Up til midnight on a school night damn it

 Evening

So last night, like every night, I stick to a schedule so I know what time I need to be in the bath/shower so Jack has enough to wash too. Sit down and watch an episode of anime and be in bed for 9pm give or take 10mins. However I did not factor in that Jack was gonna spend half an hour on the toilet. I swear he is just there reading his phone >.> 

anyway by time he came out the shower and got dressed and stuff it was 9:05. So I got ready for bed and he was like "dont wanna watch anime?" I said "I get stressed if I am late to bed then I dont sleep, I didnt know you were gonna spend so long on the toilet. Its too late now its already gone 9pm it will be almost 10 by the time were both in bed"

so we went to bed like that. I struggled to get off. I think I fell asleep for half hour, got up for a wee at 10:45pm and then that was it. I was in pain with my back - still - and I ended up getting up for pain killers and I could tell things werent good. So i went to wake Jack up as he always tells me to wake him if I can't sleep so I did but it was such a challenge. He sleeps worryingly deep.

we were up til after midnight. I felt sick with taking over double my pain killers. I ate fruit loaf and we both had a hot chocolate. I still struggled to sleep but because of how much medication I took I did sleep deep...I woke up feeling a bit hungover. Overdoses always makes me feel hungover. I had a bad headache and felt sick.

I still went to school despite just wanting to sleep instead of getting up at 6am to put our stew on T^T

School wasn't too bad but Jack was a bit flat today for some reason. Im guessing hes tired but yeah he said he just felt flat and couldnt be bothered with the day which all isnt like him. I said to him to maybe have a drink after work as hes not had a drink since halloween party so almost 2 weeks ago

I got my day done, practicals worked well and I was able to do some painting

Julia was upset tho this morning, her brother had died in the night she said she hadnt slept a wink as she knew from the nurses it was gonna be that night. Bless her. I was so surprised she came in.

We came home and Jack made me a tea and he had a double whisky.....ok Jack you do what you need to do ^^; wasnt expecting him to have it as we got through the door XD but it did relax him he said

we did dinner and I slept for half hour after dinner. We actually didnt have Oz in after it went dark as I had soon discovered I hadnt locked his side door up today so he has been playing in garage all day = Oz hasnt eaten all day. He can get back into his cage he just chooses not to >.> So I put him home to eat. I got him out after my work out and made Jack sit with him for some bunny therapy now I am with him. So hes only had an hour of our time today and I feel a bit bad. I will have him in longer tomorrow as I have missed him to be honest. But I knew he would be constantly hungry. Hes happy bun anyway

its 8:25pm and Jack is out the shower. So we have time for anime today!

tomorrow is school

I really need to ring for an eye test too ><

goodies at work ^^

 Evening

I didnt sleep well last night. Got up for not one, but two wees!! T^T whats wrong with me!?

So I felt tired this morning and felt sick as well. Not a great start to my day

also very scatter brained and got distracted easily

However, a lot happened in my morning

I had the report come through from my meeting on friday, I sent it chris who then took everything off my desk to get to my computer and put my desktop thing on the floor and gave me a new monitor. I later found out it was going to be his monitor...he said "you have the best monitor in the school"...I felt bad but then I knew he would only buy himself another one, if not better XD

He also went through the different settings on the computer and I can change the colour of my screen with a free software its amazing. But I will need to take it off if I am using photoshop etc. But its really handy for those of us with dyslexia I was impressed! 

I was also sent through my voucher for my free eye test and glasses

I was struggling today tho so Jack broke down my jobs for me and stuff. I was just very all over the place mentally and stuff.

I got the day done, 10mins before leaving I checked my emails to see there was an email saying my foot stool is in reception!! Its amazing!!! It rocks and you can adjust it, but the fact it rocks means i can keep moving whilst sitting, something I like to do. I am so happy with it. Kinda want one for home now! So I feel like I have had goodies today at work, all for being a spaz XD

we got home and saw mum for a cup of tea and she brought over my parcels and documents I need to do more of my ADHD form >.> 

We did dinner, then after dinner we prepped food for tomorrow as its stew day tomorrow so we do that before school. 

I did a work out then had a bath, its gotten to 9pm and Jack has just come out the bath >.> not sure I want to watch anime - given the time. So I might just get ready for bed. Im so tired and I didnt sleep well. Going to bed late makes me stressed about sleeping then I dont sleep well. Which is what happened last night and it was only 9:20pm when I was in bed!!! we would probably get into to bed 9:45pm if we watch anime

wanna go bed 

tomorrow is school and I dont think I have any practicals again!

gives me time to catch up with myself~

just another busy monday

 Evening

I managed to be in bed for 9pm ^^ I slept pretty well but got up for the traditional  wee

I felt fine about school when I was home, but the closer we got to the school gates the more my anxiety built until I felt sick....

