2nd Meeting

Evening~~

Last night I didnt get home til 1am O:
i aimed to get home earlier than that but stuff didnt happen the way i wanted it to
but me and jack made cookies
we sat talking to his his flat mate Theo for a while
that guy's arm muscles are insane!! like huge and terrifying 
we went to watch anime but we didnt in the end but im sure he's capable of
watching my chrono crusade dvds by himself XD
I almost lost the control over Eko at one point so he stopped and backed off
he knows what to look out for im amazed how well tuned he is to me
then as i decided at 11:30pm i would leave he went to kiss me 
and i just switched just like that
i woke up and he filled me in on everything
hes still trying to get his head round it all and finds it so strange how different we are
one of the first things he said was that Eko is stronger than me
hows that possible!? we share a body surely strength would be the same
this is the 2nd time he has met her
he said she bit his lip which is what she used to do to adam
and he said she knows what she wants 
so when i came too i was almost hyperventilating, i couldnt breathe
the recovery took a bit of time which is why i was late leaving 
what a way to end a good evening

so this morning i went to bed at 3am
i needed time to wind down after everything
i woke up at 8:45am feeling strangely numb
like i didnt really feel pain
so i laid very very still not wanting the numbing feeling to end
but eventually at 9:30am i really needed a wee so i got up
pain soon came back
i have rare moments like that and its bliss it reminds me of what a normal body feels like

i did some dancing this morning
my god i was sweaty i worked really hard doing hard fast dances 
i waited for mum to come home and made her a brew, told her about my evening even about changing which she never really likes me talking about i can tell it makes her uncomfortable and i know she fears it, but i felt i wanted to share that jack was handling the situation well
then i dived in the shower

i had lunch then did a few errands with mum
one of which was posting my painting ive sent it off now~
i came back and did some drawing for my book of shadows
just a couple of pictures i needed to do

then i had yoga which was good
i was doing hand stands against wall like last week
and 2 other people joined in
i had the most controlled landing tho
muscles! jack is always surprised by my strength XD

