3 nights at jack's

Evening
Tadaima~
I am home~~

Friday I left to go to jack's due to my dad redecorating on the saturday morning

He let me in, but then went straight back to D&D on his computer
so I sat catching up with Theo til jack had finished
it was good to see Theo 
then the three of us talked for a bit and went to bed
i couldnt sleep really and ended up having a rather violent nightmare
jack said i was whimpering and almost crying he was gonna wake me as his attempts to sooth me in my sleep werent working, until i yelled out and woke myself up
i was having a nightmare with my other half, and she can't half dish out some punishment
so safe to say i couldnt sleep easily after that!

saturday
we had a lazy saturday really
we did a walk 
we played switches 
then over 5 hours was taken up with socialising!
as at 4pm jack's family wanted to talk to him
so we had a split screen of
jack's brother
jack's mum + sisters
jack's nan
then us 2 
it was good fun to talk to them as i havent spoken to them in quite a while
and they all seemed to be doing well
we spoke for an hour and a half
then we had dinner

then we signed into another video talk
with jack's school friends - the hogwarts crew i call them
they were all having a drink and chatting
it was good i really enjoyed it
and i kept robbing bits of jack's gin & lemonade
thinking it might help me to sleep
we stayed up chatting til midnight
they all still make fun of jack and ask me why i go out with him XD
they all make fun of one another, but its funny
they like my innocence as well it seems
but i never feel uncomfortable or left out when im with them
i do feel 'one of the lads' somehow this has happened XD

we signed out and went to bed
jack had had a few drinks so was pretty ready for bed
i on the other hand could not get comfy and was in a lot of pain
i told him i was getting up for a bit
he was gonna join me but i couldnt see the point in us both being tired
so i left him in bed and joined him at 2:30am
i had tried to get comfy in the living room but wasnt happening
so that was another rough night

sunday we got up and jack showed me a few exercises he does
and theo and jack got me to do a press up and after i did it, they had gone silent
i was like "what?" thinking 'was it bad? was my butt sticking up?'
but it turns out it was cus jack does 'girly' press ups he does them on his knees XD
i hadnt realised he was THAT weedy XD
so yeah i can out press up my boyfriend
then he did sit ups and i find that easy 
so i was doing them next to him as she shakily came up and down
he was like "how you even doing that!? are you just moving your hips?"
i said "no im doing sit ups"
theo piped in "dont have ago jack, just cus shes got a core and you havent" XD
he looked quite deflated by the end of it all
he went to theo's weights and i did yoga as i wasnt prepared to hurt my joints with weights

we went for a walk later and made food and played switches
then he had his online gaming so i was theo whilst he was playing on his switch
then we sat talking to harvey and they were both disgusted that jack had chose games over me
but im fine with it doesnt bother me
theo considered himself babysitting me XD

that night i couldnt sleep, i tried til about 12:30 and said to jack i couldnt do it
i had put blanket on the mattress and i was wrapped in the dressing gown
but it wasnt enough
so for the 3rd night i had to sleep on top of the duvet wrapped in dressing gowns and blankets
jack started to join in but i told him he may as well sleep normally in the bed
he wouldnt hear it he wanted to be able to cuddle me so he too slept on top of the duvet
and i did eventually sleep but woke up so late...10:15am!

we went for a big walk and talked and stuff
it was overall a pretty relaxed weekend
we didnt do anything we said we would do as we just socialised instead or relaxed
it was what i needed actually
the only thing i didnt enjoy was that yesterday i realise i had forgotten my antidepressant....
just hadnt brought them from home...
so i havent had any since friday morning
i was very dizzy and unsteady on my feet and couldnt think straight
and wondered why 
and when i was doing my medication it did look like i was one missing but couldnt work it out
so that would explain the nightmares on the first night as that has been the closest ive come to changing in 6months and my antidepressants do keep a lid on that 
but i did feel ok mentally so i said to jack "maybe i dont need them, and i only feel a bit dizzy"
he didnt look convinced
but this afternoon after our walk i couldnt stop having cold sweats and was dizzy
so i think the withdrawal was rearing it's head
i came home at 5pm and took my medication
and i have stopped shaking and sweating luckily
as i didnt want to tell my mum "oh i havent had any antidepressants for 3 days" wouldnt have gone down well so i was hoping to cure the problem without her knowing
and i think i have managed that

i didnt want to leave jack
he has given me flump again ^^
im seeing him this weekend as dad is decorating my parents bedroom this time
so i will be escaping once again
its been a nice break and i think i needed to get out for a bit
im just tired now

when i got home i sat with my Ozwald straight away
mum says hes been a bit sulky which he usually is when im not there
i will sit with him again tonight

i checked my emails and i still have no work

tomorrow i will start my jacket hopefully
but i want to do some dancing or something
as i havent done any and im missing it! 

