Evening~
Despite all that I had going off yesterday
I did in fact sleep! i think I was just that dead!
i slept from 11pm til 6am
I got up at 8am and mum whizzed off to the shops
so i sorted the girls out which made a change
then I did 50mins of yoga + physio exercises
i did the exercises whilst watching the anime Charlotte which is ok i guess
mum got back and after sorting the shopping out we went for a 45min walk
i had a shower
this afternoon i was working on my picture for work
as i hadnt had any work come through so jack said just do art for the prep room
and i did pretty well
i got the cake done, well it needs a bit of editing in photoshop but i think it looks alright
it will get there
i showed it jack and he liked it :)
he rang me up on facebook actually to say that his feather mattress protector had arrived today!
what good luck is that! the night im going over and it arrives ^^ that will make my life soooo much better i tell you. i said id give him a hand putting it on when i come over
my phone still isnt working
someone has pinched my number, my phone is dead, my contract has ended
but the network still hasnt gotten in touch with us :/
i just want it sorted but god knows when that will happen cus of bank holiday tomorrow and the weekend. dad says i might be better off switching companies but because ive been with them 10 years i get a reduced fee so thats the only reason i have stayed with them. apart from that they are crap.
id change company but id end up with an expensive bill. and phones dont mean a lot to me. so i dont want to waste my money on that.
ether way i have stopped them taking money from me
i just want it sorted tho
so im going over to jack's with no phone
but mum and jack have each other's numbers so theres contact
ive spent time with my Ozwald today
ether with our usual cups of tea or outside
make him happy before i go over to jacks
i finished my snorlax cross stitch i think it looks alright :)
i will photograph it.
coming home on sunday
as dad is decorating my parents bedroom tomorrow and i need to be out the way unless i want to slash my wrists and have a million panic attacks!
evening
Despite having a lovely fluffy bed i couldnt sleep
just couldnt switch off
and ended up scratching myself to death
so i got up at 1am and stayed up for an hour
slept til 6am then just kinda snoozed til 8am
this morning i went out with mum for paint for her bedroom to be repainted on friday
i waited in the car so to keep me away from germs
i had my phone on me and it popped up with it being disconnected
so those weird txt messages i got monday did mean something after all...crap
after a walk with mum i got home and showed my brother
he basically said someone has got hold of my number and cancelled my contract
for what purpose, i cam still trying to learn
but my brother says sometimes its a way of scamming people out of money
my network said cus ive terminated the contract early i have to pay the access of my phone off
£186...
just what is going off!?
i couldnt cope and was on the verge of a panic attack
i cried
i was tired, i didnt understand, i hadnt done anything, and as the contract is still in my dads name - it involves dad...
my brother kindly rang up on my dads behalf
and someone from the fraud team is suppose to ring us up well today or tomorrow but seeing as its 8pm im guessing it will be tomorrow
i couldnt cope at all
i took myself away and sat in a ball
just silently crying
mum came to me and said it would get sorted
dad came home and my mum and brother filled him in as i couldnt even face doing that
he advised i check my bank account and stop any money going to the network in case they tried to take the outstanding £186
i have no idea why this has happened. why me? i cant handle this crap
so im hoping so badly it gets sorted tomorrow as i cant cope and i want sleep
tonight i doubt im gonna sleep with this looming over me
mum says i look shattered
i managed to have some soup at 2pm
my stomach felt twisted in a 100 knots
then i kinda thought "nothing more i can do right now"
so i went into the garden with mum and Oz
she was gardening and Oz was 'assisting'
i decided to do bare feet yoga for the first time this year
it was so hot out too and i always enjoy bare foot yoga
Oz kept coming and licking my face or my feet....
he was rolling in the soil mum had turned it was cute
we were all warm tho and sweating
i did chill out a bit and mum has reassured me we will get it sorted
i came in and played on my switch as i havent done that for a few days now
just needed chill out time
i painted my nails too
i made myself a sandwich for dinner as i didnt feel like much
then i went into my room to draw and zone out
i cant seem to get on with the second lolita girl i drew so ive started a fresh one
its going well so far
i do all my best art work when im in a down mood
honestly the art i have whipped out when im upset is loads better than my usual stuff XD
but i like this girl shes coming along well :)
tonight god knows how the night will go
i feel sick now like i have done all day but i ache
so do i take more pain killers and feel even more sick or deal with pain?
tomorrow
well i hope my phone gets sorted
and im having a normal day at home then im going over to jack's in the evening hopefully
as dad is decorating on friday so im gonna be gone for that
Evening
It was nice to be in my own bed
i like sleeping next to jack course i do, but his bed is awful
mine was much needed and i think i got 9-10 hours sleep!
