World Book Day

Good Evening~~

I was cold again last night and the rain lashing against my window
woke me up a couple of times 
crummy weather

It took me ages to get ready this morning as it was World Book Day
and I was dressing up as Angelina Ballerina!! So make-up was difficult

But I think I did an ok job
I put my own spin on the character ^^
a lot of people said I was cute!

School was fun as everyone put 6 people were dressed up!
we had a lot of "where's wally?" characters XD and halloween costumes of course!
It started with an assembly then the child in my care went to the doctors so for an hour
of my morning I spent it listening to readers. Very easy
Then the child returned. We did some work and painted the hot air balloon too :) 
then it was home time really
so easy day

Came home ate lunch and went to bed!
Im so tired i think its cus im busy and its cold 
my head wont shut up about food its peeing me off no end
adam is fine with me. i would have seen him today had i not got yoga
so we're meeting on saturday :) cus he works 11 hours on fridays
jeez id hate to work that long!!!

tomorrow just last day at school in the morning
then afternoon me and mum are trying for the 3rd time to go out for lunch!!!!

My insecurities

Evening

It was another cold night and i was once again cold in bed
god knows why I didnt think to get an extra blanket -____- brain dead

I had school today and felt anxious about going
I told the TA in the classroom (she too has M.E.) and she put my worries to rest
We had P.E. first thing which was easy enough
then break then the child I was looking after became a bit hard work
I think she was tired actually. 
I came home and I was just shattered physically and mentally
not sure whats going on mentally

So I was suppose to meet with Adam after lunch
i txted to say 'I need to time to chill out from school before I come over'
He said 'you can chill out with me' i was keeping him in the dark how I felt really i was on my bed
reading and resting. I said 'I'll be over at 2pm'
well you'll never guess what happened next
i fell asleep didnt I...
Yep it 2:30pm when I woke
I woke to about 6 txt messages
I couldnt say sorry enough and thats when it kicked off...

he had a bit of go at me, which i gave back saying i wasnt happy about even needing a sleep and that id kept my illnesses away from him so not to trouble him and the first time i cause a bit of bother he has a go. I apologized of course i did. but he wasnt happy with me. So i put my phone in my draw and cried a lil cus i felt like "will anyone understand me?". Immature to put my phone away but with how I have been mentally I just couldnt face it. In all honestly my phone is still in the draw and its 9pm! anyway

mum came home and talked to me.

but she said to give adam time and to be more open cus he didnt know how i was feeling. its just me not wanting to let people down. i wasn't responding to adam cus i couldnt face it i thought he'd be really angry at me you know.

then the door bell goes

its adam with cake as he's walked 50mins to get to my house!

so we talked it out and it was all fine. i just find it hard to let people into my life i think. i dont like to trouble people.

he stayed a couple of hours then i took him home
but i felt so much better about it 
i think I would have been in real down mood for the rest of the night if he hadnt shown up
he'd given me cuddles and everything was forgiven and he told me what he wants to do together at the weekend and stuff. I just don't get how he doesnt dislike me

I havent done much since
cus im just shattered quite honestly
tomorrow it is 'World Book Day'
I am dressing up as Angelina Ballerina 
I plan to take a photo :D
Here were last week's nails not sure if I showed them or not 

 

22 Birthdays

Good Evening~~


Today is my brothers birthday!!! yay yay he turns 22 today!! :D
I've put up with him 22 years. scary! XD
He took the 'join the dots naughty positions' book I had brought and wrapped for him to college. He opened it there and had a laugh with people. One of his class mates was completing one, went to the teacher saying "ive finished one" the teacher laughed and said "whos is that?" "oh its not mine" "course it isnt" my brother recorded it all XD im glad he found it amusing in his day. 
I also gave him the two t-shirts i brought from manchester last year with mia and a scarf~
he liked his gifts :D mum made him some biscuits cus he prefers biscuits to cake DX 
I hope he manages to celebrate his birthday 
I think most he wants to do with us is a take away pizza on friday night

