long day of putting stuff off

 Evening

I slept pretty ok, it did take me a while to get off to sleep simply because my mind was telling me how fat I was just for taking a day off exercise. I did eventually sleep but woke up at 6am and got up at 6:30am as my alarm was set for 6:45am anyway and I was getting fed up of waiting for it to go off

Did not want to get up but we both did

I had breakfast and got all ready to go out and picked mum at 7:30am

I drove us to the hospital and dropped her off, I read a chapter of the boo Jack lent me in the car and then went to pick mum up once she summoned me

she said that luckily we can drop the heart recorder thing off anytime tomorrow it doesnt have to be 8am again ^^ I dropped her off home so she could go to work. I came home and had a brew and a biscuit

then god knows what I did all morning, I went to bed at some point

felt pretty flat all day really been in bed a couple of times too

been putting off doing my drawers but got the painting done they just need varnishing now. I literally threw paint at them in the end and I actually like how they turned out as they are messy XD

they are gonna take some drying tho before I can varnish....

Dinner and lunch was easy so not really had to cook today but did make biscuits cus I ate all of them today XD

I have found an hour long video with the grow with jo channel its 4.5 miles and I think I am gonna tackle that tonight but putting it off XD I will get it done ><

need to do some digital drawing too

just putting off everything TT^TT dont know whats up with me

but I will get stuff done I guess

tomorrow

gonna drop that thing off at the hospital with mummy

then she said she would help do some gardening with us 

got drawers to do but dont think they will be dry

so yeah just see how the day goes

went to the city centre and looking and toddler stuff

 Evening

I couldnt sleep, I ached A LOT from doing that workout + usual aches

Jack was almost crushing my also >.> jerk XD So I got up to overdose and eat a cookie and stayed up til 1am. I fell asleep then.

I woke up at 7:45am to find Jack awake, we got up and got ready to go out!

We did in fact go the city centre today, we were there for 9:20am and it was so quiet

like corona has killed the shopping industry in my opinion. No one around

also no one wearing masks like hardly anyone. Truly corona is over >.> idiots

So we shopped round for like 3 hours without a break T^T I was so tired and achy

I got new gold earrings ^^ some cucumber body wash, christmas presents, and just other bits and pieces, nothing special to be honest. We looked round the oriental supermarket and I looked at all sorts of ingrediants, we picked up some cheap noodles for Jack and big bottles of soy sauce that was the same price I pay for diddy bottles in the supermarket! other stuff I wanted to try you had to consume within 7 days and I knew it wouldnt all get used :/ 

I didnt think about my anxiety - as I never do. But I was actually really good today, didnt need the inhaler and I was alright to be honest. Its a win ^^

We got home at 12:20 and I pretty much ate and laid on my bed for an hour I didnt sleep tho, I just needed time to rest as I was quite dead at this point

When i got up I found Jack outside weeding with Oz who was enjoying the company, Oz loves gardening XD so I kept them both company for a bit then went to mum's for a cup of tea. I sat with her for a couple of hours, sat with the girls for a bit too which was nice :) 

I came home and did dinner

Then had a shower, now just on my laptop looking at children's stuff. Me and my friend are gonna send each other stuff. She lives in Tokyo with her husband and 2 year old and I thought it would be nice to send some children's clothes and books :) Feels weird looking at kids stuff as I dont think I have ever had to buy for a toddler before! 

Now I might do some drawing, it aint gonna do it's self. Ive just been helping my cousin with patchwork. she wants to make a quilt. so I was helping her with instructions and did the math for her too :) if she lives closed id happily teach her. I hope she is successful but I dont think she quite appreciates the sheer work and neatness required to make a quilt. I kept suggesting to practice first or start small like a cushion cover, but no ^^;

tomorrow

gotta get up at like 6:45am at the latest as I need to take mummy to the hospital. She just needs something hooked up to her heart for 24 hours. They cant seem to lower her blood pressure and shes not over weight or smokes and hardly drinks. I said I would take her but yeah not looking forward to it. Not sure what i will do the rest of the day. I guess get on with my drawers as theyre just sitting next to me unfinished ><