My morning was pretty busy to be honest

and I was struggling to cope with noise, like any little noise - a key board, coughing, talking, high heels. It was like my hearing had been tuned up to high sensitive. I didnt even have a headache. it was making not able to think. I was getting stressed out and Jack suggested I put my headphones on which actually made things better

i got my email about the assessment and it was all in green! so thoughtful, ive never had an email in green.

i was quite done in after work, we came home and had fruit loaf and tea

we brought oz in at 5pm and just put him home and its almost 9pm

he had a good time inside and i discovered he had made a mess of bottom so we had that clear up bless him

tomorrow is school

actually started some painted O:

 Evening

I didnt sleep too bad~ I managed to put Oz home at 9pm as the fireworks had died down a lot. So once he was in bed I did my nails then went to bed myself

I got up for a wee at 11:30pm and found Jack reading his phone, I took some pain killers as I had bad back ache - which I have had since friday - and went back to sleep

I woke up at 7am....7 again!!! But its still a good amount of sleep so I can't complain too much

i had breakfast by myself again, I went to get my clothes from the bedroom but when I walked in, Jack woke up so I had company from 8am XD

I didnt really want to do my shopping but got on with it, and cus we couldnt get witch hazel from there we had to drive to boots, wait 15mins for the shop to open, find the witch hazel and get the hell outta there. I was really annoyed as it was wasting MY time buying witch hazel for school. But its all going down on my time sheet~ I will soon amount those hours up. 

We got home and unpacked and had a tea cake and brew with Oz. Oz again hasnt played out much today. Not sure why. I think its bothering him having work men on the roof of the neighbour behind us. Its unsettling him.

We did my soup and I cooked my meat for the week. had lunch then I went to bed for an hour, I didnt want to but was tired. When Jack came in to me I thought it was only 10mins later but he was like "no youve had your hour" wow, where did that go? So I got up and did some actual ART yes art! I forgot what art was. I started painting my canvas, its going ok. i mean I have no idea what the purpose of this canvas is but Jack said it doesnt need a purpose if I enjoyed it.

We did a walk together which was nice then came in for a cup of tea and then did some more painting, did the dinner, then after dinner I had a bath right away as Jack is gaming with the guys at 7pm so I wanted him ready for then. I did some more painting, also brought Mia a christmas present online so that is a good result. I was struggling what to do for her.

Now it's 7:45pm and I am unsure what to do really, im too tired to do much. My painting is too wet to do any more. Got to have Oz inside. I would like to be in bed for 9pm. I can go to bed whenever as Jack is gaming. 

since 3pm my body has been shaky, I thought it was cus I was hungry. So I ate fruit loaf with my brew and didnt feel any better. I felt sick and thought id feel better for dinner but no. I soon accepted what it is....anxiety. I feel sick and shaky with anxiety...what I am anxious about god knows!!! Its very frustrating being anxious and not knowing what your anxious about >.> I think its because of school as what else could it be!? I told Jack and stuff and he said he would get me through the day. I know he will. I just hate this feeling. So I plan on taking a lot of medication tonight to zonk me out so I dont have to be up all night with thoughts....

tomorrow is school anyway

actually started some art

 Evening

I eventually took Oz home at 9:30pm as the fireworks had died back and Oz was just constantly hungry >.> I cant keep up with that bunny

I then had a hot chocolate by myself and went to bed at 10:15pm. I got up for a wee but apart from that I did sleep til 7:15am, I left Jack sleeping for an hour as I wasnt sure what time he had come to bed. He said it had gone midnight...they had all gotten carried away >.> honestly

So this morning I had breakfast alone, woke Jack up then cleaned Ozwald out, cleaned the bathroom, did my homework. I felt quite tired this morning to be honest and I kept flopping on the bed time to time. I also made some biscuits

We had lunch and I went to bed for an hour which annoyed me as I did all my chores in the morning so my afternoon could be set aside for art. My sleep was encroaching on my art time!! But my eyes were so heavy, I knew what needed to be done

when I got up I went on my laptop and did the background on my canvas.

Me and Jack went for a walk but we got a bit rained on :/

we came in and had a cup of tea and then I laid on my bed til dinner time, I brought Oz inside at 5pm. I did dinner then had a bath. Then sat with Oz as Jack had gone to play with harvey and theo. So its just me and the lad. I drew the outline on my canvas as it has dried. I would like to start painting it tomorrow. I am gonna do my nails tonight, so I have had a little bit of creativity I guess.

its 8:15pm and the fire works are still going. Theyre not as full on as yesterday I dont think. Although it has picked up in this last half hour >.> bet it will die back again around 9pm

Then I will take the lad home and have a hot chocolate to myself and do my nails and go to bed

tomorrow

weekly foodshop, come back and cook my lunches for the week and my breakfasts too. Then I would like to do some art!!!

Each year I hate bonfire night

 Pyo~n

I didnt sleep too bad last night

But woke up tired and achy T^T was not a good start to my day I have to say. I didnt want to go to school! School was full on it was hurting me to stand after a while. 

