I didn't do my diary yesterday as it was too late and I was too tired!
Anyway yesterday!
I had woken up late and mum had already cleaned the pigs out!!
Damn it woman its a job I can do let me do it! I woke up at 8:50am
We got Millie ready for the vets
and they looked at her and discharged saying her lungs and throat sounded
totally normal which i was happy about and she had put weight on too
which we could tell without weighing her
we came home and i think i went back to bed as i just felt like crap
id had a rubbish old night as usual
when I woke up I got ready to adam and went over to his house at 2pm
we didnt do much and then we left at 4pm for my house
I didnt feel right coming home
I felt dirty and not right in my own body (I am just mental at times)
I got home and went to sort my hair out which looked crap to say id had a shower at 9am
I put clothes on and didnt feel right in them
all in all i was not happy but not taking it out on others just myself
mum said i looked like a caged animal
in the end i dived in the shower as i thought it would calm matters down
water always calms me and restores me i blame it on being an Aquarius
its when I have these moments i have to be selfish and just sort myself out basically
but it doesnt help when i do this and have a guest over
one of which i had disappeared on and left talking with my mother!!!
I came downstairs in a better frame of mind - not perfect - but better
we set off for Tara's house
In the car I asked adam "so what was you and mum saying?"
he gave me a look of guilt "you wasnt talking about me was you!?"
his face confirmed my suspicions
"of al the topics you could have talked about and you chose me" -_____-
he said "i think she was just worried"
>.>
We arrived at tara's with no issue
james wasnt home yet from work but when he came in tara sent him upstairs
to get changed from work and when he came down he had a lovely surprise
of nutmeg and rocky!
so we played with her bunnies which are cuties i love em
but then i love bunnies ^^
I felt so much better at taras i was much more at ease and enjoying myself
we all sat down and played 'card against humanity'
for those who have never heard of it its an incredibly funny, cringing, dirty game
i had played it once before in london with my friends years ago and found it hilarious
so playing this time was no different
god all our faces ached at the end of it even adam's
it was good to see he had such a good time with my friends
we got up and sorted our own food out which was chips and pulled pork on cobs
taras pulled pork was flippin amazing i ate more than i usually do it was so freakin good
we finished up and i held her hamster who woke up he is adorable i love him
we finished a couple more round on the card game
i won XD oh yeah people didnt expect me to be good at that game X3
at 9pm we left and tara gave me my birthday present
i went to take adam home
all the way home feeling like i was gonna bring my food up but it was just anxiety
getting anxious about my mentality once id be home
turns out i did manage to get ready for bed and pass out til 1am
i was tired so i wasnt surprised but then the night from there was rubbish
i got up and i dont know where my head was today but it wasnt right
i had such a bad day with my head
i couldnt face getting cold just putting the pigs outside
i couldnt face getting told off by mum from doing nothing and not putting the pigs out
i couldnt face ringing the agency for work
i couldnt face making myself some food
i didnt want to eat
i didnt want to draw or sew like i had planned
i didnt want to be alone
i wanted to ring mum and ask her to come home
but wasnt going down that line
all in all i laid about in a ball and paced til mum came home
crap crap crap day
waste of a day
a day spent wrapped up in my abnormal head
mum came home and could work out i wasnt in the right frame of mind
i told her and i could tell she was just tired of it
we made beans on toast for a late lunch at 2pm
luckily at 1pm i had managed to put the pigs out before she came home
since then i have gormed out in front of my laptop watching hair and make up stuff
fed up of my hair so i might go out and buy a dye tomorrow
i feel unwell
i feel like im coming down with something
i hope im not with my birthday being less than a week away!
ive got yoga tonight
i will drag my corpse through it somehow and then get anxious
about the night to come no doubt
i hate life at times
tomorrow id like to buy hair dye and actually sew!
my nails from a previous week
