Hardly any maths after all!!!!

 Evening

gods sake to say I even took medicated sleeping tablets, did I sleep!? did I bob. I fell asleep quick but I didnt remain asleep T^T I need rhino tranquiliser to put me out >.>

I woke up just before my alarm at 6:15am and thought "normally on insec days we dont need to be in til 8:30am not 7:50am so I woke Jack up and said this. We laid in bed together til 7am which was nice. Jack says I fell asleep on him and drooled as well on him! I have no dignity T^T

I didnt want to go school but it was nice wearing non-uniform

The school day was actually ok. But because no one wanted to work they kept coming to talk to us and it was exhausting me having 20-30min conversations. Looking healthy and well, giving my best energy. I was about done in! I had lunch by myself as Jack had his in cafe as it was free. I could have brought mine down to eat with him but I find the cafe stressing 

I got a lot of my jobs done but I did run out of energy and didnt get it all done

I took some boxes home and dropped them off at mum's. It was nice finishing at 3:05 not 3:50 so we've had a bit more time today at least

Jack took my biology test home and soon realised there wasnt even that much math on there, and certainly none at HIS level. So he wrote a couple of practice questions. I got them both wrong but I know what I did wrong and understood it. Unlike yesterday...Im gonna hopefully have more time tonight to revise. Then I have exercise to do. I plan on doing just dance again with weights as I really quite enjoyed that.

I have Oz inside with me, brought him in around 3 hours ago, hes a pain, always wanting fuss and food XD I will put him away after my revision so I can play just dance without tripping on him. Jack says he might or might not come bed with me but will watch anime with me. He came to bed with me last night as he couldnt be bothered to go on his PC

tomorrow is school

first day of not having Julia AND lessons.....not gonna be pretty.....

Feel like crap and my confidence in my science work is at an all time low

 Evening

I still got up for 2 wees in the night, its so annoying. I slept til 7:15am apart from that.

I got up with Jack and we had breakfast together.

I then got some actual free time to myself to do a bit of painting which was nice

we did our weekly food shop which I was not in the mood for at all but we got it done

we came home and unpacked and had tea cake and tea with Ozwald. He knows the routine XD

Then we did soup, whilst it was cooking I planted grass seeds in a patch that I didnt get round to doing. It only took me just under half hour but my god if I thought I had back before I certainly had back afterwards. Sweet jesus it hurt T^T but luckily it didnt hurt too much after my just dance with weights from last night - really thought I was gonna hurt from that one 0.0

So I had my lunch and went to bed and just dozed, I couldnt fall asleep as I was in too much pain. It it soul destroying when you try and escape pain that pain keeps you awake. Its like never ending torture.

I got up as my parents were coming round, we are looking after dad's motorbike for a week as they need to garage space so he brought that round. Mum had a quick fuss of Oz, he came running to her when she called him which was sweet. They didnt stay as I didnt want dad to stay.

I then suggested to do a walk with Jack as the sun was actually out so we did a half hour walk which killed me off.

We came in and I had fruit loaf and tea

then we sat for an hour together doing some biology revision

I cried

pure and simple I broke down crying

I can't do this

I am not good at maths in the slightest. 

how does anyone do maths in science? what the hell is standard form? significant figures? converting? and the way he naturally does it too it even more depressing. Its like we are just adding 2 and 2. i couldnt do it and still cant do it. When he thought about it he was like "yeah maybe I am doing A-level maths with you"

just maybe!? it was freakin' university level!! it was horrendous 

Its put my confidence to the floor

its flat as a pancake

how I am gonna pass this test on thursday I have no idea TT^TT

he said hes gonna look at my test, see what I am tested on - and the LEVEL

i think he was doing level 10 when I am like level 4

I left it after an hour as I felt like crap about myself. he was sorry.

I finished off my canvas after that ordeal! needed something good in my life to say the least

its ok, i mean its nothing fantastic and I dont know what I will do with it ether :/ 

I did dinner and decided against my first decision, to make some more biscuits

however I totally made up the recipe! didnt look at any recipe or weigh anything! just see how it turned out, wanted to try and make them 'healthier' so they have hardly any butter in or sugar and more oats and egg. a few chocolate chips and I shall see tomorrow what they taste like or might try tonight

I am now in the living room with my boys. I feel like death. I want to cry. I am so low and tired. Think thats what it is - just constant tiredness and pain. I havent escaped it all weekend all week. Now I have work in the morning and Julia is off all week too so we need to cover for her and its going to be exhausting to say the least. I just want to find a hole to die in if I am honest

tonight I am taking medicated sleeping tablets as I just want rest I want sleep and proper deep sleep at that. I need to recharge

so yeah its work tomorrow

its also insec day so im off timetable, Jack has given me a shed load of jobs and I get to wear non-uniform. The only good thing is that I have an easy dinner to cook~

OUR HOUSE 1ST ANNIVERSARY!