I have had a day off from exercising as I did like 3 hours of walking this morning and I did a lot yesterday so I feel I should rest my body. Yet in doing this my mind has condemned me as being chronically overweight TT^TT it is not fair. One rest day and I have no end of thoughts about how much weight I will put on because of this. But I know even if I gave in and did some exercise it probably wont make the noise go away so I am not gonna fall for it! Im gonna have a hot chocolate later too, balls to it.

did 80min work out

 Evening

I slept pretty well last night, it was nice to go to bed with Jack again :)

I woke up at 8:20am and got up straight away despite my achy muscles protesting against such acts of cruelty 

Got all ready to go with a cute outfit and scoffed breakfast to try get out the house for 9am

for Jack to turn round at 9:10am and say "yeah my stomach isnt good. I dont trust that Im gonna be ok"

he had off stomach after food last night, we both had stomach ache from it laying heavy but Jack kept having to go to the toilet. Looks like it continued through to the morning. I mean my stomach was unhappy and noisy and I had to use the toilet twice but Jack ended up going 3 times in the morning

so it was probably for the best that we didnt go out

however I was slightly peeved that I had rushed, got ready THEN found out

so I got undressed into comfy clothes and did some work on my drawers, started a digital drawing

wrote my list of things to do, changed the bed, made biscuits, ordered skin care

and just felt flat really. Didnt want to waste my day but felt so unmotivated as well

I had lunch then went to bed, I wasnt even particularly tired I just didnt want to be awake and have to think or watch time go by.

I got up and hour later and Jack tried to give me attention but I didnt want to talk. I told him I just felt flat and stuff. He said to maybe do some dancing as I said I wondered if I just needed to get the energy flowing.

So he left the living room, I brought my laptop through and got up the 'grow with jo' 5 mile video! It was 80mins long and I did it with weights attached to my arms and legs~ It was alright, I was running out of energy on the last 20mins if I am honest. But kept with it and kept the weights on. I was sweaty but not out of breath.

I announced to Jack I had done my work out and when he came downstairs I told him what I did and he was impressed. He made me a cup of tea and it was amazing

We then prepped for the stew tomorrow morning and then I did dinner which was ramen~

I then had a much needed bath, noodles makes me sweat as youre sat with a broth and it makes you very warm! So I didnt want to wash to only sweat again

Then I sat with a face sheet on which had been in the fridge! it was so cold to put on my face ><

Now its 7:45pm not sure what to do I know I should be ether painting my drawers or doing digital art but all I want to do is go to bed ><

Jack is gaming with harvey and theo but said he will come off before 10pm so we can watch anime and go to bed together :) literally the only time we have seen each other today has been for food

so tomorrow

i bloody hope we go to the city centre. I wanna go out. I know my muscles are gonna hurt like a bitch tomorrow XD

massive spider at 9am

 KOnbawan

It was nice to watch Inuyasha finally with Jack and go to bed with him

we had both missed our routine~

I actually slept well and had another dream of being a pirate. Lost count how many pirate dreams I have had now!

My morning started with my mum sending me a photo of a glass with a HUGE mammoth of spider in it. Saying she had caught it by the front door whilst screaming at it ^^; to be honest she did doing that much by herself as usually she has left the premises just by one look at it. But she txt saying the glass was half on the front door mat and half off so she knew if the spider wanted to - it could get out 

however she was off to work in 5mins so I rang her she was like "I dont ask you to do much but will you please get rid of this!!!" So I got dressed, skipped my hair and skin care and got over ASAP so that the spider didnt have time to get away. He was still there when I arrived. Mum had left

it was a big bugger, could see its fangs, its legs must have been 4mm thick, which for a UK spider is massive. It was just huge. So I swiped it up on to the rug and got card under the glass and took the big bugger outside and even when it ran out on the grass it looked huge. Usually they look bigger in the house than on the lawn. I rang mum, again, to confirm it had gone. She was VERY happy XD

This morning I did a bit of painting on my drawers I started doing the strawberries but to be honest I am not sure if i like them that much I am not sure if to just to one side of the drawers and to see what it looks like before i commit to the whole thing you know