Man was I cold last night
I couldnt get to sleep once again. I was roasting as well
but I ended up cold and about 5 hours sleep
getting up at 7am to a freezing house was no something I enjoyed
I must have walked round the house tense and with a face on me XD

School I had a talk with the teacher about the child I provide care for
she wants the child to be more involved in the class which works for me
and I understand she still needs to be apart of her class but a lot of the time
i personally think she could be doing some more productive than on the carpet
with her class mates not understanding a thing whats being said
but its a fine line 
but today we did some painting, another layer of her hot air balloon
english and maths she got it all done today
apparently she was tired yesterday afternoon! i had tired her out!!!
She's 6 she should have more energy than me XD
I hope I can get it all right. I just keep doing my best

Got home and mum had soup on for me ^^
which was nice of her
Then we both went outside to clean our cars
cus my god my car!!! It has not been done this year
so I hoovered, polished the inside then washed the outside it looks much better
and hopefully when new freshener comes it will smell better too

Then I went for a walk with mum
came in and did some cross stitching whilst watching Jon Richardson  'how to survive the end of the world' which I had missed last week.
Then I went upstairs and made a pair of mouse ears for my cosplay on thursday
I have it all ready now :)

Now im trying to do some stretches and dances before shower
then sit with tiffs
Im feeling really anxious today im not sure whats gone off
seems to get worse if i think about adam which just puts me into doubt
normally if you like someone you should want to see em and be happy if you think of them right?
but today ive felt nothing but anxiety about it all. The anxiety has affected my head also so tonight im gonna take sleeping tablets as i have a strong feeling i aint gonna sleep tonight with my head a mess.
hopefully it will all be ok tomorrow
hate anxiety but i dont let it mess my day up!
I could quite easily not the leave the house tomorrow but as much as id like to do that i know id really hate myself for giving in and not going out.
so sod the anxiety 

Tomorrow I have school once again
and hopefully just to lunch time ^^
Then I think im seeing adam tomorrow at some point...? who knows! 

Im gonna wear this new hair tie/scrunchie i have 

it's based on Dedenne from Pokemon :D
I won it in a bid auction for £3.10 ^^ well happy
I havent worn it yet~

Cousin Gifts

Evening~~

I slept for 3 hours last night -_____-
could not believe my luck and it was monday morning too ><
I was dreading school asking me to stay for the whole day
luckily they didnt!

i got to school had tea and toast with the child
then we got some work done which was good for her actually
then I went on the hunt round the school for a balloon
seeing as their topic this term is ''transport'
i decided id make with her a 3D hot air balloon
as my luck would have it a child came into school randomly with a balloon
i asked the teacher and she said i could have it as the child wouldnt realize it was gone
i felt a bit awful but it was going to good use!
So I sat in the art room with her and did some paper mache which she loved and did
really well actually

then break and i actually got a bit of a break
next was programming....seriously. programming for 7 years old
why? just why? some of em cant even log into a computer!!!!
mental
and its gonna go beyond her understanding
but it ended up being a bit of game outside instead of being on a computer
but it was very cold and wet a lot of the kids were soaked
the child in my care was bored out her wits but the teacher wouldnt let her out it
we were taught by her teacher from last year and he is strick! it was a relief to have the usual
year 2 teacher back! 
then it was time for me to clock off. i did the paperwork i needed to
so good day at school
just got soaked coming home

i was frozen to my core after being stood outside for an hour then cycling
i came in, had cheese on toast and slept for 2 hours
I woke up and had a brew with mum and tiffs
then i went to karens and had hot stone massage!! its been well over a year since ive had hot stones
felt sooo good. makes you a lil nauseous but its fine

then tonight just done a bit of dancing and sorting stuff out
got stuff in mind to do at school tomorrow

here is gifts im gonna send to my cousin this week
with my first pay cheque from my new job i thought id treat her cus shes like my lil sis
so i brought her a A4 Gumi folder to put ether her uni work in or art work in general 

then a bracelet to wear when shes feeling low she can put it on and think of me knowing im thinking of her ^^ Gumi is her favourite character and the bracelet is from one her favourite animes Sword Art Online. I do hope she likes em

school again tomorrow~~~ 
would like to clean my car tomorrow! i ordered a new freshener for it