i cant remember the last time i slept so well!
whats more is my new feather mattress cover has arrived!
and oh my god its sooooo padded!!!!! mine was so thin i didnt realise
i wish i had brought a new one ages ago!
so its on my bed ready for a test sleep
when i was at jack's he saw practically crying in pain on his bed
so he said we would order a mattress topper too if it will help me
so hes got one coming for his bed :3 that will be a total godsend i tell you
this morning i got up so late is was like 9:30am
i did 20 mins of dancing then went for a walk with mum
came home and showered
i was gonna do some stretches but i havent done them
i am due to my physio exercises. it is 8:50pm i should do them
after lunch
i cut my brother's hair...
i have never done this!
i have cut my fringe loads, i have cut jack's hair several times
i felt somewhat confident and got on with it
he has it long on top like 2 or 3 inches then shaved round the sides
and i think ive done quite a good job actually
my brother and mum are impressed with it
so hes lucky hes had a hair cut lucky him
i didnt mind doing it for him
in the afternoon
i started my jacket
i wasnt thrilled when i unpackaged the blanket
it felt thinner quality to what im used to and i noticed it - stretched -
do not like working with stretch fabric :/
but i continued on and cut the bodice
started sewing and it soon became apparent that this was not the material to work with
stretched too much and i thought by the time i come to attatching it together
its just gonna look so out of shape and the pile will be in all directions
so i threw the bodice away and put the rest of the blanket away to use as cushion cover backs
as thats all it is good for
i went online and throughly looked at blankets
i have ordered another, this is my last attempt
its hard not being able to buy them from shops, the shop i get them from usually is currently shut. it totally sucks! so last go and then i will just have to wait til the shops are open
annoying now as i have to wait for this blanket to come!
after dinner i died of stomach pains, i did yesterday as well
two days on the go i eat dinner then im in a ball as im in pain
like being kicked in the gut
so that wasted my evening cus i couldnt move
all my life it seems i am doomed to have stomach complaints
i hope tomorrow it doesnt happen
tomorrow
probably work on the snorlax cross stitch that still needs finishing
and drawing
looking forward to sleeping in my bed ^^
jack said he couldnt sleep last night he says he got used to having me in his bed XD
Evening
Tadaima~
I am home~~
Friday I left to go to jack's due to my dad redecorating on the saturday morning
He let me in, but then went straight back to D&D on his computer
so I sat catching up with Theo til jack had finished
it was good to see Theo
then the three of us talked for a bit and went to bed
i couldnt sleep really and ended up having a rather violent nightmare
jack said i was whimpering and almost crying he was gonna wake me as his attempts to sooth me in my sleep werent working, until i yelled out and woke myself up
i was having a nightmare with my other half, and she can't half dish out some punishment
so safe to say i couldnt sleep easily after that!
saturday
we had a lazy saturday really
we did a walk
we played switches
then over 5 hours was taken up with socialising!
as at 4pm jack's family wanted to talk to him
so we had a split screen of
jack's brother
jack's mum + sisters
jack's nan
then us 2
it was good fun to talk to them as i havent spoken to them in quite a while
and they all seemed to be doing well
we spoke for an hour and a half
then we had dinner
then we signed into another video talk
with jack's school friends - the hogwarts crew i call them
they were all having a drink and chatting
it was good i really enjoyed it
and i kept robbing bits of jack's gin & lemonade
thinking it might help me to sleep
we stayed up chatting til midnight
they all still make fun of jack and ask me why i go out with him XD
they all make fun of one another, but its funny
they like my innocence as well it seems
but i never feel uncomfortable or left out when im with them
i do feel 'one of the lads' somehow this has happened XD
we signed out and went to bed
jack had had a few drinks so was pretty ready for bed
i on the other hand could not get comfy and was in a lot of pain
i told him i was getting up for a bit
he was gonna join me but i couldnt see the point in us both being tired
so i left him in bed and joined him at 2:30am
i had tried to get comfy in the living room but wasnt happening
so that was another rough night
sunday we got up and jack showed me a few exercises he does
and theo and jack got me to do a press up and after i did it, they had gone silent
i was like "what?" thinking 'was it bad? was my butt sticking up?'
but it turns out it was cus jack does 'girly' press ups he does them on his knees XD
i hadnt realised he was THAT weedy XD
so yeah i can out press up my boyfriend
then he did sit ups and i find that easy
so i was doing them next to him as she shakily came up and down
he was like "how you even doing that!? are you just moving your hips?"
