Evening~
Can you believe we're ending another year!?
My god where has it gone
scary ne~
I had to look back at what had happened in 2017 to see if much had changed this year
Last year I had decided to go out with Adam, I was working, I got Oz, I was having CBT
they were probably the main points I think
so this year what has happened or changed :/
well in January I started having sessions from the psychologist and he referred me to see a psychologist, from there I tried different anti-depressants and even tried and anti-psychotic as the psychiatrist thinks I have dissociative Identity disorder. Im still seeing the psychologist and see the psychiatrist as and when
also in January my little boy Oz had his first birthday ^^
February I turned 26! I went to Matlock with Adam and had the day with my mum
April I started coming off tramadol a nasty pain killer I had been on for year, was not easy coming off those buggers but I achieved it, I also achieved coming off antidepressants!
Also in April I attended Antony and Joy's wedding~
During the summer me and Mia went to Mancheser comic con which was lovely just the two of us
September I went abroad for the first time in 16 years, I went to France with Adam and his parents which was nice but also confirmed to me that I didnt want to go out with him anymore
September was also when I ended my relationship with adam which he didnt take well but so needed to be done
October I went abroad on an airplane and without parents! first real independant abroad holiday I went with adam and breaking up with him before the holiday was the best decision ever, I enjoyed myself and its made me want to go abroad again
We lost Pinks this year she suddenly went
November I got my first proper job and dropped it after a month as I wasnt fit for work
in December we suddenly lost Maisy after only having her a year
also in December I started antidepressants again
so yeah a fair bit happened this year
i achieved I think what I wanted to this year
I went abroad and I got a proper job
granted they didnt go as planned as i ended my relationship after going abroad and had to give up my job, but still stands that I did these things and I will remember them
anyway today
well last night i did my nails~
last night I hardly slept cus my god I ached
i got up and had cereal and hot chocolate as i felt seriously sick from medication and from being in pain for so many hours
so when i got up at 7am i was so god damn tired
but I had to get up as I had doctors at 8:40am
i had first appointment but the doctor didnt stroll in until 8:45am good start isnt it
he gave me what i need and for the hormone blood test i need to come off my pill for a month
so i will stop taking that tonight
I came home and mum was ready to go to the city centre with me
we both didnt need much and wanted to get into the city before it got busy
we went round tk maxx and i managed to get the underwear i needed i honestly did so well i got 5 bras!! that is an achievement as im such a small size that its hard to find them and it only came to £24 whereas mum pays £20 for just 1 bra! bargain especially when im picking up two for £1.99 each!!! mum says its cus theres as much fabric on them as a tissue XD cheeky
we went debenams and I got another bra so in total today i got 6 bras so that means its safe to start chucking out my old ones, i never like to throw away unless ive replaced them
we went to a shoe shop for mum where i was about nodding off in my seat i was so tired and mum took ages but i wasnt arsed
we were home for 12:20pm so in time for lunch and i had soup and bread with mum
then i went for a much needed sleep
christ i was shattered
when i woke up mum had finished making the cake for tonight so i was able to lick out the bowl
then i finished my painting!!! im quite pleased with it and mum says its ok to put it up in the kitchen which is why i did it in the first place
its brands you would find in our kitchen
so we have:
Cadburys - chocolate
Heinz - baked beans and sauces
PG Tips - Tea
Flora - Butter
Nescafe - Coffee
Kelloggs - Cereal
Hovis - Bread
I did a bit of yoga for 20 mins and laying around I was tired still
sick of being tired!!!
I did 10 mins of dancing as well
then went for a shower
now just waiting for the pizza to cook then after were having sponge and custard
what a way to bring in 2018!