 Evening

I made it into bed at 8:45pm and woke up at 11pm to find Jack beside me. I had chronic aches so I got up with him, had a biscuit and pain killers. I woke up at 6:45am with such a dry mouth I could barely shut my mouth so I had no choice but to get up T^T

Before going over to see mum at 11am I had

cleaned Oz out

Cleaned the bathroom top to bottom

done some admin work

done the shopping list

30mins of painting

put some of the stuff away mum had brought over of mine

I was knackered!

I went over to mums for a cup of tea and a sow sit which was nice. We talked about various things and I saw dad for 2mins then went home for my lunch at 12:45pm

I had lunch then went to bed til 3:45pm as I just needed to rest my body

When I woke up I had fruit loaf and tea with jack then I continued with putting my stuff away. I got it all done and then did dinner

after dinner I went on just dance for 35mins with weights attached to my arms and legs

my god my arms were burning! I was still managing to get my usual scores. I was doing really well and sweating buckets I enjoyed it but Jack told me to maybe call it quits and brought me the inhaler ^^; thats how much I got into it XD

I had a bath and now I am just with my two boys in my living room

I said thank you to mum for housing us a year ago. I cant believe we have had the house a year! so much has changed in it. It certainly feels like home now. I am happy here. I wasnt happy when I first moved in here but I am now. We have made it a home and I hope we are happy here many more years to come~

tomorrow

got food shop, soup to cook and meat to cook as well

I have got to do some revision whether I like it or not! i might plant some grass seeds maybe. Who knows I might have time to do some of my painting

I am gonna have some hot chocolate now whilst watching anime, then paint my nails and go bed. Jack says he will watch anime with me but he might go game late by himself which is fine. I just literally cant stay up my eyes get too heavy

I hope I sleep today, I have had A LOT of pain killers today I hope it makes me sleep....

this week has finished me off

 Evening

despite sleeping well last night (got up for the 1am wee of course) I woke up feeling knackered. What a great start to my day. I felt exhausted. Its just work. Working and looking after myself and the house is sheer shattering. 

We got to work and I swear I spent more time on my mat on the floor than I did working today. So frustrating and boring but I was just exhausted and rubbing my eyes, yawning. I felt like I weighed twice as much. I couldnt wait for the day to finish.

Once we finished up I got home, drank a quick brew and shoved fruit loaf down me and went for a walk with mum. Even tho I felt done in I thought I would do my exercise and see her. I didnt have so much of a rush today as Jack didnt have gaming so there was no rush to get him showered and fed for 6:30pm. Instead he has decided to game with harvey and theo tonight so thats fine. Mum needed the walk she just ranted and ranted. She had kept a lot in.

She had also been busy by bringing over shed loads of my stuff today what was left in my old bedroom.

she did so well. I now have  A LOT  of stuff to go through and sort.....sweet jesus

I did dinner, then had a bath. The whole time I got home Oz was inside bless him. I just took him home at 8pm. I was sat with him whilst he snored in a tube

I am gonna go to bed in a minute yes its only 8:15pm but my god I am done. my eyes feel like theyre drooping to my mouth

I have wrote this weekend off tho

free time for Jo is a no go

I am seeing mum at 11am tomorrow for a brew and sow sit then coming home for lunch

I have revision to do

sort out my stuff or some of it

admin work

usual chores

plant grass seeds

yup no time for me~

I might have a look at next weekend if I can have free time

ahhh free time I remember that TT^TT

so yeah tomorrow will be rest and crap basically cus I have no life! I work, die, and do chores~ 

but its an anniversary tomorrow

we would have had the house 1 whole year!

made almost £20

 evening

I did sleep better last night, I was in bed for 9:15pm, I had back ache but did manage to get to sleep and got up for the 1am wee~

I did feel tired this morning, just tired from work and being in pain I guess. Does get to me at times

Jack keeps me going

We got to school and Julia was still upset about her brother passing away on monday night and told us shes taking a week off school. She doesnt care if its paid or not but shes going up to her parents house to support them as her 90 year old father has not taken the passing of his son well. We said this is all fine and we will cover her next week. Poor Julia tho its not nice seeing her so upset....Next week is gonna be tough....

I didnt have a lot of practicals today luckily so I was able to play catch up and not run myself to the floor

However I did have my biology lesson today and that was quite hard going. It was quite mathy and I suck at maths. I felt done in after that lesson. I did get all the work done. I had to pick my chin up off the floor as I saw the last thing put on the board.....test next week....seriously!!? another test!? sweet jesus I gotta get revising T^T Life is cruel

We came home and mummy was kind enough to give me a portion of the spag bol she made for her dinner tonight as I had forgotten to get leftovers  out my freezer. I probably could have tried the defrost setting on the microwave but she said my brother wasnt in for dinner anyway so there was a portion going. Just good timing and stuff really. She sat with us and Oz who couldnt play out due to the rain so hes been in for 4 hours straight XD Im gonna go take him home in a min

mum left and we had dinner

I did yoga with Oz, he wasnt invited but he felt he needed to come nudge me, lick me and hop under me. Its bunny yoga at its finest. I dont mind and its cute. He did a few stretches round me almost like he was joining it was very cute

I had a bath and made hot to soak my back that just constantly aches

now im gonna take Oz home and we will watch anime and go bed

tomorrow is school and thank god its friday!