I had had enough and ended up taking tablets and having my lunch 20mins early. I just needed to take a break and Jack was fine with an even warmed my soup up for me ^^

I had my 'working desk' assessment. Someone comes to assess my working area and any extra needs I might need. The guy was so kind, I didnt qualify for a free eye test but the guy is gonna source me a voucher for one! Hes getting me a foot rest so I will sit at my desk in a normal posture XD I always sit cross legged. He is also printing off any online training so I dont have to sit there for hours to do it. From now on its gonna be printed on green paper, I can read at my own leisure and on the floor. It went really well, I thought it was just a box ticking exercise for the occupational health.

On our way home we went to the range for a few bits. I got a new canvas and some paint. Jack got treats.

We came and had a cup of tea with mum. I was beyond exhausted and in a lot of pain but thought I best see mum as we wouldnt see each other til tuesday

she wa slike "what you doing this weekend?"

I said "nothing. Im not going out anywhere or seeing anyone"

she was like "o..k..." 

sick of pleasing people I want some ME time

I brought Oz in at 5pm as it was dark, by 5:10pm I heard the first fire work. Its now 9:30pm and it hasnt actually stopped yet. 7-8pm was awful tho, like a war out there.

Ive had Oz in this entire time. Hes been fed plenty.....so hungry all the time. Hes had lots of fuss. I made a den for him which he has loved. Anime hasnt stopped playing since 5:15pm, i put Chobits on and left it playing through, just so hes not listening to the fireworks. But he seems quite chill. Mum says she has the pigs inside and they seem a bit quiet. 

I do hate bonfire night

2 reasons

1 - how I do wish Guy Fawkes had been successful in blowing up parliment all those years ago

2 - all those animals - wild and domestic - how frightened they are. I also despise all those owners who sod all their pets to go enjoy themselves. I just hate it

fireworks should be silent

in fact a 30min drive away - near my school - theres a silent fireworks display. This should be the way forward, the modern way to enjoy fireworks. But thats wishful thinking

also, given how much fireworks have been let off....SOMEONE HAS SOME BLOODY MONEY! like jesus, they aint cheap.

Tomorrow will be the same again, it is dying back now. I suppose some people have children to put to bed or just get too cold. 

Tomorrow

do a few chores, got a bit of homework, hopefully do some art

I havent done any exercise today which I feel guilty about but I am so exhausted and I have had Oz in and its hard to exercise with him in. He thinks youre playing XD jack is upstairs playing with harvey and theo. Im gonna have a hot chocolate by myself~

yesterday didnt repeat its self sadly

 Evening

ahhhh I got up for 2 sodding wees last night >.> it is so annoying! I also have no idea why I have been needing to get up for a wee like every single damn night. I havent started drinking more. Where is it coming from!?

I woke up feeling a bit tired and achy this morning, so sadly, I didnt feel as good as I did yesterday T^T

I felt anxious about school but got on with it

School was BUSY, sweet jesus. I was rushed off my feet but got a good sit with my brew

I had my biology lesson which was about microscopes and I found it really quite boring! There was also an activity on anagrams. Well dyslexic me stands a chance against the huh! I have NEVER been able to do them or wordsearches so I had an attempt and much to my surprise I got just under half of them ^^ trust me - thats good for me!

I had to clear  up practicals straight afterwards, I was just exhausted by it all. I told Jack that I needed easy jobs now so he said I could paint if I wanted to and I was actually in the mood to finish my minecraft rabbit. I did almost get it finished and its looking better as I thought it looked really quite crap! But its because I dont have the luxury of spending hours on it and I have poor quality paints and brushes! 

I got home and had a cup of tea with mum, my brother rang her whilst she was over to say he was home from his interview. My brother had his first interview in almost 3 years! He is after another job and he said it went really well. He will be told soon if he gets part 2 of the interview next friday. Fingers crossed. I really hope it goes well for him!

we did dinner, whilst having Oz inside again and we had dinner with him. Its too dark and cold for him to play out after 5pm so I think him coming in and having dinner with us will just be a routine thing now bless him.  He enjoys it as its extra attention and warmth.

After dinner I did a 25min work out. The video was 35min long but I didnt want to push my body as I was already using weights during the work out. I didnt want to wake up crippled in the morning.

I had a bath, now I am just with Oz in the living room whilst Jack has a bath and gets into pyjamas. The usual routine really~ And get into bed around 9pm XD poor Jack. when I first met him 2 years ago his bedtime was midnight....he now has to go bed 3 hours earlier. But I give him the choice of going bed later but he chooses to join me. Unless he decides to game with friends

tomorrow is work

friday thank bloody god

I might pop into the range after work as its on the way home and I dont really want to go saturday morning, I just wrote a list of a few things id buy from there to see if it was worth calling in and I think it is. I want a canvas as I feel like attempting some art work

It is also bonfire night a.k.a guy fawkes night. Not a night I particularly like

id like it better if fireworks were silent. We like them for their lights not noise. So many animals art frightened its horrible. So like every year since I was 13 (when I had my first bunny) I will be staying inside with Oz alllll evening. Until it dies down a bit. hes not too bad usually with fireworks actually but there tends to be a lot on bonfire night and it falls on a friday too this year so I can guarantee there will be shed loads on friday AND saturday. So both night Oz will be in. Jack has chosen to stay in with us.