I think Mia was having a new years party tonight at some friend's house but shes not let me know whats happening and its 7pm and im in my pajamas
i dont want to go cus i went to her party the other night and im so damn tired i wont make it to midnight and its just her friends getting drunk and merry, not my scene
parties arent my thing
so im hoping she doesnt text me but if she does i will just tell her im too tired
tonight will be a quiet one of me being in bed for 9pm probably XD
to me new year means one thing - the date changes so i have to get my new calendar out
its no big deal
if i wake up from the fireworks at midnight then i might text a few people wishing them new years but if not then it doesnt matter, my phone will be on silent thats for sure
no one is waking me saying "happy new year" >.>
that was 2018 anyway
a sorta eventful year i guess
wonder what 2019 will bring~~
hopefully better health, new job, and family, friends and pets be alright
this was 2018 jozu~~
Oh yeah and i found out how long ive had my laptop for
9 years!!!!!!!
i can remember when i got it and people told me "they dont last longer than 4 you know"
and here i am 9 years later
been blogging using the same laptop~
Konbanwa~~~
I hardly slept
it was a night of tossing and turning being in pain
i woke up at 7:45am and got up as I couldnt stand another minute in bed
i know when its bad when i get face ache from the pillow -____-
safe to say i was tired this morning!
I didnt do a lot in the morning
i sat and painted
through out the day i have painted and i got all the logos finished
i finished Flora butter and Hovis bread
just got to do the borders which wont take me long at all as my brother
has kindly given me masking tape for the straight borders~
I needed his help actually as since last night my gmail hasnt worked
and i left it 24 hours and it still didnt work so he had uninstall google chrome
and everything, such a faff for him but its times like that im in amazement to
his tech knowledge and grateful he can do it as i certainly cant!
i fell asleep after lunch as i was just shattered really
then got up and did a bit of yoga and went for a run
i couldnt be doing with a slow walk i just wanted my exercise for the day done and dusted
so i did my usual route then came home for the second shower of the day -____-
then had dinner really
nothing special today
tomorrow i have the doctors at 8:40am
then i might head off into the city centre as i need underwear
my bras are in a mess i mean im gonna check my draw tonight to see if theyre all
in bad shape and assess the situation from there but past few i have worn look like rags
and maybe i could find some in the sales
apart from that there isnt much i need really but thought id check sales out
feel like i want to do my nails tonight
after ive sat with Oz i will do them
sat with him earlier for almost an hour bless him
hes likes a cat he just sits and wants fuss XD
here is a lip stick and lip gloss i got the other week its DHC and good for your lips
i quite like the colour also~
and it came with free samples i must have over 50 free samples now XD
i never use them as i forget about them ><
Evening~~
I had a good time at Mia's party last night
I left around 10:30pm
I couldnt stop yawning I had been up since 5am
it was getting louder as the alcohol kicked in
so yeah I left really
but everyone made a fuss of me and i sat with Mia's cousin Sammi
and we had a catch up
i spoke with mia's mum and mia's aunty too
it was nice
I got home and got in my pajamas and had a hot chocolate
then went to bed at 11pm
didnt fall asleep til gone midnight
i was quite tired this morning when I woke up at 7am
But I got up and i cleaned my pets out
then i read on my bed for a bit then found the will to go for a run
i was running for 25mins i did a different route
very up and down dale i have to say
but made a change to do a different route
i came in and showered
i did some more of my painting
i got PG tips finished and Kelloggs~
Nescafe is almost finished just needs another coat
I've sat and read a fair bit today
just so tired and drained and not been in the mood to do much else really
so not a very exciting day but i knew thats how it would be which is why
i did my exercise in the morning so i could sit back rest of the day
i did do 20 mins of yoga to stretch myself out
and i might slow dance in my room tonight if i have any energy left
apart from that i will just sit with my Ozwald and go to bed
not got any plans tomorrow so i will just see what i fancy doing
probably do some more painting thats for sure~
here is a robin plushie i made using a template from sew desu ne
i made it smaller tho and its gone away with all the christmas decorations now
think i made it christmas eve
Evening~~
I didn't sleep well
woke up at 1am to the sound of my brother coming home
then I woke up at 5am and got up at 5:45am and went back to bed
at 6:50 and woke up at 8:45am so at least I got some sleep
I did a bit of dancing this morning for 25mins
i was sweaty XD
then went for a shower
then me and mum just went tk maxx i got some boots reduced from £40 to £16
theyre good ^^
i felt rough going round the shops tho
i got home and made some biscuits to take to mia's tonight
theyre kruidnoten in the shape of ginger bread man
taking 20 over should be alright
then i went to bed
didnt wake up til 3pm and i laid there til 3:30pm then got up for a brew
then ive been sat painting
ive been painting logos and ive got cadbury's finished and Heinz
then i had leftovers for dinner and got ready to go over to mia's house
not going over til 7:30pm and its only 6:20pm
and im ready really so i might do some more painting in the mean time
tomorrow not sure what i will do
i hope im not too late leaving mias house to be honest
im so tired all the damn time i hate these antidepressants
yeah not sure what to do tomorrow really
i took photos of Ozwald the other morning
he's cute~
and he's 2 years old on 7th January!