Jack did an hour of gardening whilst Oz just watched him XD

I felt grouchy and tired despite sleeping well, I mean my muscles did hurt from wearing leg and arm weights doing that 3mile video yesterday but I dont see why that is good enough reason to go to bed. I was grouchy and was seeing mum for shopping after lunch she was looking forward to it and so was I it would be wrong to be grouchy for her. So I had an hour's sleep against my will but Jack said to go to bed XD

When I got up we had lunch then I went out with mum

we just went TK MAXX

i did pick up a load of stuff but at the end I put half back

I came away with 2 new outdoor door mats, as we only had what came with house and they were old and gross. I got one with a black cat on and one with a pumpkin on :3

I got black trousers like street style for Jack

face cream for Jack

a new hair brush as my scalp is so sensitive that not only can not tie my hair up still (even in the heat of summer) that my  hair brush is hurting me, So i brought a softer one and i have tried it tonight but it doesnt feel like it goes all the way through my hair. The bristles arent long enough. However it is softer. but it does not work for me as a hair brush so I will still look for another one

pyjamas for me along with a dressing gown that zips up!!! mum said "so thats you sorted for winter, we wont get you out of that will we" she asked if this meant I would be returning Jack's dressing gown to him but I said NO

she came in for a brew after shopping as she needed to talk to me about a few things

namely i have to get up and take her hospital friday and thursday at 7:30am 

Dinner time was Okonomiyaki time~

my god that was not easy

just was difficult, made lots of washing up and it was soooooo stodgy cus I guess youre eating a big pancake and it laid heavy on both our stomachs and we both said we wouldnt be bothered about having it again. I was relieved by this

I had to lay on the bed for 45mins, jack laid with me after he washed up

then I did a 30min walk/dance video by the same 'grow with jo' youtuber, it was ok but not difficult. I did it with weights on again and was aching by the end of it

then had a bath

tomorrow

we are off to the city centre as last week I was too exhausted to the bottom end and so we said we would return another day. So we're doing that. going in the morning and be back for lunch

hopefully my anxiety wont be as bad as last time, but still going and doing it

His night was a success

 Evening

So last night I was alone whilst Jack went out with the lads

for the record I was invited but knew it wasnt for me

I sat with Oz for a bit then did my nails and made Jack a bed on the sofa and then put the lamp from the craft room into the hall so Jack would be able to see when he came in

I went to bed at 10pm~

I fell asleep and woke up at 1am for a wee

fell asleep and then woke up at 2am to the sound of Jack coming in

I listened to see how things were and he sounded ok so I dropped off to sleep like 5mins after he came in XD next thing I knew it was 8:15am

I got up and got bacon on and made a coffee and woke Jack up with my offerings

he was very very grateful and sat quietly but said he was ok

I then had my own breakfast 

I motivated Jack into coming shopping and we got the job done~

He was actually ok but I drove

He was quite done in all morning, he helped chop stuff up for my soup, I cleaned the bathroom whilst my soup cooked then we sat down for lunch

I went for a good 90min sleep and turns out he did the same

he has done literally nothing all day but i guess thats hangover for you - wouldnt know as never been hungover before

I have pretty much left him to it all day and done my own thing, feel like we've had the day apart in a way. But he was no fun and I knew he wouldnt want me round him if hes feeling like that

so I did the second coat on my drawers which are looking alright, they need strawberries painting on them now :3 

I did dinner 

then after dinner I did a 3 mile walk thing on youtube never done it before. its 47mins long. I did it. with weights attached to my arms and legs. I was sweating but not out of breath. It was ok but I was disappointed that at 22min mark it was basically the same routine mirrored :/ so dont know if i would do it again but the person does another one so I might try that in the hope its not another mirrored video.

Had a bath and Jack had it after me

trying to leave Oz out for as long as I can as hes had to play inside several times today as it has hammered it down allllll day. 