i said "no im doing sit ups"
theo piped in "dont have ago jack, just cus shes got a core and you havent" XD
he looked quite deflated by the end of it all
he went to theo's weights and i did yoga as i wasnt prepared to hurt my joints with weights
we went for a walk later and made food and played switches
then he had his online gaming so i was theo whilst he was playing on his switch
then we sat talking to harvey and they were both disgusted that jack had chose games over me
but im fine with it doesnt bother me
theo considered himself babysitting me XD
that night i couldnt sleep, i tried til about 12:30 and said to jack i couldnt do it
i had put blanket on the mattress and i was wrapped in the dressing gown
but it wasnt enough
so for the 3rd night i had to sleep on top of the duvet wrapped in dressing gowns and blankets
jack started to join in but i told him he may as well sleep normally in the bed
he wouldnt hear it he wanted to be able to cuddle me so he too slept on top of the duvet
and i did eventually sleep but woke up so late...10:15am!
we went for a big walk and talked and stuff
it was overall a pretty relaxed weekend
we didnt do anything we said we would do as we just socialised instead or relaxed
it was what i needed actually
the only thing i didnt enjoy was that yesterday i realise i had forgotten my antidepressant....
just hadnt brought them from home...
so i havent had any since friday morning
i was very dizzy and unsteady on my feet and couldnt think straight
and wondered why
and when i was doing my medication it did look like i was one missing but couldnt work it out
so that would explain the nightmares on the first night as that has been the closest ive come to changing in 6months and my antidepressants do keep a lid on that
but i did feel ok mentally so i said to jack "maybe i dont need them, and i only feel a bit dizzy"
he didnt look convinced
but this afternoon after our walk i couldnt stop having cold sweats and was dizzy
so i think the withdrawal was rearing it's head
i came home at 5pm and took my medication
and i have stopped shaking and sweating luckily
as i didnt want to tell my mum "oh i havent had any antidepressants for 3 days" wouldnt have gone down well so i was hoping to cure the problem without her knowing
and i think i have managed that
i didnt want to leave jack
he has given me flump again ^^
im seeing him this weekend as dad is decorating my parents bedroom this time
so i will be escaping once again
its been a nice break and i think i needed to get out for a bit
im just tired now
when i got home i sat with my Ozwald straight away
mum says hes been a bit sulky which he usually is when im not there
i will sit with him again tonight
i checked my emails and i still have no work
tomorrow i will start my jacket hopefully
but i want to do some dancing or something
as i havent done any and im missing it!
Konbanwa
The bottom padded sheet on my bed tore yesterday
its 2" thick and filled with goose feather
it helps a lot
and now it has a 10cm tear in it, just from age...
so we took it off my bed as it was getting stabbed by feather XD
so last night was my first night without it
my god what a difference that topper makes!
i kept losing circulation so i had to keep tossing and turning :/
i didnt sleep very well
this morning me and mum went and did a few errands
which made life feel a little bit normal
we went got medication and post office
just everywhere takes much longer as theres skeleton staff and sometimes only letting 1 - 2 people in a store at a time
not that we are short for time right now!
i got back and we went for a walk
then i had a shower
i could not be arsed to dance or do yoga!
i had lunch and tried to sleep on my bed but it found it hard to get comfy
i did drop off for an hour
i could have started my jacket but i really wasnt feeling it to be honest
like i didnt have the right mindset to do it
instead i did about 40mins dance practice in my room
got really hot, did my physio exercises
had a brew with Oz and i was still sweating
so i went for my second shower of the day and a cold shower at that
i could feel the water was cold against my hot face
god knows why i was so damn hot
afterwards i sat and worked on the snorlax cross stitch
had dinner
my dad is repainting the spare room tomorrow
another reason why i was staying over at jacks tomorrow!
i can not cope with my dad doing any form of DIY
he stresses me out and it has lead to panic attacks in the past
he gets so stressed and yells a lot and swears a lot
there is like a cloud over the house when he does any DIY
now usually in the past i go out for the day somewhere
be that a friends house, or just to the shops!
but with the current situation i cant do those things
so jack said i could stay over
great
but i knew my dad cant help himself everything has to be done NOW
so i said to mum "he will be starting this at 7am you know"
she said "no im gonna take him out with me to go fetch some bread and milk"
so i kinda thought 'ok good ill have time to dance and move my art supplies from the spare room'
but as it goes he announced he will not be fetching food and will be making a prompt start...
and i thought to myself "he will be clearing the room tonight not the morning"
i go upstairs and see areas masking taped already....
so i txted jack "i know you have online dungeons and dragons tonight but please can i stay over tonight?!" he said i could but that he couldnt skip out on gaming - which i didnt want or expect him to. So I will be going over there shortly
i started moving MY stuff out the spare room into my room as dad is never careful with anything and i didnt want him touching my stuff he'd only damage it and show no remorse.