Evening!
i slept pretty well ^^
i went to bed at 9:45pm
I wanted to finished watching big fat quiz of the year
but I couldnt keep my eyes open
thinking i pretty much slept through to 8am
about time is all i can say!
I got up and went for a run
i could not be bothered by any means
and it was a big effort but i got it done
then i showered and did some reading on my bed
i had lunch which was a left over sponge, i heated it up with jam
it was so good
then i wrapped myself up on my bed and read
i was just exhausted i think from running and medication
eventually i got up and i did some drawing
ive drawn it all out now and ive started painting it
hopefully wont take too long but no rush and i wasnt to take my time with it
helped mum with the dinner
sat with ozwald
did a tiny bit of slow dancing in my room
but just so tired
mum says i look drained
might do some more painting in a bit
tomorrow im gonna make some biscuits for mias evening
i hope i can go out somewhere with mum just for a bit
then im going over to mias at 7pm
so i might have to have a power nap in the day to boost myself before i go
here are this weeks nails
10 different designs~
Evening~
Last night I took my brother to a party at 7:45pm
I said Id pick him up so I waited and waited for him to text or ring
he didnt
got to 12:30am and I heard someone dropping him off
I was so tired and dead but relieved that I hadnt got to go out the house
so I drifted off to sleep
didnt sleep great and woke up at 8am
I got in the shower and got ready to see mia for her 27th birthday
i made the effort and put a bit of make up on
I saw her at 10am
i was so tired tho and these antidepressants arent helping with how im feeling
we sat and had a brew and rob made her breakfast so i sat with them whilst they ate that
then we went through to the living room were she opened all her gifts
its like watching a child each year XD makes me laugh
she loved my presents which i was happy about
i got her the sakura figure and drew her a picture
she got some lovely things
i stayed til 12 as she wanted to pop out before family came over
she told me i can go over to join family and friends on friday
and then she said shes having a new years eve party about 5mins from her at a friends house
and that i could come if i wanted to
i feel i have to go but i will see
parties arent my thing but if you always turn it down you never get invited again so yeah
i will try show my face
i will go on friday for sure
i came home and had some lunch then went to bed
i was so mentally and physically exhausted
when i got up i realised i was home alone so with little motivation i got up
and blasted my music out and danced for 35mins
i was rather hot and sweaty afterwards
it felt good to try tho
i did a little bit of drawing
helped mum with the dinner which was amazing it was pasta
and we had left over sponge and custard it was effing brilliant loved it
only got a bit of stomach ache too
then i sat in a ball and read to pass the stomach ache
then did 30mins of yoga
just so tired and the days and evenings feel long just cus im knackered
and cant be bothered to do anything i dont have the focus or energy
but i keep trying to do bits
tomorrow i have no plans
so god knows how i will pass the day
just spend it in bed hopefully XD
Merry Christmas~~!