I totalled up how much I have made on Redbubble since joining. and its almost £20! twenty quid from posting up art that would otherwise sit in a folder on my laptop! My most popular print is this one the ninetails

https://www.redbubble.com/i/art-print/Ninetails-by-LunatiqueDesign/36443561.1G4ZT

im surprised how much ive made

Up til midnight on a school night damn it

 Evening

So last night, like every night, I stick to a schedule so I know what time I need to be in the bath/shower so Jack has enough to wash too. Sit down and watch an episode of anime and be in bed for 9pm give or take 10mins. However I did not factor in that Jack was gonna spend half an hour on the toilet. I swear he is just there reading his phone >.> 

anyway by time he came out the shower and got dressed and stuff it was 9:05. So I got ready for bed and he was like "dont wanna watch anime?" I said "I get stressed if I am late to bed then I dont sleep, I didnt know you were gonna spend so long on the toilet. Its too late now its already gone 9pm it will be almost 10 by the time were both in bed"

so we went to bed like that. I struggled to get off. I think I fell asleep for half hour, got up for a wee at 10:45pm and then that was it. I was in pain with my back - still - and I ended up getting up for pain killers and I could tell things werent good. So i went to wake Jack up as he always tells me to wake him if I can't sleep so I did but it was such a challenge. He sleeps worryingly deep.

we were up til after midnight. I felt sick with taking over double my pain killers. I ate fruit loaf and we both had a hot chocolate. I still struggled to sleep but because of how much medication I took I did sleep deep...I woke up feeling a bit hungover. Overdoses always makes me feel hungover. I had a bad headache and felt sick.

I still went to school despite just wanting to sleep instead of getting up at 6am to put our stew on T^T

School wasn't too bad but Jack was a bit flat today for some reason. Im guessing hes tired but yeah he said he just felt flat and couldnt be bothered with the day which all isnt like him. I said to him to maybe have a drink after work as hes not had a drink since halloween party so almost 2 weeks ago

I got my day done, practicals worked well and I was able to do some painting

Julia was upset tho this morning, her brother had died in the night she said she hadnt slept a wink as she knew from the nurses it was gonna be that night. Bless her. I was so surprised she came in.

We came home and Jack made me a tea and he had a double whisky.....ok Jack you do what you need to do ^^; wasnt expecting him to have it as we got through the door XD but it did relax him he said

we did dinner and I slept for half hour after dinner. We actually didnt have Oz in after it went dark as I had soon discovered I hadnt locked his side door up today so he has been playing in garage all day = Oz hasnt eaten all day. He can get back into his cage he just chooses not to >.> So I put him home to eat. I got him out after my work out and made Jack sit with him for some bunny therapy now I am with him. So hes only had an hour of our time today and I feel a bit bad. I will have him in longer tomorrow as I have missed him to be honest. But I knew he would be constantly hungry. Hes happy bun anyway

its 8:25pm and Jack is out the shower. So we have time for anime today!

tomorrow is school

I really need to ring for an eye test too ><

goodies at work ^^

 Evening

I didnt sleep well last night. Got up for not one, but two wees!! T^T whats wrong with me!?

So I felt tired this morning and felt sick as well. Not a great start to my day

also very scatter brained and got distracted easily

However, a lot happened in my morning

I had the report come through from my meeting on friday, I sent it chris who then took everything off my desk to get to my computer and put my desktop thing on the floor and gave me a new monitor. I later found out it was going to be his monitor...he said "you have the best monitor in the school"...I felt bad but then I knew he would only buy himself another one, if not better XD

He also went through the different settings on the computer and I can change the colour of my screen with a free software its amazing. But I will need to take it off if I am using photoshop etc. But its really handy for those of us with dyslexia I was impressed! 

I was also sent through my voucher for my free eye test and glasses

I was struggling today tho so Jack broke down my jobs for me and stuff. I was just very all over the place mentally and stuff.

I got the day done, 10mins before leaving I checked my emails to see there was an email saying my foot stool is in reception!! Its amazing!!! It rocks and you can adjust it, but the fact it rocks means i can keep moving whilst sitting, something I like to do. I am so happy with it. Kinda want one for home now! So I feel like I have had goodies today at work, all for being a spaz XD

we got home and saw mum for a cup of tea and she brought over my parcels and documents I need to do more of my ADHD form >.> 

We did dinner, then after dinner we prepped food for tomorrow as its stew day tomorrow so we do that before school. 

I did a work out then had a bath, its gotten to 9pm and Jack has just come out the bath >.> not sure I want to watch anime - given the time. So I might just get ready for bed. Im so tired and I didnt sleep well. Going to bed late makes me stressed about sleeping then I dont sleep well. Which is what happened last night and it was only 9:20pm when I was in bed!!! we would probably get into to bed 9:45pm if we watch anime

wanna go bed 

tomorrow is school and I dont think I have any practicals again!

gives me time to catch up with myself~