Evening
Yesterday was just awful
I felt like a zombie when I got up for school, and I felt no better when I was at school
as the day went on the worse I got. I was just in floods of tears and not even sure why i was crying. I fell asleep on the office floor with my coat thrown over me. Jack shut the door and turned the lights off. He was concerned for me. Concerned for my mental and physical health.
I texted mum at lunch and told her what a state I was in and that I wanted to come home but I stuck with it just so jack could get home. She texted saying that I needed to take time off as im getting worse. I showed the text to jack and it started me off crying again. He said "she might be right. And to be honest I dont think you are safe to work right now. You havent just had to odd time or day of feeling unwell this week, you have been getting worse all week"
i felt like crap and looked like death
I prepped my lessons for thursday and did as much as friday as possible then sat alone.
I drove us home crying all the way. Not even sure why tears were flowing they just were. Some part of me must have been really sad
I got home and mum saw how bad I was, I told her and jack that was going to have a shower and my face was stinging from all the crying. I did that and had a brew with mum and jack we agreed i needed to stay off for the rest of the week. Jack doesnt want me at work T^T
Luckily chris had said that in the event i was too sick to take jack to work he would take him and bring him back ^^ chris is such a good guy, we will buy him rum at the weekend to say thank you.
after dinner jack packed up my dvd draw and we took that over to the bungalow, and tried to unwind with what was left of the evening. I hadnt done any exercise i was literally done. I felt like a shell. i just needed sleep. we lit tara's candle and it sits on the mantel piece. Jack went to blow it out but for some reason decided to give it the biggest breath ever. and hot wax splattered up the wall - freshly painted wall. and dried instantly. I told him to get a wall scraper and scrape what he could off. i then sanded the wall down with sandpaper, made him hoover the mess up and then i painted the wall. it was 9:30pm when we finished. he was very sorry. i wasnt even bothered about it i didnt get mad or upset. we all do stupid things and i was just numb anyway.
I slept over there last night
and this morning gave the wall another coat as I could still see blue wax through the paint....
chris came to pick jack up and then i left shortly afterwards, after i had rung work up
i came home and sat with mum and the girls then i went to bed
woke up and sat with Oz with a brew and had lunch
then went to bed
jack came over and he packed up my manga
we had dinner and jack went over to the bungalow with my manga and new tv, my brother drove him over which was kind of him. and i then tinted mums eyebrows and eyelashes and she did mine
now i am gonna get Oz and just sit
I have done literally nothing today
just exhausted and want to sleep. Mum says i have exhausted myself but she also feels my depression has been coming along stronger and stronger lately. she wondered if i needed to speak to a doctor but i am sure i will be fine for some rest
so i have 4 days of rest. 2 days off school + the weekend
hopefully i will be good to go for monday
tomorrow i might take Oz over for his first trip to the bungalow