I remembered at 7:30pm yesterday that I hadnt been chemist to pick
up my medication -____- so I had to go out in the cold and do that
thank god they were still open
I went to bed at 9pm shattered and woke up at 11pm, why?
then from there just a rough night of tossing and turning
I was desperate to get out of my bed but the house was soooooo cold
that i knew it would probably only make my aches worse
so i stood it out in bed
woke up at 7am to the sound of my brother going out the house
he was off to take photos of derby city centre what with it being deserted
then i woke up at 8::45am and decided I best get up
it truly felt like christmas in our house -_____-
everyone eats the same breakfast, every one has the same morning routine
yeah just another day of the week in our house
i felt rough as anything
i got my A3 sketchbook out and began to do some drawing but didnt get far
as everyone decided they wanted to open presents at 12
so that took us an hour which was nice
and heres what I got this year I only take photos for my diary's sake
Traditionally me and my brother open each others first each year
he brought me an alice in wonderland tea cup from Whittards which is too good to use and so is on my windowsill
cute huh it even has a clock inside!
Tara gave me a scarf, soap, pokemon figures, face pack and a peter rabbit cross stitch
Mia gave me hot chocolate from Whittards which is always a winner but was packaged beautifully in a Whittards box which I have never seen done before, she also brought me sleep soapy stuff which I thought was thoughtful as she knows I dont sleep well it was also wrapped up in like a bunny scarf
Karen gave me a rabbit ornament, nail varnish and bunny candles not that i will want to use the bunny candles!
from mum well my parents i got a new dressing gown, a car smelly, lights to attach to my shoes when im running, next Natsume's book of friends manga, last in the series of Murakami book im currently reading, fluffy bunny socks. I was happy with the lights as i hadnt asked for them and wondered where you got them from as ive never seen them before, the Murakami book i kept saying to mum i need the 3rd one but kept forgetting to buy it, i only have 100 pages left of the 2nd book
so yeah a good christmas
and everyone seemed to like what i gave them
my brother LOVED the signed Rick and Morty comic I gave to him
he wants it up on his wall which surprised me and he said i did a good job of framing it too
he was well impressed ^^
after presents we had lunch i made salad for a change
then my parents went for a walk so i did some dancing which was hard work but good for 25mins then i did 20 mins of yoga but ive pulled a muscles cus i moved funny
i sat for a bit as my parents came home then i forced myself for a 45min walk
afterwards i sat and had a brew with Ozwald
then it was pretty much dinner time
we had a massive dinner
and i ate it all
i cant remember the last time i ate so much i was almost sick
but it was so good, mum had taken so much love into making it, and it was christmas dinner so i didnt want to waste it
i laid in pain on the sofa for a while afterwards
then sat with my brother and mum in the hall with the pigs
then it was sponge and custard which was effing brilliant
then i took my brother to a house party at 7:45pm
i said id pick him up as i dont sleep anyway so im expecting a wake up txt possibly phone call from him in the night but alwell
so yeah not very christmassy but never is in our house
its very similar to a sunday here
but still its how my family functions and it is just us so you make the best of it and im grateful for what we have
tomorrow is mia's birthday so i plan to see her in the morning!
dont know what i'll do rest of the day probably exercise and continue with the drawing im doing
merry christmas all~
its all done with for another year
yeahhhhh!
It's almost christmas!
