Evening
I managed to get to sleep but I woke up and then had to get up as I hurt so much
so i had cereal and pain killers
my usual routine in the middle of the night
i got up at 8am
This morning I got into the car with mum and got out where she worked
so I could walk home, just gave me a different walk really
i walked for 50mins i was a bit sweaty afterwards
got home and sent over the form me and jack filled out yesterday, sent it over to jack
then did 30mins of dancing til i was shaky sweaty mess -____-
felt better for exercise
had a shower and a brew
then i worked on my christmas tree lolita bow
finally got it finished, looks cute. i will take a photo~
i had a bit of a rest and mum woke me up with cake mix X3
sat with Oz in the living room with the fan on him
he had stupidly decided to lay under a bush but the sun was on him
so he was hot bunbun
i cooled him off and he sat there for an hour on the sofa!
lazy bunny X3
then i was looking at stuff online, housey things and christmas decorations
stuff to design but was getting a little to immersed in it all
sometimes i get too carried away with design
so i got up and did 20mins of dance learning and i have just about finished the Angerme dance, a slower more controlled movement dance so i have been finding it tricky but i am getting the hang of it now and it feels good to have reached the end of the song
so today i have done 100mins exercise~
how im not skinny i will never know -____-
mum suggested i order some Bio Oil
i brought some online and my god its expensive it best work!
during lockdown i was a bit mental and basically removed the skin on my calves and shins using my nails, until it bled. it has taken sooo long to heal, cus i wear compression socks during the night and not letting my skin breathe, it is slowing the healing process down
i have tried to not wear my socks but i am just in too much pain without them sadly
so i have been putting expensive derma care cream on my legs and they are healing but the skin is now different shades - reds, purples, pinks
i have wrecked my skin
i am so annoyed at myself for doing it
but i was in so much pain and distress i just needed to feel something else
i different pain
so i scratched and i suppose its the same sort of release as self harming (not that i have ever done that!)
but im annoyed at the damage i have done to my skin
it looks a mess
jack has seen them and he just looked sad at me and hugged me. he is just glad im ok but he does watch my hands as sometimes i scratch without thinking and sometimes it is my legs
but luckily the last few weeks i have made an active effort to not touch my legs and put cream on twice a day. but i need more than a cream. Bio Oil is suppose to be good for scarring basically
we shall see if its worth the time and money
tomorrow
probably find something creative to do after my walk and work out
my Switch should be ready for collection on thursday!