im hoping i sleep tonight 
but its a thursday, a yoga night which normally means poor sleep
can never sleep after yoga for some reason
so it will probably be a late one knowing my luck
then tomorrow is school
last day before 2 weeks off for easter holidays!

~~~

Evening~

I didn't sleep great
didnt go to sleep til 3am and got up at 7:30am
great

I cleaned my pets out this morning
then I went shopping with mum
came back and had lunch then i did some dancing
had a shower and then went out with mum again
we went for a walk and had a brew in a cafe which was nice
even if it was trying to hail

i came back and got ready to go to Jack's
grabbed a quick salad
and yeah im already to go now
not sure what time i will be home
we're making cookies~

tomorrow not sure what I will do actually
need to knuckle down with some art or something 

wonder how i will sleep tonight

Pain Clinic phone call

Evening~

Didn't sleep too well but did stay in my bed~

This morning I did 45mins of dancing
i got a bit further on cross road i can now do 2:30
slowly getting there ><
i showered and went to a clothes shop but didnt get anything
i did try some shorts on but they felt too short for me
even tho they were cheap i knew id be forever pulling them down XD

i came home and had a random lunch of a yogurt apple and hot chocolate
then i my phone call from the pain clinic
which was a little bit of a waste of time as i still havent got an appointment
but they understand i need help and will be ringing up to get me in ASAP
i went to bed at this point id had enough of being tired and in pain

i got up and did some water colouring
and i can announce i got it finished!
its ok but im always critical of my work
i want to get it sent off as soon as i have something to send it off in

i sat and watched a bit of tv with Ozwald
as its been raining all day today so he hasnt really been out
after dinner i started learning a dance ive liked for years
momoiro clover Z Otome Sensou and its like 6 minutes long
and i managed to get 4 minutes under my belt!
its a lot easier to learn when ive watched the dance loads and its a song i know
plus its kinda easy too
fairies dance is difficult but i like the challenge 

tomorrow not sure what i will do in the morning 
whether to dance or run
depends on weather and how im feeling
might go out with mum
going over to jack's in the evening
he said he wants to bake cookies so that will be different
ive not baked with someone for ages

i got a korean lip tint thing in the post

i havent had a go yet as my lips are sore so im not putting any cosmetics on them for a bit
theyve been getting worse since my increased dose of antidepressants :/

4/4 guineas done + application form

Evening

I actually slept pretty well last night
no medication or getting up needed and i did pretty well
maybe it did me good to have a night away from my bed?
broke up the monotony of it all maybe
so for the first time in such a very long time i didnt wake up feeling like death!

I did some dancing this morning which was an effort 
just because I ached and my arms still hurt from play fighting
but i still did it
i had a shower and a lazy morning really
i did go to get my water colour out but i can never be creative knowing
i have work to go to it kinda interrupts the creativeness 

I went to work
jack told me he'd just found out that if i wanna stay at the school longer than May then i need to send in an application form...what fresh hell is this
but he says i can use what i sent in before just add on extra about what ive done at the school. but the deadline was today so i would need to do it when i got home
my 3 hour shift consisted of washing up but i wasnt bothered
gave me time to talk to alan and jack

i came home and did the 2 guinea pigs that were left
im not sure about the picture really im just not confident in my water colour skills
i had dinner then i started doing the form
and i got it done thanks to mum for checking it for me as i was clearly having a dyslexic moment...but its done and sent now
i hope i can stay at the school >< 

im tired and very achy 
i need to relax but i always struggle with relaxing 

i booked Oz in at the vets today for 19th april as his vaccinations are due bless him
i forgot to put on my blog yesterday that i had had him 2 years!!
beloved Ozwald~~ 

wonder how i will sleep tonight
tomorrow not sure what i will do
i fancy doing a run by the river some time this week tho

first sleep over ++ mothers day

Evening~

I didn't do my diary yesterday as I wasnt home!

Yesterday

I cleaned my pets out
i did some yoga and dancing then had a shower and went into the city centre
jack met me and we went to his and his family soon turned up with stuff for him
so i met his mum again and his step dad and younger sister
they seem like nice normal people
just typically the day i meet them all i had decided to dress like a badly dressed teenager instead of my usual girly get up. i was in red joggers a black anime tshirt glove on one hand and zip buckle on the other wrist, choker and yeah....
then his room mate Theo turned up with his mum
but soon announced he wasnt staying today or that night
so jack asked if i wanted to spend the night there with him
and seeing as id spent friday night alone i considered it

i saw his flat anyway and its clean and bright
and very plain but they always are 
we had play fights on his bed 
he saw my stomach and said "you can stop breathing in now"
i said "im not breathing in"....
we caught the bus to my car and he got to experience my driving and he thought
i was gonna be some horrendous driver but was disappointed to find i could actually drive
honestly

so he came to my house
he met my pets
and saw my room which he labelled as an Otaku bedroom XD
he liked it tho
we watched Girl who leapt through time 
then my brother came home and he actually spoke to jack
bonding over a conversation about mcDonalds -_____-
we ordered pizza and watched natsume yuujin chou whilst eating it
then we sat with Oz who was all over jack like a rash honestly it was like i didnt exist!!!!
he makes friends and sucks up to anyone! 

then we left for his house as my brother was out on his BMX anyway and was glad id have company for the night
i dont know what time we decided to sleep but it was late XD
and  i didnt sleep great but luckily didnt have to get up 
so i didnt look too much of a freak 