I was gonna do some drawing but its 9pm and I am tired ><

tomorrow I am going out to TK MAXX with mum after lunch thats it

probably paint my drawers and do drawing. Get Jack doing something as hes sat on his ass all day

I am glad the night out worked tho. He said he was hit on by two girls and one guy XD but he had his birthday top on from me 'don't fuckle with shuckle' with a picture of shuckle on it. He said he had loads of compliments on it XD Theo was annoyed that Jack was getting attention from woman and he wasnt XD Jack said he turned down drinks so he wouldnt get stupidly drunk and sick. But did have chips and kebab meat coming home. He left with Harvey and Brandon as the last club they went in - rock city - was rammed and they didnt feel comfortable. So he was sensible and was fine sleeping on the sofa. I was fine sleeping in bed by myself - on his side as it smells on him X3

i ended up having to take last nights nail varnish off >.> I got that covered in paint from doing my drawers that it got all over my nails and didnt want to part with the nail varnish so I has smudgy beige nails T^T

Jack's night out

 Evening

Last night I stayed up - by myself - til 10:30pm whilst Jack gamed

I went to go to bed but spotted big spiders in the bedroom T^T so I had to get Jack who sucked em up in the hoover, no messing. He tucked me up in bed ^^

But could I sleep? I ached and was also being told 1000 times how fat I was

despite doing 15mins of yoga before bed so I didnt feel like a fat lay about, it did not help

I was condemned as being overweight etc. I couldnt sleep

Jack came to bed at midnight and I told him how stuff was, he cuddled me and said if I needed to get up then we could get up. And I did need to get up

We went to make hot chocolates but disturbed 4 spiders having a party in our kitchen...seriously!?

and they were big. All the spiders in the evening had been big

so at 12:30 Jack was hoovering up spiders >.> bloody things

we had hot chocolate, I had an overdose and then went to bed at 1am T^T

I got up at 5am for a massive wee and fell back to sleep again

next thing I knew it was 10am......we were suppose to set off to Jack's mum's at 9-9:30am!!

I woke up to Jack next to me reading his phone and I said "seriously!?"

he said "yeah but dont worry. I woke up at 9am, got Oz and told my mum were up late hoovering spiders and you didnt sleep well so didnt want to wake you"

must say I was happy that I hadnt got to go over and pretend to be alive and well in front of others

I struggled to wake up I was quite groggy after all the pain killers ^^; Im only suppose to take 2 at night and I had taken 5......im alive ^^;

I wasnt sure what to do now, my plans had changed

we decided to go to B&M but the one near us not near Jack's mum's

and we were so quick doing that

I came back and cleaned Oz out, he helped, and nudged my bum as a thanks >.> men

We had lunch then I did some painting, painted the outside of my drawers the first coat. Took half hour

then I did a 40 min work out so hopefully that will keep some fat thoughts at bay. I went for a bath then Jack had the bath, we had a quick brew then did dinner which was amazing

Jack then drove to Harveys, I kicked him out the car and drove off. I was in my pyjamas 

I came home and grabbed Oz then we went to mums for 90mins. It was just mum for 45mins which was nice. I saw dad and gave him chocolate as thanks for doing my car. He says I dont owe him anything but I still want to pay for the parts which was just new break pads.

I saw my brother just as he came home, had a quick cuddle of the girls then scooped Oz up who had been quite giddy about playing in the garden and we came home.

Ive now set up Jack's bed for the night which is the sofa but I have made it nice and got him all the things he may want in the night like a drink etc.

hes out with friends tonight, the first time since we've moved here. He hasnt had a night out. He kept asking over and over "you sure? I can not go" I was like "yes its fine! stop asking me! im a big girl!" he just worries but I will be fine and I get the bed all to myself~ he insists on sleeping on the sofa

I have no clue what time he will actually be home but Im sure he is fine.