dad doing DIY = me escaping

Konbanwa

The bottom padded sheet on my bed tore yesterday
its 2" thick and filled with goose feather
it helps a lot
and now it has a 10cm tear in it, just from age...
so we took it off my bed as it was getting stabbed by feather XD
so last night was my first night without it
my god what a difference that topper makes!
i kept losing circulation so i had to keep tossing and turning :/
i didnt sleep very well

this morning me and mum went and did a few errands
which made life feel a little bit normal
we went got medication and post office
just everywhere takes much longer as theres skeleton staff and sometimes only letting 1 - 2 people in a store at a time
not that we are short for time right now!
i got back and we went for a walk
then i had a shower
i could not be arsed to dance or do yoga!

i had lunch and tried to sleep on my bed but it found it hard to get comfy
i did drop off for an hour
i could have started my jacket but i really wasnt feeling it to be honest
like i didnt have the right mindset to do it

instead i did about 40mins dance practice in my room
got really hot, did my physio exercises
had a brew with Oz and i was still sweating
so i went for my second shower of the day and a cold shower at that
i could feel the water was cold against my hot face
god knows why i was so damn hot

afterwards i sat and worked on the snorlax cross stitch
had dinner


my dad is repainting the spare room tomorrow
another reason why i was staying over at jacks tomorrow!
i can not cope with my dad doing any form of DIY
he stresses me out and it has lead to panic attacks in the past
he gets so stressed and yells a lot and swears a lot
there is like a cloud over the house when he does any DIY
now usually in the past i go out for the day somewhere
be that a friends house, or just to the shops!
but with the current situation i cant do those things
so jack said i could stay over
great
but i knew my dad cant help himself everything has to be done NOW
so i said to mum "he will be starting this at 7am you know"
she said "no im gonna take him out with me to go fetch some bread and milk"
so i kinda thought 'ok good ill have time to dance and move my art supplies from the spare room'
but as it goes he announced he will not be fetching food and will be making a prompt start...
and i thought to myself "he will be clearing the room tonight not the morning"
i go upstairs and see areas masking taped already....
so i txted jack "i know you have online dungeons and dragons tonight but please can i stay over tonight?!" he said i could but that he couldnt skip out on gaming - which i didnt want or expect him to. So I will be going over there shortly
i started moving MY stuff out the spare room into my room as dad is never careful with anything and i didnt want him touching my stuff he'd only damage it and show no remorse. 
as i started he came upstairs, started taking down curtains and other stuff
mum had a go saying "why you doing this now!?" 
i knew it, just knew it.
everything has to be done yesterday with him
its only a tiny bloody room as well! 
so i currently have my stuff and a load of other stuff in my bedroom
i can not move!
im stressed and have a headache
i could feel my blood pressure rising as he was getting involved
thank god im out the way
but mum says she will have my room back to normal for when i come home
which i think will be monday
he will be finished tomorrow but i want some time away from these 4 walls

im taking my laptop and graphics tablet and switch to play on so it should be something to do
as i have tonight to entertain myself as jack has D&D online - as they cant play in person right now
and sunday night is his gaming night
so two night i need to entertain myself which is fine it doesnt bother me
its nice were so at ease and dont have to be joined at the hip
not sure what we will do over the weekend
very little we can do these days :/
he says hes brought plenty of treats to keep me happy ^^

oh and i ordered a new topper for my bed
but it wont be here for a few days
we decided to put my old one for now just so i can actually sleep
just might get stabbed XD

my nails this week

changed lolita girl

Evening~

Woke up loads last night
not sure why just did, a lot of the time its just to get comfy again
annoying

this morning my parents went out at 8:30am to do the weekly shop
so i sat alone in the living room watching a program mum suggested i watch
paul hollywood eats japan
it was quite good actually and when the next episode airs i will watch it
my brother watched the last half hour with me actually
then I did some yoga for a good half hour

went and played my switch in bed
i literally do a level at a time so i dont play for long like 20mins? if that
then i got to go for a walk with mum as it was predicted rain for the rest of the day
and im glad we got out when it did

i came back and had a shower then lunch
i painted my nails, theyre a cute gradient
then i fell asleep for an hour
i woke up to the door bell
it was my blanket i want to make my jacket from :3 

i sat doing some of snorlax cross stitch but i wasnt really feeling it 
i am on the last colour now tho
its just his biggest part - face and belly XD
i did 20mins of dancing but stopped as i was sweaty and didnt want another shower