Meaning all of this hype is almost over
its been building up since September and its almost finally over
then it will be "sale this" "sale that" and "join the gym"
same crap every year
although I saw an advert that confused me on TV last night
"January sales starts Boxing day"....well thats boxing day sales then surely
cus January doesnt start 26th december
load of crap
I slept really poorly
honestly I dont think I got much sleep at all and didnt wake til 8am
I felt rough when I woke up and couldnt face taking anymore medication
mum says shes noticed I zone out a lot she says i look like a zombie
and she says my eyes look strange as well like im on something
yeah gotta be medication but I didnt realise I zone out
It was frosty this morning and I went outside to take photos of Ozwald
i got a lil cold in my dressing gown but i enjoyed it
i will share them sometime
I did some jpop dancing this morning whilst mum made the cake for tomorrow
cant beat the traditional sponge and custard in this house
and when I finished dancing the bowl was ready for my to lick out ^^ best bit
then I went for a shower~
afterwards I went for a walk with mum
which I found hard work as I was tired but I got it done
we came in and had soup which was good
then I went to sleep
i just couldnt function with new medication and lack of sleep
when i got up I realised I was home alone
so i recorded a dance
it took sooooo much effort to get up and do it but i felt i wanted to try
and i did it luckily it was only a short dance
then i did some more dancing but i was getting sloppy because i was so tired
but i like to be able to blast my music out when no one else is home
makes dancing 10x better with loud music
then i sat with my Ozwald with a brew
he enjoys his sits
honestly he will sit there forever more
its only like 6pm and im struggling to know what to do
its hard when your tired and feel so fog brained
im not getting on with anything and its annoying me!
were about to sit down and have pizza but my brother has gone out on his BMX
dont envy him as my god it is cold tonight!
I did my nails last night
did 10 different designs~
i will upload a photo
tomorrow is christmas
im looking forward to the food actually
but as for how im gonna spend the day i am unsure
as what is there to do on christmas day when its just the usual 4 of you?
it can be a lil dull to be honest but i do try my best with it all
and i hope im able to enjoy the day and not too much of a corpse
i hope everyone likes what i have brought them this year
i drew this to celebrate christmas
its the girl from Lets go Eevee
Merry Christmas Eve Eve~
I didn't sleep well as once again I felt ill in the night
I did however manage to stay in my bed all night
I woke up at 8am too so bonus!
Mum kindly dyed my hair this morning
I now have brown hair
mum says i match the bread board and the kitchen units XD
its fresher and softer
I havent dyed it in months
I cleaned my room which didnt take too long
I like it clean for christmas
Mia phoned me to have a rant XD
I designed some christmas nails which I would like to do tonight
As it never stopped raining til like 5pm today I danced inside
despite feeling rotten I pushed myself to do something
I felt better for doing something
then I sat with my Ozwald
I did a bit of sewing, that robin thats been sat in my floor
ive just got a lot of hand sewing to do on it tomorrow
and that was my day really
tonight is new Cats does Countdown Christmas so im looking forward to seeing that
tomorrow is christmas eve
I dont have any plans tho
probably finish off the robin, go for a walk
ive been meaning to do some drawing but cant find the will to get going with it
maybe cus i feel so off
not looking forward to another night of feeling poorly
here is the Kruidnoten I made yesterday
traditionally theyre suppose to be like round disks but i chose to shape them~
Evening~~
My god did I feel sick in the night
it was awful
I woke up plenty
but I stayed in my bed all night which is something
I got up at 7am to let Oz out then I crawled back in my warm bed til 7:30am
I felt pretty rotten all day
its these new antidepressants theyre horrid
Im trying to stick with them
I fell asleep for an hour this morning I just wasnt well
I made some Kruidnoten which my Dutch friends has taught me how to make
so i was glad i did something productive with my morning
its become a yearly tradition to make these biscuits
I had massage at 12 for an hour
it about crippled me, nice but yeah it did hurt a bit
and i felt sick afterwards
i was so cold afterwards as well
so i came in and showered then mum had warmed me some soup ^^
I didnt do much after lunch i just felt dead not to mention my stomach was off
but i managed to go for a walk with my parents
asi hadnt done any exercise and felt i could tolerate it better if i had company
but i forget how dull it is walking with dad,, jesus
we came back and I had a brew with Oz
then I laid round
its been a bit dull for me if im honest just cus i feel so rotten
im not good at sitting round
I didnt clean my room
but I will do it tomorrow
ive also got the robin to stitch which is still on my floor ready to be made -____-
Here is Millie and Alice's christmas photo this year
cute arent they
just very lazy critters
my parents have gone to a neighbour's for a drink
not that ether of them wanted to go
so i can watch what i like on tv tonight
and i was gonna play on the wii but im too corpse like
im gonna attempt yoga tho
Evening
what do you know, another day were Ive been awake since 4am!
