Good Evening~~
I'm currently sat in my yoga clothes with a korean clay mask on my face XD
as you do~
I got it in the post today so I thought I'd give it a go really
seems nice so far but see what its like to wash off!
I got an Etude House lip balm too in apricot and I got innisfree setting powder
for when you start to sweat it helps keep make-up looking good
I was checking out Japanese make-up tutorials and I see what products they use
and I found a couple of things I'd like to try so I ordered them
I just like having a play with different make-up at times
so I ordered a face base cream, pink hair dye (temporary)
then theres this eye shadow i've wanted for a few months but havent brought it
cus I have loads and it was £3.95 but when I went to a make-up shop with
mum yesterday their eye shadows were like £8+ so I thought the one I want
is bloody cheap so I ordered it today cus ive wanted it for so long!
its called 'rose quartz' a delicate sparkly pink~
Anyway I wasnt well in the night
I had awful stomach ache and ended up almost running to the toilet twice
wasnt fun I felt awful, cold sweats and the like.
so when I got up at 8am this morning I was knackered and looked it too
mum gave me some jobs to do I did them and went to bed for 10am
I had cold shivers despite it being really warm
I woke up at 12pm and went for a shower
I felt better
Since then I have been drawing my cousin's mug I have got the outline
and the base colour finished
it has taken some time but I want it to be good for her
What do you think?
its nice to have the time to draw cus lately Ive had no time for myself
im always on the go or resting cus im dead
My mental state hasnt been good today its on at me about how fat i am
the size of my body parts god it wont stop
but everything else was quiet
i have struggled to eat today just cus of my stomach and my head doesnt make it any easier
I went yoga with mum today for the first time in weeks
we really enjoyed it
the dance class next door wasnt on so we didnt have their awful music blasting
got home and dad was rude to me the first words he had said to me all day
i was even helping him look for something of his and yet he was rude
god i saw red i literally could have punched a wall with everything i had
i was raging mad but knew i couldnt retaliate i just couldnt i cant go back to being like that
it took EVERYTHING i had to not say anything i had my palms into my eyes
i walked off my nails digging into my palms
wouldnt you know my head is noisy once again
thanks dad that seems to have triggered something
not gonna sleep tonight
just cus he thinks hes so bloody high and mighty
makes me sick
from him being that rude to me for a few sentences i am now left suffering
the thoughts or voices i have right now are violent
but in a sick way its comforting to have them back cus i was a lil empty without them
welcome back who ever you are in my head
your absence has sorta been missed these last 10 days
Tomorrow I am seeing mia
were doing korean face packs, japanese hand cream, nails and then having lunch
oh and ive gotta do her skirt as well
so that will be something to look forward to
Evening~~
Ahhh I've been awake since 5:30am
I just don't sleep it would seem.
I got to acupuncture on time
we talked a lot about my mental side
stuff I have never ever told ANYONE
I felt better for it and he said I wasn't crazy which was another relief
I told him my stomach had been real bad
so I had 8 needles today he went easy on me
I had 1 on the inside of each wrist, one on each ankle, calf (which I coped with this week), 2 on my breast bone. I was pretty good this week but stopped talking as the muscles used to talk made the one in my breast bone hurt.
He lent me a book to read ^^ it sounds so random its a fantasy book
It felt good to be trusted with it :)
From there I went over to adam's house
were his dad made me a sweet cup of tea cus boy did I need it!
Then we headed off to melton mowbrary
didnt take us long to get there
the market was fairly big and there was live animals to buy
from cows to birds to guinea pigs
i refused to look at the small animals as it made me feel sick
We went into a cafe for a brew
looked round the cafe and brought a sausage cob from a butcher which was great and cheap
then we headed off home
I felt a bit drained and Oz had vets anyway so I went home
sat with mum then we went vets
then I went bed for a bit
I was a lil worried if adam's dad would treat me differently from
telling him last night about my illnesses
he asked a few times if i was ok and if i was alright doing certain things
its lovely he cares but i dont want him to have to always think about me and to make sure im ok
i just dont want to be any trouble
on the way home he said how much he likes me and that adam's ex-girlfriend was hard work XD
he told me that bits of adam's room needs doing up, one of them being new curtains i said i would like to help as i love looking round that kinda stuff and that he needs new bedding also. adam glared at me but his dad laughed and told him i have that job. curtains and bedding :)
I took a photo of the bunny they both picked me up from a zoo in France
mum has named him 'Ozwald' XD
Tomorrow I am going into the city centre with mum cus I said Id go spend some time with her.
Should be good :)
Then seeing adam having dinner with him at his house cus his parents are at a concert so hes eating alone but i said i'd go over and eat with him.
Evening~
I did the vampire shift last night
really didnt sleep
When I woke up in the night it was with crippling stomach ache
so when I woke up at 9am I was annoyed I had awoken so late
but it wouldnt have done me any good to get up at 7am
it meant my lovely mother had got the girls out again for the last few mornings ><
I stayed in my pajamas til 12pm
I finished my cousin's birthday card ^^
I was cleaning my whole room practically whilst watching vampire diaries
I had Oz with me or 'Ozwald' as mum keeps calling him XD
Then I got ready to go over to adam's once I had eaten lunch
I hadnt eaten much past 2 days
Got to adam's and sat with him and his parents
They told me about their France holiday
and they even brought me a lil bunny plush!!! How sweet of them!
I was not expecting that!
then we sorted out adam's high school and primary school work his dad had brought down from the roof, it was nostalgic seeing all the books and planners and stuff
we threw 95% of it in the bin
We played cards which I won but god knows how as it went over the top of my head
I felt a bit off and had stomach ache and was tired
so I asked adam if I could crash on his bed for half hour but if he would join me
which he did and it was nice to relax and be cuddled for half and hour
he told me he loved me as well ^^
we had dinner which was good
and then played normal dominos which was alright
I said I had to get going
they went into the kitchen adam told me "you still havent told my parents"
I said "oh crap, dont make me" and then he said "go now and tell them"
he nudged me into the kitchen and then I quite literally spilled the beans
It felt like I was naked in front of them my heart was beating rapidly
and I was keeping it together
but they didnt judge and were very accepting which I knew they would be
and I dont know why I was so worried really
they said they accept me for me and Im welcome here any time and if I need help with anything or if I need to sleep its all fine. His mum said I was 'a ray of sunshine' X3
I did feel so much better for it
it did make me late being home tho
So I've had to come home and have a mad dash round
getting Oz out, shower, stuff ready for tomorrow
jeez its never ending!
Tomorrow I have acupuncture at 8:30am
I can not wait to talk to the guy about my mental health
and also the fact that my stomach has been worse this week
Then Im going straight to adam's as his dad is taking us to Melton Mowbary
theres a giant market there I can not wait!
Then at 4pm Oz has the vets!
its go go go
and Im shattered!
But Im living my life lately I guess!
