills and slept through the night
it felt like id only slept and hour! i cant actually remember the last time a night
went so damn fast and i slept through!
I was sewing and I got Oz's blanket finished and I am really pleased
with it actually because for a while I was unsure of the design and changing
it all as i went through it all
i photographed it :)
then started on lolita bows
did all of this whilst watching 'Vampire Diaries' which Im getting quite into actually
and as usual my favourite character is the psychotic one
seem to draw to the psychos some how
probably cus i can relate to their way of thinking XD
I didnt bother filling in that job form cus i just thought they wouldnt have me anyway
private school - i wont be posh enough for em
Been with the pets and stuff cus its been a bit
cold and miserable out there today
Oz even given the option to play outside chooses to stay in his cage!
he is the complete opposite of tiffin
I had yoga which wasnt good actually
didnt enjoy it
tomorrow I have doctors at 8:50am cus my skin is still in bad condition
just flakes away and is sore to touch at times looks so red too
not nice really
then at 10am Oz has his injections! bless him
then I think me and mum are traveling to the other side of town for a few clothe stores :)