jack had said to me "jo its been 6 weeks and i still havent seen your legs" 
so i relented and gave up my joggers and he was like
"this is so unfair how have you got such good legs!? why dont you show them off?!"
he was impressed how strong i was too whilst play fighting asking if i was just all muscle XD
he never made me do anything i wasnt comfortable with and told me to tell him to stop if there was something i didnt like. so i can tell he cares and he isnt a jerk after one thing
its a good job too as im not confident in that kinda stuff
so its going slow but i will get there
he doesnt get annoyed about that or anything

in the morning he needed to get up as his family were picking him up at 10am for mothers day and we already lost an hour out the day due to the clocks going forward
i had to really motivate him getting out of bed hes not a morning person or wanted to leave me
the only part out of the whole thing i felt uncomfortable about was taking my meds
but he didnt watch me or say anything luckily 
he made me cereal with raisins and honey it was really good and a cup of tea and i left
i was home for 9:30am and let my pets out
had a bit of time watching stuff on my laptop
shower and i rested in and out of sleep on my bed for 4 hours
just didnt want to do anything and i was tired, in pain
my arms hurt from play fighting 
so ive done nothing all day no exercise or anything really but what can you do
ive done a lot lately guess it was gonna catch up at some point

jack wants me to sleep over again soon but ive told him to spend time with Theo his room mate and let him get settled in i dont want to annoy or upset Theo by always being there and stuff 
but we've got all of easter holidays soon

tomorrow just got school in the afternoon
wonder how i will sleep tonight
having done no exercise and being on my bed for 4 hours 

it was mothers day today and i was sure to give mum her card~

An all-nighter

Evening~~

Look who got zero hours sleep last night!
yup me! I did an all nighter
not by choice
i was just a lot of pain
i was putting pressure on muscles, fidgeting constantly, getting up, feeling sick
it was relentless and before i knew it the morning had happened
i got up at 5:50am and did half hour of yoga 
and went in the shower as id had a lot of cold sweats during the night
so i felt like i had a second skin on
i knew i couldnt go to work feeling that gross
so i had a shower at 6:30am

i said goodbye to my mum 
didnt actually say bye to dad but meh hes not bothered and nether am i

school was busy
getting me doing biology prep 
i got there in the end
and i tended to the plants also
i saw liv and did some printing
i am slowly getting used to it
and the head of science had a word with me saying i was doing well and they wanted me to sign on for more hours and stuff so that was nice to hear :)
lunch was ok i ate some breakfast biscuits which gave me stomach pains
it seriously isnt worth it
i told people id done an all nighter and they couldnt believe how energetic i was
i couldnt to be honest
you wouldnt have know cus im that amazing
sometimes i wonder if im part Siphon and im secretly siphoning off other's energies as its only when im alone im truly knackered but i keep going for those around me

i came home to an empty house which i dont enjoy
i whacked the pets out and did some dancing
god knows how
then i showered and did some chores, made a salad for dinner and ate that alone
watched some anime

jack asked me again if i would stay over tonight but i feel so bad leaving my brother
so what can i do

i got this in the post, its a lip tint i havent used it yet
but i like how its shaped like a wine bottle

tomorrow should be seeing jack
i do believe he's coming to my house ><

jesus i hope i sleep tonight!
im gonna take one too many pain killers i do believe
treat myself its friday~
my brother has treated himself to a mcdonalds tonight and im treating myself to pain killers, just no justice in the world is there

2/4 guineas done

Konbanwa~

I didn't sleep great
refused to leave my bed despite the fact i was almost crying in pain
dont know why my pain is super bad at night
but still it was nice not having to sit down stairs by myself
i woke up at 7am but stayed in bed for half hour as everyone was off out to work
so i figured it was best to stay out the way

i went for a run this morning
it was such a lovely morning
but it was a hard ask
i just found it a real effort to run
its weird how sometimes its easy sometimes its hard
i showered when i came in 
and did a few bits and danced

then i had lunch and went to bed i was tired
and i know i dont sleep well on a yoga night 

i went out for a brew with mum which was nice
the earl grey tea was so damn good
then we came back and i painted her nails and toe nails
im gonna do my nails tonight theyve chipped terribly for some reason

i did some more painting
got another guinea pig done
its looking alright i think
mum says its really good but im unsure
i just dont want it to look like i child has done it
im just taking my time with it anyway

went to yoga
it was shoulder work which is typically the muscle i have pulled
then we were doing some sort of handstand using the wall
i forced myself to do it even tho i wasnt feeling my strongest
i heard karen say "ill be over in a sec jo"
i landed safely and she came over and i said "i dont want to do again"
cus i was tired basically and i had tried it
she said "have  you hurt yourself?"
i said "no"
she said "right up the wall"
ahhhh she lets me get away with nothing shes so hard on me always pushing me!
but it makes me respect her i wouldnt have any other teacher

jack has moved out today
but found out his flat mate cant move out til saturday
so hes by himself
hes asked if i can sleep over tomorrow...eep 
not sure about that one
my only concern is leaving my brother home alone 
im sure he'd be fine but yeah ive never done it before

got school tomorrow
someone is looking round or something so ive got to be behaved
i get to tend to the plants tomorrow as well which im sadly looking forward to XD

i got a belt in the post today
and a new top

my fringe is so long i need it cutting but im not having a hair cut til 13th april!!

so anxious about my night
mum and dad go away tomorrow and i know im gonna feel it really bad
just not mentally strong this week
pathetic really