after dinner i spoke to jack
im seeing him at the weekend and i hope he trims his beard or else i aint going near him
looks thick and itchy >< i told him that XD
we talked what we would do over the weekend and what meals we would eat
looking forward to a change of scenery it just wont come quick enough!
then i continued with my drawing
i havent done it for days as i wasnt happy with her outfit, but knew if i changed her outfit i would have to change colour schemes but i stuck with it and changed her
shes much cuter now

thats what we are gonna go with i think, the last one wasnt very good

tomorrow
probably exercise, and start my jacket, i can do snorlax cross stitch whenever
chris got back to me and he is sending me work shortly so i have got to make the most of freedom
and i will probably get my stuff ready to take to jack's
as he says i can go over at 11am saturday morning
after we have both done our workouts XD

Pokemon Cross stitch!

Evening~

I got off to sleep so fast last night
but woke myself up at 11:45pm by dreaming I was a wolf, in a fight with another wolf, i went to bite the throat of the other wolf - the killing blow i guess ^^"
and i woke myself up by clamping my teeth together really hard
thank god my tongue wasnt between my teeth....dear god that would have been awful
but it left me awake and sweating >.>
i got up for a wee and a stretch and went back to bed and got off to sleep
strangely 

this morning me and mum went out for a quick walk 
it had rained all day yesterday but wasnt raining this morning
when we got back we cleaned pets out and good job too as it slung it down for hours afterwards!
i did 30 mins of yoga and felt so much better for a stretch 
i hadnt been doing any yoga due to my hands being so bruised from clay making on sunday
but theyre doing a lot better today ^^
then i went for a shower

i got my green frame in the post today ^^
so i started on bulbasaur and got him finished
ta-da~~~

they look good right :3 im pleased with them
i played disgaea in bed and read in bed fell asleep in bed
spent quite a few hours in my bed today
it was pouring down out there

i didnt have any work today
i even emailed chris - cus jack told me to - to see if he has any work for me
i feel bad not doing anything but i have an idea of some work i could maybe do
but i might run it by jack this weekend

after dinner i sat with my brother watching an artist on his ipad
we were both amazed
wish i had painting skill...
then as it had stopped raining and the sun was out, i went for a 20min walk by myself
cus i felt i needed the air 
i came back and gonna sit with Oz and stuff
feels like it has been a really long day today
like i have done 2 days in 1

didnt get snorlax finished im on his tummy and face and paws....but no rush
probably get it finished tomorrow
i havent done anymore drawing ether
i need to tho

my brother has asked if i will cut his hair...due to none of us being able to get a hair cut

tomorrow I will do snorlax and drawing
unless stuff to make my jacket comes
as i received the ribbon today
just need the blanket and i could get started! you watch that will be the last thing to arrive XD

brother is home

Evening~~

I didnt sleep well
ended up getting up at 1:45am as I just felt so sick and kept bringing up bile
i went downstairs for a biscuit and hot chocolate which did help a bit
went back to bed 2:30am and probably took me half hour to actually sleep
woke up at 9am not wanting to get up really

me and mum went for a walk in the drizzle
felt good to get out as i was a bit stiff this morning
i came back and my brother came back about 10mins later
so we talked to him a little bit
then i did half hour of dance and felt better for doing that but i was so sweaty
had a shower and played on my switch in bed for a bit whilst cuddling flump
speaking of which jack said he got the picture i drew of the girl in the pumpkin bikini
said it made him laugh and smile so it did its job :) 
wonder if i will do any more pictures for him
i later fell asleep with flump
i woke up and 10mins later i had my telephone appointment with the pain clinic
ugh
we spoke about how stuff has been and what my life was like before the lock down
as last time i had an appointment was november
i told her how i was feeling and stuff and she said it was understandable and she gave me stuff to do and work on. she asked about my medication and i was honest with her, she told me off for overdosing and i got the whole thing about it not being good for my stomach and can give me liver function problems etc i listened and i will try and behave

my hot chocolate came in the post today its a bloody beast im well impressed
i sent a photo of it to jack he said it looked well good
well got my money's worth there i have to say

its rained pretty much all day
so pets have been inside but i did boot Oz out for 10mins this evening for a wee and stretch
as when i sit with him on the sofa during the day
he literally sit, licks me, grooms himself, sits a bit more. and he gets stiff XD

i made a template for my jacket and sorted out a few bits for it from my stashes 
i caught up with my brother which lead to a few play fights which was nice XD
i think he is happy to be home, he did come home a lil upset as he didnt want to leave her
bless him he really loves his girlfriend X3

i worked on my snorlax cross stitch some more
its coming along alright
watched another keyakizaka46 live 
so done a fair bit today
oh and i was able to check my work email today as well - i felt strong enough to do that
not that i had anything of importance on there!