as i started he came upstairs, started taking down curtains and other stuff
mum had a go saying "why you doing this now!?"
i knew it, just knew it.
everything has to be done yesterday with him
its only a tiny bloody room as well!
so i currently have my stuff and a load of other stuff in my bedroom
i can not move!
im stressed and have a headache
i could feel my blood pressure rising as he was getting involved
thank god im out the way
but mum says she will have my room back to normal for when i come home
which i think will be monday
he will be finished tomorrow but i want some time away from these 4 walls
im taking my laptop and graphics tablet and switch to play on so it should be something to do
as i have tonight to entertain myself as jack has D&D online - as they cant play in person right now
and sunday night is his gaming night
so two night i need to entertain myself which is fine it doesnt bother me
its nice were so at ease and dont have to be joined at the hip
not sure what we will do over the weekend
very little we can do these days :/
he says hes brought plenty of treats to keep me happy ^^
oh and i ordered a new topper for my bed
but it wont be here for a few days
we decided to put my old one for now just so i can actually sleep
just might get stabbed XD
my nails this week
Evening~
Woke up loads last night
not sure why just did, a lot of the time its just to get comfy again
annoying
this morning my parents went out at 8:30am to do the weekly shop
so i sat alone in the living room watching a program mum suggested i watch
paul hollywood eats japan
it was quite good actually and when the next episode airs i will watch it
my brother watched the last half hour with me actually
then I did some yoga for a good half hour
went and played my switch in bed
i literally do a level at a time so i dont play for long like 20mins? if that
then i got to go for a walk with mum as it was predicted rain for the rest of the day
and im glad we got out when it did
i came back and had a shower then lunch
i painted my nails, theyre a cute gradient
then i fell asleep for an hour
i woke up to the door bell
it was my blanket i want to make my jacket from :3
i sat doing some of snorlax cross stitch but i wasnt really feeling it
i am on the last colour now tho
its just his biggest part - face and belly XD
i did 20mins of dancing but stopped as i was sweaty and didnt want another shower
after dinner i spoke to jack
im seeing him at the weekend and i hope he trims his beard or else i aint going near him
looks thick and itchy >< i told him that XD
we talked what we would do over the weekend and what meals we would eat
looking forward to a change of scenery it just wont come quick enough!
then i continued with my drawing
i havent done it for days as i wasnt happy with her outfit, but knew if i changed her outfit i would have to change colour schemes but i stuck with it and changed her
shes much cuter now
thats what we are gonna go with i think, the last one wasnt very good
tomorrow
probably exercise, and start my jacket, i can do snorlax cross stitch whenever
chris got back to me and he is sending me work shortly so i have got to make the most of freedom
and i will probably get my stuff ready to take to jack's
as he says i can go over at 11am saturday morning
after we have both done our workouts XD
Evening~
I got off to sleep so fast last night
but woke myself up at 11:45pm by dreaming I was a wolf, in a fight with another wolf, i went to bite the throat of the other wolf - the killing blow i guess ^^"
and i woke myself up by clamping my teeth together really hard
thank god my tongue wasnt between my teeth....dear god that would have been awful
but it left me awake and sweating >.>
i got up for a wee and a stretch and went back to bed and got off to sleep
strangely
this morning me and mum went out for a quick walk
it had rained all day yesterday but wasnt raining this morning
when we got back we cleaned pets out and good job too as it slung it down for hours afterwards!
i did 30 mins of yoga and felt so much better for a stretch
i hadnt been doing any yoga due to my hands being so bruised from clay making on sunday
but theyre doing a lot better today ^^
then i went for a shower
i got my green frame in the post today ^^
so i started on bulbasaur and got him finished
ta-da~~~
they look good right :3 im pleased with them
i played disgaea in bed and read in bed fell asleep in bed
spent quite a few hours in my bed today
it was pouring down out there
i didnt have any work today
i even emailed chris - cus jack told me to - to see if he has any work for me
i feel bad not doing anything but i have an idea of some work i could maybe do
but i might run it by jack this weekend
after dinner i sat with my brother watching an artist on his ipad
we were both amazed
wish i had painting skill...
then as it had stopped raining and the sun was out, i went for a 20min walk by myself
cus i felt i needed the air
i came back and gonna sit with Oz and stuff
feels like it has been a really long day today
like i have done 2 days in 1
didnt get snorlax finished im on his tummy and face and paws....but no rush
probably get it finished tomorrow
i havent done anymore drawing ether
i need to tho
my brother has asked if i will cut his hair...due to none of us being able to get a hair cut
tomorrow I will do snorlax and drawing
unless stuff to make my jacket comes
as i received the ribbon today
just need the blanket and i could get started! you watch that will be the last thing to arrive XD