Bunny Thank You

Good Evening~~

Today i woke up at 8am needing a drink ><
I got up and stuff had a hot choc for 'breakfast'
im not really a fan of food today
Then I climbed back into bed ><
I fell asleep and got up at 11am

Adam txt to say he'd be ready to meet up at 1:30pm
which was fine with me cus it gave me time to finish the baby quilt :D
I did actually get it totally finished as well ^^
Then I picked him up.
I was just jumper and joggers no make-up
cus frankly i could not be bothered! I just NEEDED to rest today

We had a brew downstairs then
laid on my bed whilst talking he gave me plenty of cuddles and I feel like I use him
as a climbing frame haha the positions i get in whilst messing around with him
he kissed the top of head and my cheek several hundred times XD
We played on pokemon and I caught and Eevee :D a wild eevee! you used only be able to catch 
1 on the entire game on like red, yellow version

We came downstairs for another brew and sat in the living room where mum was and dad
was at the back on the computer so we talked to them i thought it would be best
to socialize and not lock our selves away that way people begin to know one another
i didnt realize it at first but i was leaning on adam, poor guy he has become a comfy rest to me XD
Then we went back upstairs 
he good at reading me, when im shy or when im thinking about something
he never pushes anything or backs if if he thinks im not happy
but hes never annoyed me or upset me hes easy to get along with
id like to meet him family one day~

I took him home at 6:15pm as it was windy and raining
another storm they say><
Since then just got stuff ready for tomorrow including painting my nails ^^

Tomorrow is school in the morning ONLY im hoping XD
maybe i'll be able to get some dancing done in the afternoon
as i didnt get the chance last week!!

me and adam said we'd meet for lunch on wednesday i think

here's the card i gave to mum and dad to say thanks for tiffins care

 

Roses are Red, and they're for me!?

Konbanwa~~

Nothing like an 11 hour sleep X3
But I ended up waking up at 9am
meaning I didn't have a lot of time to do my jobs AND get ready
to meet up with adam
so I ended up meeting him half hour later than what we originally said

I picked him up and we drove into a town
we went into a cafe I got the drinks we just started to drink then I heard Den, lynn's husband!
I havent seen him in such a long time it was lovely to see him
i drank my drink and i suddenly came over unbearably hot i couldnt cool down
i was sweating literally everywhere i felt like id never been cool again
so i pretty much got up and left i felt sorry for den leaving so soon
but i NEEDED air desperately i cooled down eventually
but even adam said i was hot cus he knows im usually as cold as a corpse as i say
we walked round the shops - charity of course!
I picked up some shoes which are pink and £2.50 to wear on thursday for world book day at school as i decided to go as 'angelina ballerina' i have everything but shoes so i was happy i found some
i probably wont wear em after but theyre cheap enough
i have got some cat ears which are a lil rounded im hoping will serve me as mouse ears

Then I told him I wanted to buy some flowers for mum and chocolate for dad to go with the card i have brought to say thank you for supporting me with tiffin
whilst i was getting flowers he said he wanted to buy me some
i was a bit taken back by that. NO ONE has ever brought me flowers
when my voice returned i told him he didnt need to
he wanted to ><
he picked me up red roses no less ><
did shut me up big time i wasnt even sure how to respond
he followed up by kissing the back of my hand!! =>.<= 
he told me my face was red 
i said i was chameleon and blended in with the roses 
so for the first time in my life i had flowers to put in a vase in my room :)

we then went to have lunch in a pub the cafes are small and busy therefor noisy
pubs are far bigger and usually quieter than cafes during lunch hours
and i was right~ we even got a sofa type seating so we were able to sit comfortably 
we both had chicken
then we sat there just relaxing and talking for a while
went for a walk then round a park

then i drove us to a cafe we've been in a few times together now
we had hot chocolate i got them as he brought lunch
then he walked me to my car
i realized when i got him that i had lost a glove :( a cat paw glove no less
so ive ordered a new pair and a different colour for £1.60