tonight i need to do my physio exercises >.> damn it
really cant be arsed but its been a few days so i should do it!
oh and last night i finished a dance and started another one
id like to have a recap tonight if i have any energy left over
but im pretty knackered to be honest!

tomorrow probably snorlax cross stitch, clean Oz out, do anything else i wanna do
havent done any drawing for a few days cus i have been doing other bits instead so i guess i could do that if i wanted to

designed my 2020 jacket

Evening~~

I got a few hours of sleep last night
kept waking up to get comfy again >.>

this morning I went for a walk with mum
same old really
it was so much cooler today tho

i got back and went to bed, i was in pain and tired and its what i felt like doing really
when i got up i had my lunch
i wasnt in the mood for a shower but motivated me XD
i did feel better for having a shower

i sat and designed my jacket so i could order my bits and pieces for it
which was my next job on ebay
i spent £17 which is probably £5 more than i usually spend when it
comes to making jackets, but its because im having to buy online instead of shops :/
i should be grateful i can even get stuff

after that i took photos of snorlax
i then put another keyakizaka46 concert on whilst i did some of the snorlax cross stitch
i have half hour left on the concert so i will watch that tomorrow whilst cross stitching
ive done the outline of snorlax and the claws thats it
should be good when its done tho

i told jack i was struggling and that sometimes i cant even open my emails and stuff
he rang me up which was nice
and i felt lighter after i had spoken to him
i told him im a bit crazy half the time and that i feel close to breaking point
even after i confessed that i could feel my voice breaking
i wasnt prepared to talk anymore about it as i would have cried
and i refused to cry
so i talked about something else

tonight might do a bit of dancing
lately i have struggled to learn dances, like its just not happening but i think its my mind set at the moment but i will keep trying

we heard from my brother today 
he says hes ready to come home, he went over to his girlfriends family home on tuesday
so hes almost had a week there now
we think he will come home tomorrow or wednesday
place your bets XD
im going over to jack's this weekend :) 

tomorrow 
probably exercise, snorlax cross stitch and anything else
havent done any digital drawing for a few days now

baby blanket done

Evening

I got about 4 hours sleep last night
was tired, achy and very noisy in my head!
I got up at 7:30am as I had had enough of being in bed I needed out!

I got up and did 45mins of yoga
my body felt so stiff for some reason
i had breakfast
then went into my room for a bit
i was putting off the day i know i was
mum said she was taking dad out for a walk and to go do some dancing whilst she was out
she was right but i found it hard to motivate myself
i did however and achieved 30mins of dancing, i was sweaty and it was a real effort i have to say
i went for a shower
i was also putting off making the snorlax from clay i said i was going to do today
i think i did every other job but actually get started on it!

in the end i stopped putting off the day
and sat for 5 hours (with a few breaks) and made a snorlax from clay
he must weigh about 500g and about £20 worth of clay
he is a beast
no other word for it
i am pleased with it i guess especially as its probably been the hardest and most ambitious thing i have made with clay to date
i will photograph it tomorrow
in the mean time here is photo of the baby blanket i finished~

i spoke to jack
it was good to speak to him
he is on day 3 of doing exercises and he says he hurts XD finally knows what exercises is and the pain that follows bless him
good to speak to him
seeing him next saturday which should be good
he is missing me
i told i havent had any work through yet, he threatened to give me some >.>
i told him i wouldnt come over if he gave me homework XD

i ordered some hot chocolate online as i have got a shortage going off and i like it in the middle of the night, but the shop wont be open for some time cus of the virus so i ordered online, i didnt get quite what i wanted and was a little bit more money but hey if it helps
then mum said "you do realise there was a tub of it at the back of the cupboard?"...
no i did not, past Jo had stocked up and i had forgotten! but still it will get drank
whittards hot chocolate is amazing, i dont settle for less

i looked for jackets on the internet too
as i am gonna sell the ones i made which will leave me with no homemade jacket
i have got a design in mind but none of the stuff in
so i will need to sit down tomorrow and fully design it and order what i need
i want a red and black jacket
i just cant switch off its gone past 8pm and my head says to design but i need chill out time
so i will go chill out with Oz and my switch 
god i hope i sleep tonight im so god damn tired

tomorrow i have my cross stitch to do
i was gonna go post office but turns out it is shut tomorrow
i will design and order
take photos of snorlax 
and exercise