I am gonna leave a little cloud night on for him in the hall so he can see, Ive told him to wake me if he feels sick as I dont want him being sick on the carpets. I will drop him a txt saying the doors are locked and ive made his bed up

got Oz to sit with yet. Bet hes tired bunny X3 ran around a lot at mums bless him.

tomorrow, I plan on getting up and making Jack a bacon sandwich, not out of love or pity for the hangover. No no. I need him to push the trolley round the supermarket and pack it all up. I have no time for hangovers I need the shopping done XD he knows this and has accepted his fate. The bacon sandwich is a surprise tho :3 I will make him a mocha too~

so tomorrow just food shopping, clean bathroom, make my soup for the week and probably do the second coat  on the drawers~

I hope my Jack is ok and has a nice night

does feel weird to be home alone tho and knowing hes not home when I go to bed will be weird. Just hope I can sleep ><

exhausted from massage, Jack has a night out tomorrow

 Evening

After sending the picture to my brother, he said he thought it was really good and should get it printed. But I feel I still need to look at it a few more days before I commit to getting it printed

It took a while to sleep as Jack was up gaming, kinda woke when he came to bed but dropped off. I whacked him on his chest with my hand when he was snoring - think I half did it in my sleep - he has been saying to wake him if hes snoring. It did the trick but he didnt actually wake up....how? So I asked him this morning and he doesnt remember it. HOW DEEP DOES THAT GUY SLEEP!? jesus

I woke up at 8am and got up for Oz and had breakfast by myself

I got Jack up at just before 9am. He had come to bed at midnight.

I thought I was ok when I first got up this morning. Didnt feel like I had been in a car accident anyway. But as the morning went on I felt more and more like death. Wrote the day off and sulked in bed

but Jack came ot ift my spirits and got me to write a to do list even if it was small or had little things on. So I put on it "small walk" "see mum" "make biscuits" so I felt like I was achieving something with my day. I basically dont cope with 'rest days' To not have to go anywhere or have no chores to do and to just REST its hard for me accept. But apparently rest is just as important >.> 

I had lunch with Jack and then did a short walk with mum which was nice

I laid on my bed all afternoon as soon as I got home, thinking about art and stuff. I heard jack say to theo (online) "going to have a break as Jo will want a cup of tea and fruit loaf around now" this was at 4:15pm and it certainly got me out of bed XD

I did my biscuits and did dinner which was just pizza and leftovers then I went for a bath and then did some painting. After my bath the doorbell went as I was getting dressed. My brother and mum had kindly brought my car over ^^ I had remembered but then forgot and went for a bath >< they surprised me with it. I would have only thought about it when I next needed it XD

My painting sucks

if I can not revive it tomorrow then it goes straight in da bin~~~~

We got a picture of Oz going through his new tube ^^

we've had to have him in a few times today as it just keeps raining but when its rains, it rains...and my pudding of a rabbit just happily sits out in it!!!! Hes still a bit damp but thats because he then plays in the wet plants >.> Jack keeps grooming him

Im going to bed again by myself T^T Jack is gaming again with theo. Missing watching anime with him and having hot chocolate. Our bedtime routine basically. But I know we have all the time in the world to do that. The holidays are only so long and perfect time to stay up. Gotta suck it up and get on with it. he says he can just not game and come bed but Im a big girl im ok.

tomorrow

were setting off to jack's mum's in the morning. Originally his Nan was gonna be there and hes not seen her in over a year but we've just found out that shes asked not to come over as theres gonna be storms in her city so doesnt want anyone driving in it. Which is fair enough. So I asked Jack the question "so why we still going over?" he said "good point! but we can just go for a couple of hours" we have the excuse of lunch and my meds needed, so we can come away for lunch. Dont wanna sit there hours as its not gonna help me. It will be ok

then god knows what I will do tomorrow

but we are gonna eat early as im taking Jack over to Harveys, hes having a night out!!! his first night out this year! Hes still not sure how comfortable he feels and said he will just come home if he doesnt like whats going off. Its starting at Harvey's with harvey and theo. Then theres going to a different town to a friends house for a bigger gathering of people, then it will be the city centre from there. Its then Jack will assess how happy he feels. But we checked night buses and things and he can get home at the latest of 3:15am. He said he will take the sofa. So I will make the sofa up for him. I told him he can come to bed but he says he doesnt want to disturb me. says he might stink of kebab and snore badly so will just stay on the sofa

ether way im getting him up sunday morning for our weekly shop. he knows this XD

im sure I will be fine by myself. I can always go to my family's house for a bit if I want to