im so damn tired
i felt proper sick in the night i thought i was gonna chuck up at one point
but its new medication which hasnt been that nice but could be worse
I got up this morning at 7am and did my pet duties
went food shopping with mum before it got mental out there
we were in the shop for 8:45am it was quiet cus everyone was dropping
their kids off at school, when we left it was getting busy cus people had
dropped kids off to school
so it was a good job done
i had a shower and waited for mum to do the lamb stew for tonight
then we went for a walk
it was a bit bleak to say the least
we left there and went to a cafe
were i had a hot chocolate and shared a bit of caramel shortcake with mum
that was my lunch XD
we came home
i changed my bed and laid on fresh bed
then went to mias were i stayed there from 2pm til 5pm
we exchanged presents and had a catch up
i came home and did some yoga
i was so damn cold from mia's house tho
her house is cold so it made me ache big style
couldnt wait to warm up so i had another hot chocolate
had dinner and had to wait almost an hour for the burning feeling in my stomach to pass
i havent done much else today
tomorrow is the christmas park run and mum did it last year
and was gonna go this year but everywhere is like water logged so shes not going
and nether am i cus i wont enjoy it
i do have a massage booked for midday which i can not wait for
its an hour long so i hope i can walk afterwards
ive got biscuits to make tomorrow and my room wants a dust over the weekend
i like a tidy room before christmas~
not got anything else planned
might watch a film in the evening as my parents have been invited over to a neighbour's house for a drink which they dont want to go but they are going so i might watch an anime film downstairs as i never did watch the girl who leapt through time ><
Oz's christmas photo this year
god it was hard to photograph him as he wouldnt keep still!!!
cute tho
Evening
My god I barely slept
it was as bad as the night previously
took me til midnight to get to sleep
woke up at 1am to the sound my brother coming home
woke up at 2am
woke up at 4am and been awake since as i was in agony to the point were i was almost crying the aches were so bad and relentless
I got up for a stretch and cereal it was just awful
my head hurt and of course my nose was blocked
I couldnt wait for my dad to get up at 7am so I could dive out of bed
there was no way I felt like school
I looked sick
but I went
cus im like that
I got to school and a few members of staff said "are you alright?" when I arrived
guess I must have looked bad even with the make up
I was in the youngest class and it went fine really
I watched a boy chuck up in the toilet
what timing that was...
I was just doing odd jobs which I didnt mind cus it was mindless and passed time
i got to leave at 11:45am too!
I went home and had a hot chocolate and 2 biscuits
got changed and went to go see Seth
I couldnt be bothered to drive half hour as I felt rough but I went
and I was glad I did
his outfit was amazing and I saw his grotto which I took photos of
this is the walk way to the groto house
cool huh like UV
I talked with him for probably 45mins then I left him to start his next shift
which left me able to wonder the farm and I found cute piggies
reindeer and donkeys too
god the guineas were so damn small and cute!!
Seth gave me a badge to take home X3
I got home and mum had just walked in
she had brought us all a biscuits which was very nice
we went out to fetch my prescription for my new antidepressant which im looking forward to working just not looking forward to the side effects
its called Venlafaxine
we came back and I had a brew with Ozwald
then I googled my new medication just cus mum was curious
then thats all ive been on my laptop today not very exciting cus internet is boring
I had yoga and Karen did her usual christmas routine which was good
then we all had to mindfully eat a cube of dark chocolate
i couldnt wait to come home and get rid of the taste
i forget how gross dark chocolate is
we had pasta for dinner i didnt eat much but still got stomach ache
tomorrow gotta go shopping again with mum
thats 3 food shops in 5 days
she always gets worked up about the amount of food we have in storage over christmas
but im going with it
hopefully we can go for a drink or something later
then at 2pm im seeing Mia to swap xmas presents so that will be nice
and i have finished work for 2018!