When i got home mum and dad we not back yet so i was able to write the card
and do the flowers in a vase ready with the chocolates ^^
i sat and did some cross stitch then got tiffs out
then the girls came out and sat on my bed
since then just done odd jobs
and wrapped up my cousin's present to send to her

mum was very pleased with my card and flowers she told me i didnt need to 
but i wanted to. i wanted to show her i appreciate it all. i mean they have spent like £1000 on tiffin now and i would look ungrateful if i did nothing
i told her adam had brought me flowers...instantly she was like "where are they!?"
i told her they were in my room
she didnt hesitate 
she was impressed with red roses and said it was very sweet of him
i think shes impressed with adam actually

got a nail design ready for tomorrow :D doing a mix of pink as it will go well with my outfit on thursday :D google angelina ballerina shes a white mouse~

tomorrow i am suppose to be seeing adam
as much as i want to go somewhere with him i think it will be best if i stay home
im not gonna have enough energy to tackle the week if i dont rest at some point over the weekend
seeing as he brought Pokemon Y this week i think we're just gonna play on pokemon at one of our houses. so should be nice :) sunday is my worst day of the week so hopefully having a friend over will make it go quicker!!

Pokemon Solar Power Key chain

Otsukaresama deshita~~~~

I could not get up this morning
I hadnt slept well
for one my brother turned his TV on at 1am and it was very loud
and that woke me up 
but im so tired and drained
I got up and got ready some how!

I arrived at school to find out that there was staff off poorly, staff on training, visitors to attend to, a class trip out to tesco
all in all they were short staffed
i was asked by 3 members of staff if i could stay the whole day ><
I was really looking forward to going out with mum this afternoon
but what can you do
so i txted mum to say i was staying 

My morning consisted of tea and toast
then suddenly another TA which i have tea and toast with came to me and said
in 10 mins she me and the child in my care along with the child she cares for
are going for a trip to tesco
so that was all spur of the moment
The TA drove us there in her car
we picked a few bits
got back and made 'pizza' in the staff room it was nice actually
Then break time

After break I did a game with the child
then we had some p.e. which is basically getting the kids moving round nothing sporty
lunch came and mum picked me up and brought me home ^^
I came back just as the lunch whistle blew so i was just in time!

After lunch I went outside with the child for a lil while
we came in and went round the school for a while and i did some role play with her
we did some painting together
then it was 1 hour of class play time so i encouraged her to play with her class friends
which she did luckily  so i could do odd jobs

towards the end of the day a TA called me over to talk to me
she ended up keeping me til almost 4pm!
we talked about how I can help the child and the paperwork they'd like me to do about her
i was so happy as no one has talked to me on how i can help her
so i went through her school books and talked about all sorts
i suppose ive had this week to get settled in with her so as of next week
i will be doing proper TA work with her basically
it feels more professional and what ive trained to do
i am looking forward to it!!

came home and went out to the doctors which was a waste of time
then mum talked to me about adam
i got upset just because im struggling with feeling or should i say lack of
im not sure how i feel about anything and i have zero confidence to even start a relationship
mum seemed to encourage me into having a relationship with adam
but of course only if i wanted to but i think she was telling me that it was ok and not to worry what she thought about it all. but i cant let go and enjoy and trust. i just have walls round me i cant seem to take down. im so unsure of everything. but mum just said take it one day at a time and just enjoy each others company and if something comes of it then it will just happen if not then we will stay friends. 
im just gonna take one day at a time
did make me a lil upset. which makes me feel even more immature 

i asked her why she thought i had autistic traits
she told me that i always have to tidy my room before i sleep, everything has it's place, i like things to be right, things done a certain way. i said to her "if you base it off that then everyone's on the spectrum cus everyone has certain ways of doing things and getting things how you like em"
sure of that
im not autistic ><

Tomorrow I think I seeing adam
we're going to a little town where my college used to be
going cafe and charity shops are :D

Here is something i won on ebay from japan for £2.80
it flashes pokemon and its solar powered!!!
never seen a solar powered keychain before